Alone Without You

28

TW's:
-Suicide attempt!!! (overdose)
-Mentions rape (trauma)

So sorry

A few days later the nurse had left, she had explained us a lot about what we had to do and Dream understood it all. I hadn't listened for a second to her after I screamed at her. She asked who the mother was and I screamed that Dream was the father too. Then she asked if it was because of a donor, I bursted into tears and ran away, while Dream explained her I got raped.

Today was the day when Sap and Bad would come here and honestly I couldn't be happier, even though I was happy for the wrong reasons. They could take care of my baby now and I didn't have to help for a little. Of course, I needed to help the kid growing up, but I just couldn't.

Dream and I decided to call her Amy and I had honestly not felt worse than I did today. I wanted to be there for Amy, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I didn't have sleep and Amy constantly cried. Dream always got out of bed to take care of her and he seemed to love it. He loved the idea of being a father apparently and he was also an amazing dad.

Sap and Bad were currently both in the same car driving to our place, they hired one because we couldn't leave Amy alone here and they could come here within now and a half an hour.

And it was indeed around twenty minutes later when the doorbell rang. I sat in front of Amy's bed and Dream walked downstairs. I grabbed Amy's hand and looked at her with tears in my eyes.

'I hope you aren't mad at me for not taking care of you. I'm really trying, but it's too difficult for me. I can't take care of you at this moment and I feel so guilty because you are my child. I do love you, do you at least want to remember that?'

I swallowed away my tears as I heard Dream talking to Sap and Bad.

'I'm so happy to see you, I'm so glad.'

'So are we!' Bad said happily. 'Where is George? And congrats with Amy!'

'George is completely breaking, I think he doesn't know I know, but he can't get himself to do anything anymore. He can't take care of her yet which I fully understand.'

'We are here to help too now,' Sap said.

'Come, let's go to George and Amy.'

I heard footsteps on the stairs and I looked up slowly at the door. Sap and Bad smiled brightly at me and they ran towards me, hugging me tightly. I immediately pushed them away and got so scared that I hid myself in the corner of the room.

'Guys, stop. I forgot to say that, but you can't touch him without permission.'

'I'm so sorry, George. I was a little too enthusiastic,' Sapnap said with a guilty look on his face.

I nodded slightly and smiled a little.

'Congrats with Amy,' Bad said happily.

I nodded slowly and I looked at them walking to Amy, talking to her and playing with her. They weren't even her father and they could take care of her and I couldn't. I had never felt more guilt in my life than now.

I nodded slowly at Dream who was smiling at me and I walked away, going downstairs. I couldn't handle it anymore and I was going to feel really bad for the rest of my life. I struggled to even move myself downstairs and I got the worst, but the most comforting plan I ever had.

I neglected my baby already, I couldn't take care of her at all. I would never be able to, even though she was mine. Zoey ruined my life and I hated her and myself for it. It was my fault in the end and it would always be.

I walked to a drawer in which a lot of medication was and I grabbed strips full of medication. I was looking at it with tears in my eyes, but I nodded. I just had to, it was better. I was way better for me to leave this earth, no one needed me here.

I stuffed around thirty pills in my pockets and I closed the drawer again, locking myself in the bathroom downstairs with a glass of water. I just had to, I was so sorry for Amy, Dream, Sap and Bad, but I had to.

Amy had Dream, I didn't help her anyway. She probably didn't even like me at all. I was sure Bad and Sap would also help him, but I was too done with life at this moment. I couldn't deal with the pain I had because of the rape anymore and I couldn't deal with the fact I had a child when I hadn't even ever thought I wanted kids.

I grabbed all pills, laying them down in my hand, staring at them. Just as my last suicide attempt, I didn't have a suicide letter, but I was sure they would understand. I couldn't deal with this pain anymore, I was dying because of the pain anyway.

I sighed deeply as a small smile appeared on my face. The thought of death was so comforting and I nodded. This was right, this was what I had to do. It felt right.

I sighed again, not thinking anymore about anything but about the death and peace. With that I swallowed all pills I had in my hands and I sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall. Within a few minutes my eyes started rolling away, an extreme pain came up in my chest and I started coughing slightly.

I started knocking on the door, regretting what I did and I wanted to scream for help, but I couldn't. I lifted myself up with all strength I had and opened the door. I regretted my decision so much suddenly. I had a child, I had a freaking child who I was leaving alone.

'Dream,' I whispered. 'Dream. Please, help. Dream.'

I could only wish for him to hear me.

1031 words