Alive//H.S

You and I

You and I, we don't wanna be like them
We can make it 'til the end
Nothing can come between you and I
Not even the Gods above
Can separate the two of us
No, nothing can come between you and I
Oh, you and I

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thank you guys so much...I don't even know what to say. im so happy that you guys continue to enjoy my writing-as bad as it is-and im so glad that you all love following the story of Lila and Harry...

thank you so much my loves, enjoy.

Harry

I sit on the couch on the bus, staring at the wall ahead of me with no emotion. No feeling. No more self approval, and a strong amount of hatred flying through my veins, my knee bouncing quickly.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I knew Kendall was single, and I knew how much she still had feelings for me even after everything, but this was exactly what I didn't want to happen. I knew she would've come back into my life eventually, but this...this is more painful than our whole relationship. It's almost as painful as watching Lilas face drain of her gorgeous pink cheeks....and almost as painful at the feeling in my chest right now.

I didn't kiss Kendall like I do Lila. I kissed Kendall because she did it first. She pulled me aside and I just let her dance with me a bit, paying most of my attention to Mitch, wishing he would come and get me out of this hell hole, and that's when it happened. She kissed me, and I hate to admit it but everything inside of me was screaming at me to kiss her back, and finally get that verification that she did love me. I wanted to know that she loved me for me.

I don't know why, or how she gets into my head like that, so much so that I put her before Lila. And I promised her I wouldn't ever do that. I promised that to myself too. I love Lila more than anyone in the whole world, I love her more than myself even. I just hope she knows that I didn't mean to do this, and that Kendall had manipulated me to the point that I'm sitting her sick to my stomach at the sound of her sniffles.

"I didn't mean to do it Mitch...she just came at me and kissed me like it wasn't a big deal," I tremble, running a dry hand over my face, and he sighs from where he sat on the floor, resting his back against the fridge as he sipped a beer. "I know Harry...you've said that like ten times," he whispers, and I slump back into the couch even more, closing my eyes and I can't see anything but the way her beautiful blue eyes dropped, and filled with tears. I made my beautiful lavender girl cry. I hate that thought so much.

"I want to talk to her," I whisper at him, and he sighs, shaking his head, and I groan. "Harry, you've got to let her be for a while. You know how much things like this mess her up," he whispers and I put my hands on my knees, squeezing my thighs roughly, trying so hard to not scream at the top of my lungs about how this shouldn't be happening. I know I broke Lilas trust, and I know that every bone in my body aches with the feeling of her thinking it's her fault, that she wasn't good enough to make me stay with her, but in reality she is more than enough.

"I hate myself for doing that to her," I tremble, angry tears filling my eyes and Mitch stands from the floor and sits down beside me, placing a hand on my back. "Lila has trust issues Harry...she's going to have a really hard time trying to understand all of this....you have to give her time," he whispers, and I furrow my eyebrows as tears finally fall from my eyes, clawing into the skin of my thighs with hate.

"I fucked up, I fucked up so bad," I tremble, inhaling a deep shaky breath and Mitch rubs my back. I did this to her, I kissed Kendall knowing that's exactly what Ian would do to her, just to torture her. The thought had me wanting to throw up. She must think I'm so disgusting, so incredibly gross and disgusting to do something like this to her, three days after the love of my life tried to kill herself. I feel like a cheater. I feel like I cheated on her. The bus pulled into the hotel parking lot of our next stop, and I made my way off, stopping when I hear her voice, her adorable, soft, and oh so sweet voice. I almost stop my walking, wanting to turn around and try and tell her it wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to turn out this way for us.