nihilism (miya chinen x reader)

WANTING/// CHAPTER THIRTEEN

(i think this chapter is like? completely different writing style than the rest? i think i like this one better?)

GROANING, the h/c girl picked her self off the floor, brushing her palms off in an attempt to make them stop burning.

"are you alright?"

looking up at her green eyed friend, she simply nodded before fixing the board in front of her.

"you know, it's still not too late to just drop out."

her eyebrows furrowed and she stared at the boy, an annoyed look gracing her features.

"i already told you i wasn't going to do that! i'd rather get hurt than be a total coward!"

the boy just sighed, trying to think of something, anything, to change her mind. but, his attempts were useless, because once again she was holding onto his shoulders, making another attempt to ride the skateboard.

she stood on it before looking back a miya, signaling for him to tell her if she was in the right position. he looked down at her feet before giving her a nod, which she returned with a smile.

the calloused hands were slowly taken off the teenagers shoulders, as the girl stood up on her own.

"good, now push off."

she turned so her feet were parallel to the board, before pushing off with her back foot. the attempt was rather successful, though almost painfully slow.

miya sighed, walking over where she had came to a stop.

"you really should just give up."

he noticed the negative reaction that sentence had gotten him, watching as the girls eyes widened before her head turned to the floor.

"that- that came out wrong.. look, do you even want to skateboard?"

y/n sighed, allowing her legs to drop as she sat on the board below her. she rested her head in her hands, staring at the bruises that literred her legs.

"i don't know what i want, miya."

"well, are you learning because you want to, or because you feel like you need to?"

"i just said i didn't know, what part of that did you not understand?"

he slightly backed away, not expecting the sudden outburst, but the girl just sighed, putting her arms around her knees and she stared down at the ground in front of her.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean that."

the boy walked over, sitting down on the floor next to his friend.

"this would be easier if i knew what you were thinking."

that statement earned a chuckle from the girl, who ruffled his hair before falling backwards, now lying on the rough concrete.

"no, it'd be easier if i knew what i was thinking."

"i know what you mean."

miya followed her, lying down next to her, staring at the clouds. it really was a rather nice day.

y/n's head turned towards him, an almost bright look on her face.

"you do?"

she watched as the skater nodded, not removing his eyes from the sky above them. she turned back as he answered.

"hm, i think so. you want to be right, is that it? you don't want to make the wrong decision."

finally, he turned to her, waiting for some sign that he was correct.

"..i wouldn't doubt that.. you're probably right."

"i don't like being wrong either."

there, both of the teenagers lied on the floor, staring at the clouds in silence. comfortable silence.

after a few minutes, y/n finally broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper.

"so.. then what's the right choice?"

miya just shrugged before turning to her.

"you tell me."

she deadpanned, glaring at the boy.

"can i sleep on it?"

he laughed, sitting up.

"knock yourself out. i gotta get home for dinner. oh, and i'm supposed to tutor you once a week, so meet me in the library tomorrow after school, okay?"

"damn, okay. my grades aren't even that bad."

"be glad you get to spend time with me."

as they both stood up, y/n reached up and pinched his cheek

"fair enough, neko-kun."

she didn't even give him time to respond, just turning on her heal and throwing her hand up as a backwards wave.

it was a monday afternoon, after school. as the girl arrived back home, finally, her mom was back.

"oh, there you are! where were you? you've been gone all day!"

that, sure enough, earned the older women a glare from her daughter.

"where was i? you've been gone for like, a week!"

"your mother just needed some time for herself, i'm sure you can understand that."

with an eyeroll, the younger of the two walked away, not really caring to hear any excuses. given that she had been outside all day, she figured it was best she took a shower.

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the sound of running water filled the bathroom, steam coving the mirror. there sat y/n, on the shower floor letting water run down as she desperately tried to read her own mind.

usually, it didn't really matter what she wanted. being a bit of a people pleaser. hell, she barely even had her own opinions, alwayd throwing them away so could do what she was used to, simply following the crowd. that was much easier, anyways. now, suddenly she had to make a decision.

she knew it was simple, but even choosing what to eat felt like a life-changing decision. she didn't understand it. she seemed so desperate to make good of a life she didn't want, she cared so much about something that she constanly told herself was meaningless.

her hands gripped at her hair, pulling it as she dug her face into her knees. it would be so mucn easier to just throw herself off a bridge, then she's never have to make another decision again.

but that damn stupid promise.

she wasn't sure what drove her to make it, but god did she feel like she regretted it. thinking that almost made her laugh,

hence on the "feel like".