Alone Without You

9

TW's:
-Mentions rape (slight description)
-Panic attack (flashbacks)
-Self hate/disgust

Two days later I had to go to the doctor. I basically held Dream's hand for so long that everyone understood I wanted Dream to come with me. I was sitting in the car, completely hiding myself in my coat. Dream was allowed to hold my hand, but as soon as he did anything else, I would move away as fast as I could.

We arrived at the doctor's office and we got almost immediately called to come inside. Normally it wasn't allowed to have three people inside, but I held Dream's hand so tightly that he had to come too. I sat down in the middle chair, I looked at my hands and Dream's hand in mine. The doctor looked at me, at least I felt him staring and I kept looking at my hands.

'Hey George.'

I looked up shortly and looked back down.

'I think he can hear me, right?'

'He does hear you,' my mum said. 'He sometimes nods, shakes his head, shrugs or hums when you say something.'

'And he hums with the song he likes,' Clay said.

I saw the doctor nodding and he stood up. 'Can I do some tests, George?'

I shook my head.

'I'm just going to test your hearing and your ability to speak.' He looked at my mum again. 'How old is he?'

'Twenty four.'

'How long has he spoken for?'

'He hasn't spoken for one or two weeks. He has always spoken before that.'

'Was he late to start speaking?'

'No, he wasn't at all. He was like one or two when he started saying words.'

The doctor nodded and looked at me again. 'Can you come with me?'

I shook my head again and my mum looked at her hands. 'He doesn't listen anymore, he hasn't eaten all this time, he drinks barely, he doesn't shower after he broke down once, he doesn't even move, he's in his bedroom the whole day.'

The doctor nodded and looked back at me. 'Come, George. The quicker you stand up, the faster you will be done here.'

I sighed and stood up, the doctor grabbed my shoulder and I flinched, immediately sitting down again.

'When did this start?' the doctor asked my mother.

'Also since that time, no one can touch him anymore or he will panic.'

'Okay, George. I won't touch you, okay? Are you coming with me?'

I nodded slightly and stood up. I walked to a room next to his office and I sat down on a bed. The doctor did some tests and suddenly he asked me to lift my shirt.

I shook my head really heavily and started breathing faster, pushing my shirt down with a strength I have. The doctor walked back to my mother.

'Since when does he not want to show anything of his body?'

'I don't know, I think it was after that day too. He even showered the last time with his boxers and his shirt on.'

The doctor came back and he looked at me. 'I have to lift your shirt for a little, okay? I have to measure your heartbeat.'

I shook my head heavily and I started breathing faster, but the doctor didn't listen. He slowly moved my shirt up and I started screaming. I kicked his leg, pushed my shirt down and I ran away, falling in Dream's arms. The doctor came back and I had bursted into tears, Dream holding me tightly.

I hated the doctor, he just did something I didn't want to just as the girl did. It was awfully similar and I panicked completely. I started hyperventilating within seconds and Dream rubbed my hair.

'It's okay, Georgie. It's totally fine, okay?'

I had big eyes and I saw it all happen in front of me again, I got so extremely scared that I jumped up and started running away. Dream was quicker and he managed to close the door before I was able to get out.

'Come, Georgie. We are going to sit down and you are going to drink some water.'

I shook my head, but Dream already managed to get me walking back. After I laid down in his arms for a while, I started calming down a little and I held my face hidden in Dream's hoodie.

'Can I speak to George alone?' the doctor asked.

My mum and Dream nodded, but I shook my head heavily. No one really listened to me and Dream and my mum left. The doctor stared at me with a serious, but still a sweet look.

'George?'

I looked up slowly.

'Can you remember the day in front of you again? Can you try and explain to me what happened? You can sign, you can write, you can even try and speak to me.'

I shook my head, but still tried to explain it a little by pointing to my chest and trousers.

'George, I'm going to ask you a really explicit question. Did someone sexually assault you?'

I froze completely, not knowing what to say at all. I didn't want Dream and my mum to know.

'I have to keep everything you tell me a secret, so I won't tell your parents or your friend, or boyfriend.'

I nodded slightly to show I appreciated that.

'Did someone sexually assault you?'

I bit my lip and nodded really slowly and softly.

'A girl?'

I nodded.

'What did she do? Did she touch you, or did she kiss you, or did she do more.'

I nodded at the last part.

'Did she rape you?'

I nodded really slowly and held two fingers up.

'Twice?'

I nodded and I lifted my knees up, hiding my face.

'Would you like me to make an appointment with a therapist for you? You can try and communicate with them.'

I shook my head.

'Can you try and explain why not?'

I grabbed a paper and a pen and started writing.

I told my parents and they didn't believe me and laughed at me. One or two weeks ago, I got raped again and I don't want to tell anyone, no one believes me.

'Your parents may have not believed you, but we do. We see that this reply comes from somewhere and if you tell me you're raped, we have to believe that.'

No therapist, no telling my mother.

The doctor nodded. 'I won't tell them, I promise you.'

1071 words