Alive//H.S

Deep End

Had to come and flip the script
Had a big bone to pick
Got the short end of sticks, so we made a fire with it

Lila Rose

I can't even put into words how good it felt to hug someone again

On the way home from the studio, I kept reliving what had just happened, and how good it had felt to be in someone's arms, in Harry's arms. I keep feeling the way I melted into his skin, the way he had held me close until I was ready to let go. I felt like I could run through the whole fucking town with how happy that made me. How much relief came from that sudden moment of a hug from him. I know that if anyone else tried to hug me like that I would have coiled away from them, embarrassed as could be, but it was different from how I act with Harry.

"Kid?" I heard Gavins familiar voice call as the door opened to my loft apartment, me on the floor in a huddle of blankets in my reading nook, a book pressed to my nose as I sat up a bit, seeing him starting to walk up the stairs.

"Hey," I smile at him as he crashed down next to me with a humph, me placing the book I was reading aside, still feeling Harry's arms wrapped around me even though it had been few hours since that happened.

I still don't know what about him made me so comfortable to be around, or what it was specifically about him that made it so I knew nothing bad as going to come from this situation. He made me feel comfortable, but as I said earlier, I know that I cant tell him everything. I know how much that would hurt him, but also me.

"Clara said you had a rough day," Gavin said and I sighed, pushing my face into one of the many fluffy pillows that accompanied my blankets. I knew that Clara worried about me, and maybe she has the right to do that, but I get scared sometimes that she worries too much about me.

"It's not that big of a deal, Gavin. Harry helped," I mumbled and his head immediately snapped up to look at me, eyes as big as dinner plates and mouth dropped to the floor. I roll my eyes, feeling my cheeks heating up as I look away from him until I can compose the rapid smile that comes up on my face. I know it not in good circumstances, but it meant he cared about me, so I was happy with that. I at the same time don't want him to care, but I do.

I'm confused.

"He likes you and you like him. I don't get why you haven't made a move yet," He sighs and I huff.

"Don't think I'm ready for that yet," I whisper and I hear him sigh again, letting his hand play with the tassel on the end of the pillow, and I feel my heartbreak at the look in his eyes. I didn't mean for that to be a negative, but I just wanted to let him know that I don't think I could do that again. It's obviously different from Harry, I've never felt something like this before, but its something that I don't see myself being able to have ever again. Ian took away any chance of me getting into another relationship. He took away my fun times, and he took away and a piece of innocence that made me who I am.

"I think you should go for it," Gavin whispers and I let my eyes drift down to my hands. "Ian didn't break you, kid. Ian just gave you some little setbacks..." he says and I nod, knowing that was a lie, but decided not to argue with him about it.

"It felt good to hug someone again," I say and I show him the smile that I had hidden earlier, and I hear him laugh a bit.

"I can tell he makes you really happy, Lila," He smiles and I decide to change the subject before I say more than I would regret.

"Wheres Clara?" I say as I play with the spine of the book I was reading, a novel by a friend of my dads, based on my dad's friend's recovery from addiction to drugs. It's very powerful I must say.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something,.." He says and I sit up a bit, giving him worried eyes as he fumbles with his hands, stuttering before he spoke words that made my smile go wider than the sun.

"What do you think of me proposing to Clara?" I sit up fully and he looks up at me as I smile down at him in awe. I knew that this was coming, after them being together for so many years, and how obvious it is that they were in love, but I honestly had no idea that he was going to ask me that.

"Are you serious?" I say, my voice cracking in emotion as I envision my best friend walking down the aisle in a white dress, in her glowing natural beauty, and Gavin nods, sitting up a bit and pulling a box out of his pocket. He opened it, revealing this perfect golden shiny ring, something that fit Clara's personality and was definitely her style.

"Oh my god, Gavin! YOU FUCKING SAP YOU! IM SO EXCITED!" I screech and I give him a hug, squealing at the ring.

"I'm glad you're so excited," He laughs and I scoff.

"Are you kidding? of fucking course I'm excited! My best friends getting married for fucks sake!"

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HI BOO THANGS HAHAHA

I LOVE YOUUUU

hi bb C;

OKAY BYE BUBBA

SUNNY