Alone Without You

26

TW's:
-Mentions pregnancy because of rape
-Mentions rape (self hate/disgust)
-Mentions of panic attacks
-Small suicidal thoughts

Weeks passed like this and I probably cried everyday about becoming a father because of rape. It was honestly breaking me apart completely and next to Sap and Bad, I hadn't told anyone yet. Even though the baby would come within two to three months now.

Dream was with me any second of the day and I was feeling a little more confident today, causing me to want and make a tweet about me becoming a father. People could ask whatever they wanted, but I wasn't obligated to answer them at all. It was my private life and no one next to my close friends had to know I got raped. Maybe I would be ready in the future, but not now. Not as long as she wasn't locked in jail.

I still wasn't ready to go to the police after they scarred me so badly with not believing me immediately, even though I was so traumatised.

I looked up at Dream and I smiled at him. 'I want to tweet today that I'm becoming a father.'

'I'm so proud of you, do you want me to tweet too?'

I nodded slowly. 'But what if they are going to suspect things?'

'Do you want to keep the rape a secret?'

'But aren't they going to think really weirdly about us getting a kid.'

'What they think is not our business. They might think we adopted a kid and that we raised them together since we don't have a girlfriend. We are both a little older and it's our choice.'

I nodded slightly.

'But, you don't have to tell them at all if you don't want to.'

'I think I want to,' I whispered. 'Are you going to help me?'

'I told you that you are never alone in this. So yes, I'm helping you.'

'Are you ready?'

Dream nodded and smiled. 'Do you want me to tell them we are going to take care of a baby together?'

I nodded slowly. 'I'm so glad you want to help me.'

'I'm your best friend.'

I nodded slightly and Dream smiled. 'Are you allowed to stay in England for a little when you have a best friend with a kid here?'

'I don't know for sure, but we can discuss this later always. Let's firstly concentrate on the baby themselves.'

'I would maybe like to go to your place in America. You have a whole house and I don't really have much here anyway.'

'That would be an amazing idea, but we firstly have to take care of the baby here.'

'Yeah,' I nodded slightly. 'I still don't want to be a father.'

'I'm so sure you're going to be an amazing father for them,' Dream said.

'Do you really think so? I'm so traumatised, I can't even get out of bed.'

'That's why I'm here and we can ask many people to help us with this.'

I nodded slowly. 'But who?'

'I'm sure Sap and Bad are down to help, I'm sure your parents want to help too, but only if you are ready for that.'

'My parents follow me on Twitter, so they will see the tweet too.'

'Is that fine for you?'

'I have to tell them someday.'

Dream nodded and looked at me. 'Can I kiss you somewhere?'

I nodded slightly and lifted my hand up. Dream kissed my hand a few times and smiled. 'Can I hug you?'

I nodded and he cuddled up with me. 'Do you know what you're going to tweet already?'

'We uh- could also stream?' I whispered. 'I only don't know if I'm ready.'

'Let's keep it on a tweet then. I want you to be completely comfortable.'

I nodded and grabbed my phone, opening Twitter.

Hey guys,

First of all, I want to apologise for not streaming, uploading and not being online on any social media for months now.

I'm also going to apologise for the fact this will stay like this for a little, because I'll be announcing something.

I added a new tweet with the following text.

I'm going to be a father in a few months and I won't be able to be online as much at first. I'm also going to say that Dream is here with me and we are going to take care of the baby together, since I can't take care of them alone.

Dream and I are going to be fathers even though it's not Dream's official child. I'm really glad he's here to support me.

Thanks for the patience and support!

'Good?' I asked Dream.

He nodded. 'Amazing. Now I'll tweet something similar.'

He started typing, showed it to me and I nodded, posting our tweet at the same time. The comments started flooding in and I tried reading through them a little.

A lot of people were congratulating us, cheering and telling us they were proud, but on the other hand a lot of people started asking suspicious questions. Father with another boy, not ready and no girl, it didn't really add up. Still, I left it like this and looked at replies of our friends. I was too tired to reply to them and I cuddled up with Dream.

I looked at him shortly and smiled shyly. 'I love you so much,' I whispered. 'I wouldn't have been alive without you anymore.'

'I'm glad I could help. I love you too, I love you a lot.'

'Can you uh- answer something?'

'Of course.'

'Would you ever do anything I don't want? Or would you ever hurt me or continue if I tell you to stop?'

'NEVER, I would never do anything like that. I would NEVER do anything close to that actually.'

'If we hug and I don't dare it anymore, what do I do?'

'Push me away.'

'I don't dare to,' I whispered.

'Do you dare squeezing my hands if you want me to stop?'

I nodded. 'I think so.'

'Okay, baby. Squeeze my hands then.'

I nodded slightly and Dream started leaning in really carefully. We both closed our eyes as Dream gave me a really tight hug. He held me as if I was made of glass and after twenty seconds, I squeezed his hand. Dream immediately broke the hug and smiled at me.

'Did you like it?' Dream asked.

I nodded shyly. 'A lot.'

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