Alive//H.S

Too Good At Goodbyes

You must think that I'm stupid
You must think that I'm a fool
You must think that I'm new to this
But I have seen this all before

This is short, but powerful.

take this to heart.

ONE

Lila Rose

there once was a time in my life where I found happiness in being alone.

I loved it, I loved being without anyone, just in my own space, and my own little bubble. But now as I stand in the airport, waiting for my grandparents car to show up, I can't handle it. He's supposed to be here beside me and be holding my hand.

I'm supposed to tell my grandparents that I've found that special someone in my life. I was supposed to have him beside me to tell me it's going to be okay. That me going home again is okay, and that is being together is okay, and it stings even more because he told me those things for so long.

While on the is inside he didn't love me anymore.

"Lila? Lila rose?" I hear a small voice call and I look over to see a older couple, and I feel my nose tingle with stinging tears at the way he looks so much like my dad. The woman-my grandmother-had tears on her cheeks, and I give her a sad smile.

Right now I don't know if it's going to be okay.

"Hi," I tremble, holding tears back from my throat. "I'm Mabel and this is my husband Benjamin...you're atlas's daughter?" She whispers and I nod, and her lips tremble. "I'm your grandmother...it's lovely to finally meet you," she whispers and I fall into her arms, closing my watering eyes as she sniffles, holding me close.

"It's been so long since I've even heard about you...we tried to get tickets to your show but it was sold out," Benjamin says, and I bring him in for a hug, and I press my lips together at the smell of my fathers aftershave. He reminds me so much of daddio. I miss him so much. "You sound just like my dad," I cry, and he rubs his hands up and down my back, shushing me. "Oh' sweet girl...you look absolutely exhausted," he whispers, holding my face in his hands and tears drip down his wrists, my eyes leaking tears every few seconds. "I thought some boy was coming' home with yas', kiddo?" He says and I close my eyes.

I did too, grandpa.

"He isn't gonna be around anymore," I whisper and he frowns, leaning forward and he kisses my forehead, my grandmother hooking her arm around my shoulders, leaning her head against mine.

"C'mon, baby chick, we've got 22 years to catch up on.

______

A year ago the other thing on my mind was suicide. I wanted it all to end, I couldn't handle the thought of having to continue to work through Ian and Is relationship anymore, and it hurt so bad that no one wanted to listen.

Why wouldn't they listen.

Ian fucked up every part of me I had, he makes every single day a living hell until the last one, and sometimes I wish he had just ended it all right then and there. I hated the thought of going to the police and telling them that I was too scared to tell anyone besides my friends that this was happening. I didn't want to feel embarrassed or have anything come out to the public, I just didn't know what to do.

And then I met Harry again, and he helped me.

We went through so much together, more than anyone does in their whole life, but I couldn't put myself as a burden on him, and I knew he was way too busy to take care of someone like me. But he proved me wrong.

He loved me. And for the first time it wasn't suicidal thoughts, it was thoughts of love and him and just being home. Wherever he was...was home.

And then I was a burden again.

When you first learn to swim, you feel as if you're drowning. It's like the world around you is turning this dark blue as the waves of the unknown take you under their arms, tugging you further down. You try and breathe, but nothing fills your lungs as the horror and fear of drowning crowds your mind.

You flail and kick your arms and legs, hoping that you could reach the top of the deep blue sea, trying with all of your might to blindly reach out for something to hold onto. But nothing is there for you.

Then.

You swim.

You had somehow kicked and thrashed enough for your legs and arms to find a rhythm that had brought you to break through that surface, gasping for air and letting out a cry as you stop what you're doing. Then you realize.

You swam.

I used to swim, and I loved doing it.

Then I drowned, but he was there to save me with those green eyes and big curly hair.

I loved swimming almost as much as I loved him

And then he let me go, taking my life jacket with him.

Today is the first day without my life jacket.

The first day without anything to keep me

alive

and I'm so ready for this adventure, with or without him.

The end

——

im literally sobbing so bad

thank you for reading my horrible writing it's so bad especially this one I'm so sorry.

i love you guys so much thank you for everything.

Lila and Harry's story is not over yet

xx s