I am going to update in a minute but first, I'm going to tell you about last night and how I went to a fifth harmony concert (don't shoot me)
It all started on a Tuesday, (im not even kidding, it did) my friend, Jenna, said she would be home from college and asked if I wanted to go to a 5h concert.
I was like, fuck no, have you seen the hashtags those girl's heathen fans start about my babies...... But then I realized someone was actually inviting me out in the real world and I was like "pull yourself together fool! You're going!"
So I said yes.
We got there, to the small royal oak music theatre at like 3 yesterday..... The doors opened at six.
For three hours we stood there but it was fun because there were these really nice people in front of and behind us, two boys and two girls.
So skip forward a million years we finally get inside and it's me, Jenna and the same girls and boys from outside standing in a little group and its a lot of fun..
Then the first opening act comes on, she's a DJ, it was great, she played I don't fuck with you and all the moms and their little kids got pissed.
Then some other girl came on and I have no idea who she was and I didn't know her songs so it was like "ohhhhh yayyyyyy okay, are you done yet?"
And then these two girls, that were very large, I didn't mind I love everyone I thought they were great because they reminded me of katy from skinny, moved to stand in front of us, which was fine we couldn't see anyway. But they were insane, I was dodging their elbows the rest of the night, one of them also Kept jumping up and down on my foot. So I pulled a REgina and told her I liked her dress and she gave me the up and down look then whispered about me to her friend.
After the second opening act do you think the show started?
Hell no.
There was still this dude Jacob Westside or some shit who was pitchy as hell and stole a bunch of Ed Sheeran songs and butchered them.
By now my feet were killing me.
I don't know if you've ever worn vans for hours and not sat down, but it's a form of TORTUE I just wanted to sit for five seconds (pun intended) but I was smooched on every side.
Finally after a small eternity 5h came on and I was like "ohhh YAY AFTER THEM I CAN GO HOME!"
But no my friend they had a 17 song set list and I know like 5 songs.
So there I am, standing there making small talk with one of the nice boys we'd been in line with and then 5th harmony comes on stage and it turned into a damn rave .
The lights go out and spot lights, strobe lights, bright ass lights, headlights, Siren lights, easy bake oven lights, every type of light goes on stage. It was insane I mean it could give anyone a seizure.
And as the girls come on stage their fans rush forward like demons fleeing hell.
Now I thought this concert would make me have some respect for 5h fans maybe just the twitter ones are crazy, that's what I told myself anyway but the answer is no, they're all batshit insane.
At the 5sos concert I went to at the same venue girls moved out of the way and stood sideways and shit so other girls could get close.
Not here, it was every girl for herself they were pushing and shoving, elbowing and standing on toes, pushing people off their feet it was madness.
It was fun-ish for a while I mean it was better then sitting home twiddling my thumbs. So im enjoying myself my feet hurt im tired, it's a 100 degrees in there it's deafening, I can't hear anything it's just a constant white noise....
The lights were insane going bright over the card then dark, then bright, all the strobe lights, the heat, my aching feet, the noise, the lack of water, (we got sprayed in the face every 20 minutes that was it) the fact that it was going on nine and I hadn't eaten since eleven, the fact that the girl infront of me kept getting hair hair in my mouth and it smelled like sewer sludge.
I was like, I know why girls at concerts drop like flies.
And then I was like...... Oh shit.... I feel like shit.
My head prickled, my stomach was churning I was sweaty and dizzy and I knew that like the great Ke$ha once said, "I'm going down, im yelling timber."
I tried to pretend I wasn't, twisting my thick ass hair off my neck I stared at the ground and just kept thinking, "don't pass out, don't pass out, don't pass out."
But it didn't get better.
It got worse.
I must have looked like a hot mess minus the hot part because the boy next to me kept asking if I was okay to which I foolishly replied, "im fine."
But after a while I knew I was going to hit the deck.
So.... I poked Jenna in the back and pointed to the exit doorway where the gainers were taken and said, and I qoute, "I need to go over there."
Everything after that was not on my rider, she said something I don't know what I was looking at the ground trying not to faint again.
I felt the boy grab my arm and drag me through swarms of angry people who didn't want to move out of the way while I was stumbling along falling in and out of consciousness.
And then we broke out, out of the crowd and to the side were security stood, the promised land of fresh air!
And this guard was like, "are you okay?"
But I couldn't talk. So he made me sit on the steps and I got water and just sat there, grateful that I hadn't fainted all the way.
After a minute I was like whew im good now, but apparently it's mandatory that the "medic" look at me so I don't die and sue I guess.
So an ambulance guy came and he was beautiful. He looked like the long lost fourth hemmings brother. Tall, blonde, with a quiff, blue eyes, good biceps, a little stubble, and a damn sexy EMS uniform.
And so he leads me to the back room and im stumbling like a drunk because my legs feel weird so he steers me there with his hand on my lower back.
And I sit in this chair and have to stare into his beautiful face while he asks me questions I can't hear and checks my pulse and what not.
And then im free to go.
So Jenna and the wonderful boy, the first boy my age to talk to me like an equal and not like im an ugly idiot. The boy who led me to water, the lovely boy who I probably would have excepted a marriage proposal to on the spot if he wasn't probably gay, led me back over to the front where the concert was.
Big rob that huge security guard who has been everyone's security gaurd passed by me and touched my back.
They sang boss.... A song which is kind of dumb but I knew it at least and then it was over.
And that my friends is the aorry of how I was social and not a hermit and met a lovely boy, went to a concert and almost fainted.
The end.
I will start the update now.
