I'm not going to lie and say I slipped back into my old life with ease. The truth was, it sucked. My wife, was a floppy ragdoll, unable to complete two word sentences or feed herself applesauce who relieved herself in a diaper.
In a single day I'd lost four kids.
And my heart ached for the life I'd created for myself which had faded away, details I'd known by heart like the precise shade of lavender of our bathroom, slipping away with each passing second like when you wake up from a vivid dream and by noon have forgotten everything expect the vague hazy, idea of it.
Jess was gone, which didn't make much difference to Michael because he didn't know any different, however to be it hurt somehow worse than the first time.
The only redeeming factor was that I had Ashley.
Who I'd begged my Mom to let come out and visit me as soon as possible, to which she'd confusedly agreed.
It was a week later, and two days before Ashley was due to arrive when I climbed out of bed and shuffled my way out of the hotel room and out into the chilly, February morning.
Pulling my beanie, which Luke and Calum had stretched out with their fat heads, over my ears, I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket and slipping my ear buds into my ears set off down the icy sidewalk, watching my breath curl in clouds of wispy smoke before my chapped lips.
I liked being with the guys, but it wasn't the same, everything just felt off so I found myself keeping more or less to myself, joining them at show times only to return to my room where I would remain until show time the next night.
Except for my walks. Every morning, I took a walk.
Looking up at the sky which was a canvas of pinks, oranges and purples as the sun rose in the distance over the tops of the buildings, it's rays reflecting off of car mirrors and windows creating glares which lured me into a false since of warmth.
Bowing my head as I passed a woman out on an early morning run pushing a double stroller where two bundled up twins sat, one in pink, one in blue, I carried on.
Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade, it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard..
Pulling out my iphone and glancing down at the song, I turned it up a click before slipping it back into my pocket before crossing the street to where a bench seemed to be beckoning me temptingly.
Sitting down, I leaned back and pulling the hood of the sweatshirt, under my jacket, over my beanie, looked out at the street infront of me.
There were shops on the opposite side, a star bucks, a bookstore, a small bakery, a pet store and several clothing boutiques.
It was calm, quite, quaint, at least it was, for a moment before the otherwise quiet was shattered by the loud, rusty grumbling of a car rounding the corner down the road.
Nosily, I watched as the stomach bile pink, Ford Pinto sped into view before jerking to a stop on the other side of the street.
Pulling my phone out, I pretended to text someone while watching over the top as the passenger side door opened and a rather tall, blonde girl stepped out, pulling her jacket tighter around herself as she did so.
No sooner had she closed the door then the car ripped away, leaving her wobbling on the curb. Steadying herself, she looked around nervously and spotting me offered a small smile which I returned, before she turned on her heel and disappeared into the pet store.
