Alive//H.S

Welcome To Wonderland

Dancing through a dream
Underneath the stars
Laughing 'til the morning comes
Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart
Oh, Wonderland I love

Harry 

Today was the start of a new wonderland for us. 

Lila was in her bunk getting her stuff organized for the day, mitch taking gross selfies in the bathroom mirror, and I just sat on the couch, hugging my knees close and watching the world pass by as we passed the traffic that made my head remind me of the good old days. The days before Zayn left, and the days before everything changed darker. 

I look up from the glistening rain clouds, seeing Lila walk slowly inside and she looks towards the spot next to me on the couch, I slide my legs under myself, motioning for her to sit down. I watch her closely as she watches the rain clouds just as I do. 

"That one looks like a bear," I say, pointing at it and cringing as she laughs under her breath. 

"It does look like a bear," She hums in agreement and I smile to myself. The bruises on her hands had started to fade, the purple signs of her pain washing down the drains slowly every day. I knew that I would have to keep an eye out for if they look any darker, or the way her eyes look, the little things that keep me worried about her. 

I look away quickly as she looks over at me, our eyes catching before I look back outside. This was awkward. More awkward than the last time we were together, and for some reason, I can't pinpoint exactly why that is. This had to be nerve-wracking for her, a start of something she's never experienced before, and something that she would initially have turned down, but even then, I want things to be regular. I want her to feel regular. I tap my foot against hers when I noticed how distant she seemed, her eyes going to me and I smile softly at her. 

"You okay?" I say, letting my arm settle on the top of the couch, watching with curious eyes as she shrugs a nod, not convincing me in the slightest. I give her a knowing look and she huffs, coiling her arms around her knees and holding them to her chest. 

"What can I do to make this easier for you?" I ask, and the look she gives me lets me know the answer. I sigh and let my fingers brush over her shoulder, letting her know that it was okay to talk about it if she needed it. I just wanted to make sure she knew I was there for her. 

"It's just kinda...overwhelming," She shrugs and I frown, her shaking her head. 

"Not like that, I just meant it's a lot to just jump into," She says and I nod, understanding where she's coming from. I remember when I had just started the band, and how much pressure was on us to get this first album outright, and how often I had to take a breather just to calm myself down. No one really gets how stressful leaving a band and starting a new one by yourself can be, especially when the band was so successful. 

"Make sure to tell me when you need a break, okay?" I reassure her and the look she gave me let me know that she wouldn't, but that she would handle it herself. I don't want that. I don't want her to have to handle this herself, and I want to be able to help her through this. Our situation would be different if we weren't going on tour, but since we are, we need to look out for each other. No matter what. 

"This place is nice," She says, trying to change the subject, and I almost let her, but I cant. 

"Lila, c'mon talk to me," I mumble and she ran a hand down her face, burying her head between her knees and taking a deep breath. I slowly run my hand over hers, and I wrap my hand in hers, stroking my thumb over her hand and I hear her take a deep breath, looking back up at me as she sets her chin on her knees. I can see in her eyes that she wants to, but I can also see that she needs time to think this over, and I can understand that. 

"WE'RE HERE BITCHES!" Mitch screeched as he walked out from the bunk he had been in.  I look outside to see that we had arrived at the Hotel, Lila standing to grab her bag, handing me mine as I thanked her. I watched her closely as she stepped out of the bus, looking up at the hotel with adoration in her eyes and I can just tell that she's excited. She may not express it, but I can just tell she's excited about this. 

I walk inside her following behind me wearily. I've always loved being able to meet the kind hotel that has allowed us to stay, and the people that work there are amazing. I walk down the line, introducing myself and I look over to see Lila smiling at all of them kindly. We make it to our rooms, Me and Mitch in one, Jace and Jeff in another, and then Yasmine, Annika, Lila, and Mia in the biggest room. I look down the hall and my heart sings as I see Lila laughing at something Yasmine had said as she tried to open the door. Lila goes in and I wave Yasmine over.

"Be careful with her, okay? Don't stress her out before the show," I say and she nods. 

"Her hands...I can't be the only one to notice them," She says, waving to Mia as she goes into the room that Lila was already in. I nod. 

"I know, I'm trying my best to get her to stop," I say and she nods in understanding, going in the room when Mia calls her name.