"Look at me," he began, his voice cracking in the process. "Look at me dammit!"
The tears had already spilled but fortunately, they weren't visible to him. Shaking uncontrollably, his arms were spread.
"Serre-moi dans tes bras très fort, à me fair...
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(Mentions of suicide, self harm)
Jungkook was shaking uncontrollably.
Going into Jung Hoseok's apartment was one thing, but finding Park Jimin's diary was something that couldn't be ignored. As soon as he had seen it, he knew that it belonged to him. Recalling the time that it had falling out of Jimin's backpack at school, the elder picked up immediately and shoved it back into his backpack like it was something that was never meant to be seen.
Here it had been though, in his hands.
Dozens of questions had been wandering throughout his head. Like how in the hell did Hoseok get their late friend's diary and if he had read it or not? Would it be bad if he himself opened the book and read all of Jimin's deepest and most personal feelings?
Fuck. He slowly opened the book and the first page only contained his name printed largely. He felt nostalgic seeing his handwriting and envying how pretty it was. He flipped the page and began to see a series of words and he tried desperately not to read, feeling as if Jimin was somehow going to haunt him in his dreams or something. However, the urge to read was uncontrollable; he just had to.
Dear Jimin,
This is my first entry and I'm feeling iffy about it. I'm writing on the beach, watching the sun go down and the waves crash against each other. Right now, I feel peaceful. The school counselor thought it would be a good idea to have a diary and write all of my thoughts so I thought it writing in a peaceful setting would help me relay my thoughts.
Right now, I'm thinking about life.
How annoyingly difficult it is. How could life be like that anyway? Why did "God" decide to make life an obstacle for a lot of us? Life is a pain in the ass, sometimes I get so sick of it.
I'm someone recovering from depression and countless of attempted suicides, crazy right? I met someone similar to me too. His name is Hoseok hyung. He's a bit older than I am but I found him with fresh scars in the boy's bathroom and all I could tell him that it would get better. I was telling him the truth but not out of experience.
It got better for him but I wasn't better yet.
I wanted to end it so desperately sometimes but there was someone that came into my life, came into my heart so suddenly, so unexpectedly. He's the only one that is keeping me here. As bad as that sounds, it's the only way I could describe it. He makes me me want to stay, to try harder, to live.
I'd do it for him...in a fucking heartbeat, I'd do it.
Jungkook continued to keep reading each and every entry. He had wondered why there had been no dates and why he had wrote "Dear Jimin" instead of "Dear Diary". Perhaps because the diary was meant to be for him and him only.
