Alive//H.S

Waves

Make me into more than a goner
Perhaps a little bit stronger
Thicker skin less needy

this one a long one ;)

READ LIFE OF THE PART FIRST THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE

Lila Rose

By the time the sun had started to set, I was already being begged into doing shots, which I had politely declined. Something I hadn't really noticed when I arrived is how happy Harry looks around all of these people, and how happy they look around him. he had this special sparkle in his eyes that made me really happy that he could have such a strong bond with some of the people he would be leaving for a year-long tour soon. I also noticed how much different some of these other people were from me, and how open they feel they can be. I don't want to be the outcast in this group, but by the time it was almost six, I definitely felt like one.

I currently sat across from Jace and Annika, Yasmine, and Mia on either side of me as we talked, letting myself become more comfortable around them than I was before. Harry was out on the little cement platform in the backyard by the pool, sitting with Mitch and Jeff as they talked, my eyes always going towards him whenever I could get the chance to see him.

"You've got your hands full working with Harry," Mia laughs in her cute giggle, and the rest of the table nods.

"Do I?" I say through a laugh that I had noticed sounded way too fake. Jace laughed at my voice and I saw him nod, looking towards the backyard to make sure Harry wasn't watching or was near.

"I was honestly surprised he even let you join in on his first tour, I mean...its kinda stealing the spotlight from him," He said and I felt my stomach drop to the floor as Annika slapped his arm, telling him that wasn't true as he just rolled his eyes at her.

Was it true though? was I taking the spotlight away from Harry, and even if I was I wish he would have told me. I would have never accepted if it meant I was making him less important at his own shows. I run a hand through my hair before going and pressing into them as Jace starts to speak again, me wishing he would just stop talking.

"I was also surprised he picked you..especially after what happened with your dad and everything," He shrugged and that was enough for me to have my heart racing in my chest again.

This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want Harry to pick me to go on tour with him out of pity, and I hoped that he knew that. I also hoped that he hadn't picked me to go with him for that reason, or if he just wanted to get under my skin and make me feel like someone cared about me again. I felt my skin crawl as guilt rumbled in my stomach again. I looked out back, seeing harry laughing along to something Jeff had said and I cant seem to see him the same was I would have before this conversation.

"That's not true, Jace! Stop!" Yasmine spits at him and he looks at me sympathetically.

"Don't listen to him, Lila. He doesn't know anything," Mia says and I smile at her as I try and keep myself from running away like I always do. I stand up anyway, knowing that this would be getting to my head any second now, and they all watch me as I walk into the kitchen, grabbing some water and making my way into the bathroom, hoping no one saw me go inside.

"Fuck," I spit as I press my hands into the counter as I curse myself for even accepting Harry's offer to do this. How could I be so stupid? I am nothing like these people, look at them, all dressed in bright colors and jumping around and drinking as they sing crazily. I can barely breathe. I don't want this for myself, I don't want to be a part of something that could end up making me regret even meeting Harry. It seems like every time we have some sort of steps forward into me being more comfortable around him, I can just feel us have another setback.