Dark Park

Whitney's Second Wedding: I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do ? (Part One)

 Hi Scrubber Towners and Dark Parkers remember how a few months ago Stace and I went to Whit's hens' night? Well, the big W day has finally come around. Whit's Wedding. Her second one. Who'd have thought after her first, that she'd even want to go there again. If we'd had a wedding like her first, we'd be sworn off marriage for life. You'll need to read 'Beach Wedding of the Year' to find out what happened.

We rocked up at Whit's house about 11am. The actual wedding was to be happening at the Jewel Park Council Chambers, where Rob Hobbs, councillor and celebrant, was to conduct the service at 3pm. We wanted enough time to talk to Whit and her parents, check out everyone's outfits and consume enough bubbly to make the event bearable.

Any event involving Wendy, Whit's mum is usually all about her. That is, Wendy. She was clad in neon lime green. Wendy just loves neon. At Whit's first wedding she wore neon pink. This time it looked like she'd been poured into a tight fitting suit in satin with a thigh high split up one leg and big shoulder pads. She had on the skimpiest lurex gold top  underneath. We don't think she was wearing a bra. Maybe you could have got away with that when you were twenty, Wendy? Kara-Lyn had designed and made the outfit and had obviously convinced her that the 80s were back with a vengeance. Big hair and hoop earrings completed the look.

Does my bum look big in this, girls? She asked, twirling for us.

Stace nearly said yes, but I nudged her just in time.

Come in girls, I was just going to open the bubbles. I'm afraid Whit and Wally have been having words, or a shouting match more like. Whit's got red eyes cos she's been bawling. Wally doesn't want Whit to marry Jonno.

We tried to talk her out of marrying him too, I told Wendy, but she's digging her heels in.

Yep, she's real stubborn, but girls, we have a wedding to go to and Whit won't change her mind so come and have some bubbles.

You sure my bum doesn't look big in this? she added.

Social media influencers say big bums are trending, replied Stace, but Wendy didn't hear us and we followed her into her untidy, crowded kitchen for bubblies,  mini frankfurts and party pies.

We were confronted with a sulky red-eyed Whitney, and an exasperated looking Wally.

Britney was once again the maid of honour and Whit's two cousins, Elle and Belle Wells: try saying that when you're drunk, were also bridesmaids. They were all decked out in frothy red tulle and taffeta. When we came in all three girls were poring over their phones and giggling and completely ignoring Whit.

We decided to pretend everything was cool and got stuck into the bubbly. After a couple more glasses we felt more chilled and offered to do Wendy's makeup.

What about me, bitches, snapped Whit. I'm the bride, or hasn't anyone noticed?

We're all too well aware, luv, groaned Wally. Last time you thought you might be pregnant. Is that the case this time?

No, shouted Whit, how could it be. Jonno only got out on bail a few days ago. I just want Guy to notice me

Wendy looked at Wally, silently warning him not to fuel the fire, shrugged and suggested we go ahead with doing makeup.

Stace did Wendy and I took Whit into her bedroom. Stace found Wendy was a nightmare as she kept on wriggling and reaching for her bubbly glass. Whit insisted on putting on her wedding dress, in spite of my warnings that she might spill something on it.

Don't care, growled Whit, as she wriggled into a sheer red lace dress with equally sheer black lining. Whit had put on weight as a result of scoffing too much chocolate. She'd even been eating it during work hours between customers, until Marissa had a melt down and threatened to fire her.

White brought me bad luck last time she sniffed, so this time I wanted something different.

I only just managed to fasten it, it was so tight.

Stace and I reckon you can call it off, cos you haven't said 'I do' yet.

Can't replied Whit sulkily. Mum and Dad have arranged a slap-up do at the Dark Park Tavern.

Part Two

I Do, I Do I Do I Do?

PS: you can be assured that Whit's wedding dress was quite unlike the one in the photo. Red and black, which we pointed out to Whit are the colours of a redback spider. Well, if your best friends won't tell you, who will?