Antonio's desire

Chapter 15

4 weeks later

" Devi smetterla di sprecare il mio tempo e il cibo che ti do" (You have to stop wasting my time and the food I give you) scarafaggio (scar face) says for the hundredth time. I do not know for how long I have been locked up in this dark room but all I wanted to do was die at this point.

I could no longer take the constant beating ,asking and tormenting, it was all too draining, all I wish for right now is to be shoot straight in the head. I stare at the ball of runny pasta in front of me , I could no longer do this protest , my stomach rumbles in hunger. I crawl towards the bowl as I bend my head down getting ready to eat something, I would have used my hands but they have been tied behind me since the day I left Antonio's room. 

 As the smell of the food hits my nose I begin to cough out blood , my head spins as the sounds of laughter register around me but I can't stop myself from coughing the more I do so,the more my chest tightens, compresses in a manner I don't quite understand. And just like that I see scarafaggio entering the room and for the first time I have been locked in here I finally get to see the man's face and also the light.

He lifts my head up , hitting my cheek and speaking rapidly in Italian , I don't understand but I seem to see letters flying out his mouth and just like that he lifts me up effortlessly and out the room. I wish I could run, fight back but I have no ounce of energy in my body , my body dangles like a rope in his hold as he runs ,screaming and once more I faint.

For the second time I get to see this room again, how I've missed the view and the smell of this room but I could say little of the people. This time Antonio does not frighten me with his most pleasant features but instead with the sound of him.

I hear voices in the distance as  I lay in bed ,unable to move a muscle at this very moment I realise that I don't feel anything, I can't feel my toes nor my fingers no matter the amount of times I try to move them. I curse internally at the sight of Antonio.

"You're awake " a smile manages to escape his lips , a most small but still lovely and yet annoying smile. I simply stare as I talk myself out of the anger that is slowly coursing through my veins. of cause I'm fine , don't really know why you're so happy. 

I should be afraid but I wasn't ,more than anything I was upset , angry , at my failures and at the fact that I wasn't dead yet. I cannot believe that I managed to screw up the only opportunity I have gotten for a very long time.

But I would be lying to say that being here was not one bit terrifying, but at this very moment all that fear turned into anger. The sight of him made me revolted and absolutely furious.

He sighs at the sight of me , runs his hand through his silky hair as he stares for a moment. Should I say something?  the thought lingers for a moment , it would be best if I stay quiet, the last time I came here he dared to cut off my tongue and tortured me instead , deprived me of daylight and the use of my hands. 

"I never meant for it to be this way" he speaks cutting the awkward silence in the room, I dare laugh if I must say but I just stare , something about him was confusing , off.

"I do not wish to hurt you further although I enjoy the practice since you refuse to speak. Here is what we are going to do" with every word said his face remains unchanged , his mouth being the only feature moving.

"Belvano will not rescue you , he doesn't care if you live or die." he smirks, "You cannot go back to mexico because you're dead to them" dead , I can not be dead , my heart beats rapidly as I make sense of what he says. "Lastly now you're mine." his eyes turn cold , his smile widens as he says the word mine.