Alone Without You

24

TW's:
-Mentions rape
-Self hate/disgust
-Mental breakdowns/panic attack
-Mentions pregnancy because of rape

Dream and I went to our room and I had cried in his arms for hours long. I didn't want to be a father and I didn't want to ever have to explain my child that their mum raped me. I looked up at Dream and he smiled at me.

'Are you okay?' I asked.

'Why wouldn't I be okay?'

'Because I'm becoming a father.'

'So am I. I'm going to help you.'

'I bet you hate it secretly.'

'Not at all. I never really thought about getting kids before, but now I really like the idea. I'm helping you raise the kid and I will treat them as my own if you want me to.'

'Do I tell people?'

'You can tell Bad and Sap.'

'Do they know I got raped?'

'They don't.'

'Shall I tell them?'

'If you're ready to.'

I nodded. 'I think I am.'

Dream smiled and turned on the PC we had brought over here. He opened Discord and started a call with Bad and Sap.

'With video?' he asked me.

'That maybe comes across more serious,' I whispered.

'Okay, sweetie.'

Dream turned on our face cam and waited for Bad and Sap to join. They joined two minutes later.

'Can you uh- maybe turn on your face cam too?' Dream asked. 'We have to tell you something really important.'

'Of course, dude,' Sap said, turning on his face cam. Bad did the same and I wiped my sweaty hands off on my sweats.

'Let's uh- just start with uh- this- so uh- I'm uh- I'm going to get well- I'm going to become a uh- f-father.'

It was quiet for a little and Bad started yelling happily, not realising Dream and I couldn't have kids together.

'I'm so happy for you two!'

'Bad, shut up,' Sapnap said concerned.

'I'm happy for them.'

'BAD, they are both boys and friends.'

The realisation hit Bad now and he looked shocked. 'Wait, what? Are you- what happened?'

'We are- I am-,' I whispered. 'It's too hard for me to say, Dream.'

'Shall I tell them?' Dream asked me.

I nodded and grabbed his hand tightly. 'Please.'

'I'm not going into details, only I really know the details, but George has been raped three times by a girl who is now pregnant.'

Sap's mouth fell open and Bad stared at me in shock. 'Wait what?' he whispered.

'I am a rape victim.'

'And George is going to be a father of a beautiful baby, where George and I are going to take care of together, so technically I'm going to be a father too,' Dream said, he sounded happy.

Sapnap didn't say anything yet, but then smiled. He exactly knew what to do apparently. 'I bet that's going to be such a beautiful baby if they look a little like George.'

I smiled shyly and cuddled up with Dream.

'I'll fly over there to meet your kid,' Sapnap yelled. 'Do you know how long it's going to take?'

'Around five months.'

'Oh my gosh, you have to look for baby stuff,' Sapnap said. 'You are in an apartment together now right? Are you going to come to America or what is the plan?'

'We haven't discussed this at all yet, we just know we are going to have a kid.'

'We,' I whispered.

Dream smiled at me and rubbed my hand. 'We, George. We are having a kid, you're not alone in this. Even though I'm just your friend, I'm helping you.'

We talked with Bad and Sap for five more minutes and then ended the call, making me immediately burst out in tears again.

'I don't want to have a kid because of rape. I never even thought of getting kids anyway.'

'As soon as the baby has been born, you will love them.'

'How do I ever explain this to my kid? They are going to want to know who their mum is.'

'They are going to have two dads and I'm one of them.'

I smiled shyly and I hid my face in Dream's hoodie.

'I feel so disgusted about myself,' I whispered. 'I let it come so far that she was able to get pregnant because of me. You won't even be my first time.'

I bursted into tears and curled up like a ball.

'George, can you listen to me?'

I nodded slowly.

'You got raped, Georgie. You got forced into things you really didn't want to, you got hurt because you fought back, you had your hands tied against each other's, you couldn't move at all. That is in no way considered a first time, okay? If you don't want that to be your first time, it ISN'T.'

'But technically I'm not a virgin anymore.'

'I don't care at all. The first time doing something like that IN LOVE, that's your first time.'

I nodded slowly. 'But I'm a father.'

'And I'm going to be too, because I'm going to consider them my baby too.'

'That means so much to me, do you actually to care for the baby together with me?'

'I will, I'm your friend and if we would have been together and you were a girl who got pregnant I would also care for the baby.'

'But then it was your choice.'

'I choose to care for it too. I could have said I didn't want to, I could have been an absolute dick and left you alone, but I DIDN'T. I love you no matter what, father or not.'

'But YouTube? I'm really not ready to tell them I got raped.'

'We can tell them we both became fathers.'

'Isn't that really coincidental?'

'I don't mind, we don't have to explain anything. It is our private life. They will understand that we are less active the first months.'

'You have helped me so much,' I whispered. 'I'm sorry for crying a lot and-.'

'Stop, sweetie. You're really traumatised and it's normal to cry about what happened.'

I nodded slowly and cuddled up with him.

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