OKAY OKAY QUICK DISCLAIMER UM TW FOR SH- YOU SEE I J RELAPSED AND I'M DESPERATE FOR COMFORT SO THAT'S WHAT THIS CHAPTERS GONNA BE ABOUT 😫 ANYWAYS YOU CAN SKIP IT!! PLS PLS PLSSSS SKIP IT IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET TRIGGERED OR UNCOMFORTABLE. IT WON'T BE MENTIONED AGAIN, NOR WILL IT BE IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT. THANK YOU. OH! ALSO, PLS DON'T HURT YOURSELF? IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT TO ME. ANYWAYS-
{~~first person p.o.v~~}
the ceiling wasn't very interesting. i wasn't sure how long i'd been staring at it, not that it mattered. ever since mom got back home, she's been in a terrible mood. she had to come back to pay for the hospital bills, which apparently really bothered her.
her money and time were important, after all.
more important that me.
i couldn't wrap my head around why i cared so much. when people are bitches, shouldn't that make it so much easier to ignore them. i was angry, angry at her for not caring about me, angry at myself for caring about her.
all today i ignored everyone. maybe it was just an off day, but the thoughts in my head were really throwing me off.
i felt guilty for making people take care of me.
i was angry that i even needed to be taken care of in the first place.
every single thought that popped into my head just made me feel more like a burden. there were too many emotions filling my head, i just needed something to clear my mind.
ah.
it was a bad idea. terrible, even. but hell, i had no self control. my body was moving on it's own, making it's way to the kitchen. most of the sharp objects had been hidden, except the kitchen knives. they were used for eating, so i guess my mom felt the need to leave them out.
quickly grabbing one that look moderately sharp, i ran back to my room. sitting on the bed, i sighed. i'm so stupid. i wished i could've just sobbed, but it wasn't a sad-kinda feeling. just empty. i doubt i could cry if i tried.
my upper-arm, that was the spot i had chosen. slightly pinching the skin, my hand raised, the cold blade touching my skin. ah. then it started.
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"y/n? your mom let me i-"
flinching, the knife fell out of my hand, i quickly shifted, trying to hide my arm.
miya just stared at me.
shit.
"u-uh i- it wasn't-"
sputtering out, i paused, struggling to find some sort of excuse.
"you don't have to say anything."
slightly gasping at his words, i stared at him, confused. was he angry?
"here, let me clean that up. please?"
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"stop apologizing, i'm not mad. or disappointed."
i just turned my head down. god, it would've been so easy if i had just, oh i don't know, locked the door?
now, there i was, sitting on the rim of the bathtub with my sleeve rolled up, while miya dug through some first aid kit he had found under the sink.
after a few second, he walked over to you with a wet hand-cloth.
"here, this might sting, okay?"
i slightly nodded as he gently grabbed my wrist, pulling my arm towards him to he could hold it while cleaning it off.
maybe it was the pain, or maybe i was just overwhelmed with emotions. but either way, the second the cloth hit my skin, i was crying. i turned my head away for him, and i covered my mouth with my free hand.
he didn't say anything.
just continue taking care of me.
like he always did.
realizing that just made me seem to cry harder.
he took the cloth off, grabbing bandages he had previously pulled out and began wrapping my arm.
"there, all better."
wiping off my eyes, i sniffled.
"y-yeah, thanks."
"do you want to talk about it?"
his hand was now on your shoulder, probably trying to add some sort of comfort.
and damn, did it work.
"no.. i just- i don't know i just needed to let out some emotions.. i guess.."
"here, come with me."
"where are we going?"
"you'll see."
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the middle of no where. that's where we were.
apparently it was some big field near miya's house.
"i don't get why you brought me here. are you going to kill me or something?"
"no, that's not it. you're here to scream."
"...what?"
he looked around on the floor for a second before picking up a medium sized rock, handing it to me.
"think of something that makes you angry, or upset, yell about it, then throw the rock as hard as you can."
deadpanning, i asked if he was crazy.
"c'mon! do it!"
"fine, fine."
huffing, i thought.
ah. i know.
taking a deep breath, i gripped the rock.
"I'M TIRED OF NEVER BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND MY EMOTIONS."
slamming the rock to the floor, i watched as it slightly bounced up, a little out of breath.
"holy shit, that did feel good."
he just smirked before handing over another rock.
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that went on for who knows how long, before he walked me back home. finally, arriving at the door, he stopped me before i walked in.
"you can talk to me, okay? you know that? or, whenever you want, i'll take you back to that field. or i'll even just send you directions if you'd rather go alone. but.. please don't hurt yourself."
smiling, i nodded.
and then i was pulled into a hug.
i was slightly surprised, considering how flustered miya got. but hugged him back, none the less.
"i'm proud of you, y/n."
that was all he said before letting go, giving a smile and wave as he walked away.
i stood in shock for a few seconds before turning, walking into the house.
i knew my face was red, just from how hot it felt. resting my hand on my chest as i felt my heart pounding, i smiled.
with no confusion what so ever, i knew, i was happy.
YOU ARE READING
nihilism (miya chinen x reader)
Fanfiction"how can you say something so sad with a smile on your face?" "c'mon catboy, is it really that sad if it's true?" in which two gifted burn-outs find comfort in each other's warmth. DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SK8 THE INFINITY OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS.
