Alive//H.S

I Cant Handle Change

I can't help but repeat myself
I know it's not your fault
Still lately, I begin to shake
For no reason at all
For no reason at all
For no reason at all

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im gonna be writing a ddlg story on that account later this next month, so if you guys would like to read that then go ahead and follow.

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FIVE

Lila Rose

There's something wrong and I can't figure out what it is.

He's distant, more distant than normal, and I don't know if it something I did or if he actually is tired like he's saying he is. Harry is like this sometimes, making me wonder if I've personally done something wrong to make him feel like this, or if maybe it's just because he's around me so much. Harry is so important to me it's almost painful...and the thought of him keeping these things from me.

Mitch agreed to meet me downstairs at the cafe below the hotel, and I woke up early to get ready, not waking Harry up when I go to shower, but when I get out I see him on his phone, still in bed and he looks up at me briefly when I walk out in a towel. This is a prime example of how bad this makes me feel, and how just self conscious I feel around him now because of how distant he is. Usually he'd be on his feet the second I step out, running his hands all over me, and letting himself tease me until I'm crazy, but now all he does is look at his phone, and he doesn't say a word to me. I get dressed in silence, neither of us saying a word, and Harry what up to make some coffee at the small machine in the room, and he looks up when I walk in the room, wearing a pair of jeans and one of his shirts, the smell of him calming me.

"Good morning," he smiles, and I can tell it's different by the way it disappears. "I'm going out with Mitch in a little," I smile at him, and he nods, taking a sip of his coffee, and all of my worries are confirmed the second he walks away without handing me his coffee, like he had every single morning since we started this.

"Have fun," he says, kissing my cheek, and I stand there, feeling my heart drop down to my stomach, knowing something had to be wrong. He always gave me a hug before I left, and kisses my lips more than once, and he always would tell me 'have fun my lavender' or something along those lines and now I'm walking out with tears in my eyes, knowing that somethings changed. It almost seemed as if he didn't even find me attractive anymore.

It was almost like the second we left my home in Kentucky that he just started distancing himself. He seemed mad, angry even, and whatsoever he was feeling I don't care if it's because of someone else-the way he's acting just specially towards me is making my heart ping every time a tired sigh leaves his lips. I went through everything that we did in Kentucky, we went on a walk around the farm, and we made out in the den-there wasn't anything I could find that could've made him flip that switch. There wasn't anything I could find. I can't lose Harry, I can't handle watching him change into someone else without me changing with him.

"Hey tulip," Mitch smiles, giving me a hug, and I squeeze him tight, sighing as I sit down in the cold winter air, even though the sun was shining bright. I wrap my sweater around me, and I sip on a cup of coffee. "Somethings wrong with Harry," I whisper and Mitch's head snaps up, frowning at me. "What do you mean?" He whispers and I rub my eyes, looking as a couple walks by, hand in hand and I remember when Harry and I did that together all the time. "He's changed...it almost is like he doesn't find me attractive anymore," I whisper and Mitch's face drops, shaking his head. "You know Harry is obsessed with you Tulip," he mumbles, and I shake my head.