Alive//H.S

I Like Me Better

I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause
I like me better when
I like me better when I'm with you

VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION BABES
SHOULD I MAKE THESE LONGER? Like 2,500 words? Let me know babies

Harry

This is what I had wanted all along.

No matter how many times I look down at the sleeping girl on my shoulder, I still can't believe we're here. She's here. When she left from London, all those years ago, I thought I would never see her again. And then she walked through those doors of that funeral home, a broken girl with a needle in one hand and a thread in the other, waiting for someone to sew her heart back together.

I had managed to slide her headphones off of her head, placing them down by my thigh before leaning back against the back of the couch, watching the world pass outside of the window. I let my hand smooth down her cotton smooth hair, her head tucked perfectly into my shoulder as I hummed a familiar tune. She was warm, a feeling I had missed, and she was relaxed.

Her face was calm and free of all the stress she packs into her small body and I can't help but press my lips into her hairline, letting my eyes close at how comfortable it was here. I had no intention of letting things be just friends with Lila, and I'm sure she knows that, but she has to make the calls. Lila has to start it and I will just follow along.

I know she feels bad for me helping her all the time, but how could I not? I made absolutely no sense to me how some people can just sit back and watch loved ones beat themselves down, and never even notice it. I still have no idea how this happened, how such a giggly girl turned into a scared little kitten under someone's watch.  She didn't have to tell me everything, not yet at least, but I obviously did want to know. And I want to be able to help her through that.

I hope to god it isn't worse than what I've seen, I don't know what I'd do if she ever got worse. She's probably going to apologize later for falling asleep, and if or more like when she does, I will have it ready, the 'cuddle me' but not as bold ready.

I would love for us to be that, for me to be the only person able to calm her down, which seems like the case, but I feel bad for just pushing her head first into such a big adventure with me, without even getting to know her as well as I usually would before inviting someone on this. She did so well last night though, her big blue diamond eyes shining under the light and her soft milky skin glittering with the absurd amount of body glitter Mitch had fished over her.

Mitch seemed to like us together as much as I did, considering his reaction after the cheek kiss and everything, which by the way I still haven't gotten over. I almost resisted from washing my face that night just to keep the memory there.

I hope I'm not the only one having feelings for her. It would absolutely break my heart if I made it worse by just assuming she had feelings, but I can't help but see the way she looks at me, those fawning eyes and her cheeky little coos she whispers under her breath at me. But maybe she does that to everyone.

Stevie had called to check in on us, and I had tried my best to express my feelings about Lila to her, and all she did was squeal, but she wouldn't tell me why. I inhale a quick breath when she shifts against my side, but I sigh out when she just falls back asleep again. Mitch was in the bathroom playing with makeup, and I shush him when he walks out, humming loudly and he stops when he sees us cuddled into the corner of the couch, my eyes rolling at the whispered squeal he admits.

"This is too much, Harry. TOO MUCH,"

"Would you shut the fuck up? She needs sleeps, be quiet," I chide back at him and he huffs, taking a quick picture before grabbing a bag of crisps and disappearing in his bunk, leaving my sleepy eyed.

I let my head rest back. Closing my eyes as her warmth washes over me, a feeling I hadn't felt since my last relationship. Of course I've been in relationships, one even more to get over Lila than for love, but none of them had ended the way I had wanted them to.

I get closed up when I notice people starting to walk away from me, and instead of keeping them at arms reach, I just sit back and watch them fall out of love with me.

It was the same with my dad.

No matter how hard I had tried to fix it, my teenage and early adult years were filled with empty voicemail boxes, no texts back and no answer from anyone about anything. Of course I've dated people other than girls, but even those haven't ended the way I wished they had.

I wearily trace over the bruises on her hands with my fingers, smoothing over the damaged sore skin and trying not to worry too much about it. Everyone has their own ways of dealing, but I just wished that Lilas was different. She could use me to deal, talk to me and have me be her distraction. It's just like at the party, I hated seeing her that way, and I hated knowing she had to deal with that in private instead of coming to get me. My heart hurt at the way she asked me if it was for petty, as if I would take her that lowly and think that lowly of her. I could never think of my lavender that lowly.

I fell asleep without really meaning to, letting my body relax into hers as her breaths fanned out against my chest. I had to pee, but there was no way I was going to get up and disturb the sleeping beauty on my arm.