The Girl Who Lived

Secret Meetings at Midnight

May 4th, 1996

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There was only the small buzzing of voices filling Elena's ears during the past week. It was the most she could endure, the most she could handle but it was so much better than nothing.

Baby steps were the fundamentals. Those fundamentals were the only thing that allowed her to move forward and not kill Professor Umbridge every time she came near Elena.

Day after day in Defense Against the Dark Arts, it was difficult to even breathe near Professor Umbridge. By the end of the week, Elena had learned how to keep her head down and breathe through the ache in her body.

Was she tempted to rip Umbridge's head off? Of course.

Would she act on it? Most likely not.

Since the day Neville had revealed a small secret of his family, she had found something within herself she had never known- not even when she was still the Langston's beloved and perfect daughter. It had shocked her enough to reach out and take Neville's hand as a thank you.

Inner peace.

Even through the silence in her mind she had locked herself into, the peace was out of reach each time she remembered how it had felt to give life to a wildflower that grew right in her palms after helping it and extending drops of life. The peace was a milestone she hadn't ever reached before, not even when she was learning to live again.

But somehow along the prickly and twisted way, she had understood how it felt to be at peace within yourself, even if you weren't at peace on the outside.

Since then, she had kept her head down, stopped wincing everytime the wounds on her back reopened, had even painted her nails again for the first time since. But she had not broken her prolonged silence. She wasn't sure she could. 

Her legs dangled off the Astronomy Tower railing, where she had once sat with Draco Malfoy and told him they would jump off- together. Only this time, she was alone, underneath the bright sunlight that coated her arms and face brightly, illuminating the places where the shadows couldn't reach.

The breeze caressed her cheek gently, almost lovingly. The birds sang louder than usual, if it was possible. Was the sun brighter too? Everything seemed softer but better.

Even the tall boy with near white hair leaving the grounds with two others, seemed more beautiful than usual. Elena had sat next to him for the past week, a silent comfort she didn't know she needed, and he had never complained once about her silence. She figured it was a blessing for him to not hear her voice- Elena knew he found it annoying, even if he had never said it.

Sometimes, she dreamt about going to the meadow and finding him there or other times, she dreamt of them, doing other things, beautiful and peaceful things. Wrecking havoc through London, Elena's favorite pastime, or even just sitting in a damned greenhouse together. It was strange but still nice.

Elena felt her shadows dance as Draco glanced up. She blended into the whirls of black smoke behind her, hiding from his gaze. She flushed a touch as he looked away and she turned to the sky.

The days had been as quiet as she was, except for the dark, depthless spills of night that covered her while she attempted to sleep and failed miserably. It was only ever at night when she at last shut her eyes to sleep that the repressed memories circled their way around her brain.

Torture, over and over again. It was all there ever was anymore- torture.

It was an unbreakable cycle. Sleeping, nightmares, attempting to remember where and who she was, vomiting into the toilet, rocking herself to slow insanity against the edge of the marble wall and waiting for the sun to rise. And all of it, the pain and suffering, the memories replaying would happen every single night until the demons waiting to take hold of her finally moved away because even they knew that this was her greatest torture.