Dark Park

The Little Buggers' Christmas Party

 Hi STRs and Dark Parkers, At last Stace and I are bringing you our report on the Little Buggers' Child Care Centre Christmas Party. You all realise that we've been putting it off for ages, but the Little Buggers Supervisor or LBS, Sally McNally and Dr Una keep asking when we're going to do it. Sally, because she likes seeing her name in print, and Dr Una who's accusing us of laziness. Who, us? She keeps threatening to find someone else to do it and we just know she has Suze in mind. Suze is as you know, Skye Frye's personal assistant. We're not allowed to say secretary. Well, that's not an option Dr Una, so here it is, Sally, Dr Una and all the LBCC parents.

The party was a week before Christmas and it was stinking hot weather. Stace and I had absolutely no energy, so it was a real chore. We even had to pass up an invite to Komik Kal's pool party and barbie. We're not great fans of barbies, but we luv, luv, luv pools. To add insult to injury, the aircon in the Dark Park hall was completely stuffed and the kids of whom there seemed to be more of than usual were rattier and naughtier than ever. Parents had been asked if they'd like to stay, but they all said no as they were on their way to Christmas shopping, coffee at Stuff Yas or even making an early start at the Bogan Bar.

The boys were going up to some of the younger kids, saying; Want us to tell youse a special secret? Of course the young kids, with wide eyes said Ooh, yeah. The boys whispered the special secret, but as soon as it was out, their victims started bawling.

Stace and I asked them what the secret was and they said that Father Christmas isn't real, just a fat old dickhead dressed up. Stace and I nudged one another and tried not to laugh.

Toby and Tayla, who are two of the oldest and worst ringleaders for trouble were going around saying Wanna smell the cheese?. They'd hold out their hand, palm upturned, then put their fist on top of the other hand. When the kids said yeah to smelling the cheese, the fist went forward and punched them in the nose. This resulted in several blood noses and more tears.

On hand to help, sort of, were Timm Simms, a childcare worker, who's the brother of Jimm Simms, Suze's med student boyfriend. He looks just like his brother, with identical round glasses, making them both look like owls.Timm was trying in vain to get the kids involved in making paper chain streamers, but they were next to the only fan and paper kept blowing around the table and onto the floor. The kids just ripped up the paper and one girl pasted the whole table with glue, which no one seemed to bother about cleaning up.There were also two Dark Park Detention centre girls, doing community service, but they were standing round rolling their eyes or scrolling through the mobile phone they shared between them.

Sally was trying to make herself heard above the din of rowdy kids. Come and sit down kids, she yelled and I'll tell you a story.

We don't wanna hear a story, said some of the little buggers. Stories suck.

I have fairy bread, wheedled Sally; Who likes fairy bread? There was a momentary lull while some of the kids lined up for raspberry cordial and fairy bread, which of course made them all the more hyper.

It was only half way through the morning and already Stace and I felt stuffed. Mind you it hadn't helped that we'd spent too long in the Bogan Bar the night before, drinking, you guessed it, Raving Lunatic Cocktails.We'd even had a sort of fight with Kimberlee, Komik Kal's daughter who'd told Stace her outfit was skanky. Stace retaliated with a comment about hers and a pushing and shoving fight began. Kylee from security was there and she put a stop to it, otherwise things could have got real heated and nasty.

After the kids had finished their snack,Sally called out. Listen everyone, I have bad news and good news. She didn't wait for a response, but continued; Both Queen Custard Tart from the telly and Father Christmas are coming to visit, but they're both running late, so what shall we do while we wait everyone.