Alive//H.S

Unsteady

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Lila Rose

By the time the show was over and we had made our way onto the plane, the day had almost already been over. Sometimes shows can be so exhausting. Let's just say this one was. It was so hard to leave Harry's London house, knowing so much had happened in those crisp white walls, but even then I knew we had to get out of there.

Harry currently sat next to me, dead asleep as I stared out the window of our plane, leaving for Berlin, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get any sleep. I'm so glad everything that happened this week happened, but I also know that I have to start my growing all over. Last night I think it really hit me that what I was trying to do when in that headspace is end it all. I wanted to commit suicide.

Harry knew something was wrong, but I just couldn't tell him that I wanted that. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live anymore with this pain. Everything was going fine, I was falling more and more in love with Harry and he was doing the same with me, but then Ian had to step back in. He always steps back into my life at the worst times.

I shift when I feel Harry move in his seat, and I let my eyes leave the clouds, looking at the seat across from us where Jace sat, scrolling on his phone and I can see him look up at me for a few seconds, tapping his phone still, and I can't help but shiver at the look he gives me.

The look he gives me reminds me of Ian.

"Lila," I hear Harry whisper and it takes me a few seconds to tear my eyes away from Jace's brown ones, feeling odd, and looking back at Harry's green calm ones. "Why don't you try and get some sleep...we've got another show in the morning," he whispers and I shrug, his arm wrapping around me, and I can see the worry in his eyes.

"What's going on in that head of yours hm?" He hums, pressing delicate kisses to my cheeks and I can't help but grin at him, kissing his lips slowly.

"Just thinking...gonna read some-go back to sleep you don't have to stay awake," I whisper at him, smoothing his hair down, and he sighs, giving me a look that reads 'I know you're exhausted I'm not a fucking idiot but sure', and honestly it's too cute to ignore.

"Fine, whatever you say, my lavender," he whispers back, coiling towards me and I let him hold me in his arms, playing with my hair carelessly, and I let my eyes close as I hold my book in my lap, and he starts to talk quietly in my ear, sighing.

"I've gotta tell you something," he says softly, kissing my bare shoulder from where my jacket had slipped off my shoulder, and I look up at him the best I can. "You know I dated Kendall...," He starts and I widen my eyes, sitting up to turn more towards him but he shushes me and lays me back against his chest again, and I listen, trying not to get too in my head.

"She's coming to the show tonight...a-and I just wanted to tell you in case she comes up to you or something," he whispers, and I feel my eyes close in exhaustion, knowing this isn't what I needed tonight, and I could cry at the fact that we couldn't just go home and cuddle.

"She won't stay for long-and please don't listen to anything she says, okay? Kendall can be...Kendall can be a bitch when she wants to, and I think seeing you with me will not help that," he says slowly, and I nod, surprised at exhilaration in my veins at the thought of kissing all up on Harry while she's there, and showing her that he's my mans.

Cause god have mercy on her soul if she tries to get him back in her life she'll feel my cowgirl boots shoved up her ass before she can even say his name.