Alone Without You

2

TW's:
-Mentions rape
-Self hate/disgust

After I had been sitting in my chair for hours long, replaying all things that happened to me in my head, I went down to lay in bed. Most of the time I just told everyone I was sleeping when I didn't feel like talking, but I barely slept.

I was always thinking and as soon as I fell asleep, I had a nightmare about what happened. I hated her, I genuinely did, but even though I hated her, I knew it was still my fault.

My thoughts kept going until Dream suddenly called me on Discord. I accepted the call on my phone and stayed quiet.

'Hi, George,' Dream started.

I hummed as a response and Dream paused a little. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah,' I whispered. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to lay in my bed and cry.

'Did something happen? You can tell me anything right?'

'Can you just tell me stories?'

'Of course, does it matter what stories?'

I shook my head, knowing he couldn't see that.

'I guess that's a no,' he said, breaking the silence.

I loved the way Dream told me stories. He had ADHD which sometimes made his stories awfully chaotic, but it was funny to listen to. It was funny to hear how he stumbled over all his words because he got so enthusiastic about his own story. When I felt down I always triggered him with a word so he would tell me a story.

'Oh my gosh, George! I know a story. You know uh- like five, no- six, maybe seven, wait- no five actually years ago,' Dream started.

I already giggled really quietly. It was cute to me how he stuttered and started talking louder because of happiness.

'I know like that- wait, do you know uh- I forgot his name, but like it's a basketball player.'

'I have no idea, but sure.'

'Wait, there's a fork on my desk, let me put that away.'

'You were telling a story.'

I also adored the way he could get distracted by anything in a split second. Some people found it annoying, but I found it cute. I knew it was because of his ADHD, so I didn't judge him for it at all.

'Oh, yes. The story. So it's actually a pretty stupid story, but well. You see that basketball player. Wait, what did you say when I asked you if you knew him.'

'I said that I didn't know him.'

'Did I even say his name?'

'You didn't.'

'I forgot his name, but uh- I met that guy accidentally once. He was walking on the street and I was coming home from doing my groceries.'

'Oh, that's cool.'

'I asked him for a picture with him and we took one together.'

'Sounds great,' I said.

'Yeah,' Dream said and he started stimming a little. He always did that to calm down and he started making weird sounds. Something I also adored about him.

'Bop, bop, bop, GEORGE!' he suddenly screamed, making me startle.

'Hi, I'm here.'

'We should record that video.'

'Now?'

'Only if you want to, but otherwise it's fine too.'

'I'm sorry, I'm really not in the mood today.'

'Okay, did something bad happen?'

'I guess, but I don't want to talk about it.'

'That's fine, bet you've been an idiot again.' He wheezed about his own sentence and even though the comment was hurtful, I still giggled because of his wheeze.

'By the way, George. I met this girl in the park today and she asked me to come over once.'

'NO, DON'T,' I immediately screamed.

'Uh- you good?'

'I'm sorry, uh-.'

'What do you expect I'm going to do?'

'Maybe she will do something bad to you.'

'Well, I don't know what you're expecting, but I can easily fight if she does anything. I'm not weak or anything.'

'You don't have to be weak to not be able to fight back.'

Dream laughed shortly. 'What do you think she's going to do? Kill me?'

'No, uh- maybe touch you.'

'Touch me?' Dream giggled. 'I can say no to that when I don't want her to.'

'That's not that easy to say no.'

'Yeah, well for me it is.'

'But what if she ties your hands and does things to you?'

'Dang, what shows did you watch lately?'

'I haven't watched any shows,' I whispered.

'Tying my hands, touching me? What's the next step in this story, dude.'

'Uh- rape?'

'What the hell, do you think she's going to rape me? Why would she? Like, I can just easily fight against her.'

'It's not that easy.'

'Are you good, George? What did you read or watch, dude? It's not good for your mindset. I can easily go and fight back if she does anything. I can just go there and chill with her a little, it's sweet that you're watching out for me. But be honest, it doesn't happen that often that a girl randomly rapes a guy when he comes over.'

'Boys get raped too though.'

'Yeah, I know. But it's not really likely that I'm going to be raped. Like you would have fought back too right? There's nothing to be scared about, I bet you've also met up with a girl once.'

I couldn't take it anymore and I ended the call, throwing my phone away. He made me only feel so much guiltier and so much weaker. I knew it was my own fault, I would always feel like it was my own fault. Everyone around me made it even worse.

And sure, Dream didn't know that I got raped at all, but still. I tried so hard to forget it and to be happy, but I couldn't. I was trying to give off hints that I was raped, but either no one understood the hints or they didn't believe me.

I heard my phone buzz constantly, but I didn't feel like grabbing it. I was done with everyone today, it felt like everyone just hated me. I was raped and no one even believed me.

1017 words