The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 2

Wei Wuxian was dutifully following the drills he was running and trying to relax his tense muscles and swirling thoughts. Training always helped him to clear his head and come to terms with his emotions, he hoped that it would do so also this time. The possibility was however not high since he was trying for a week now and he still could not decide what he should do.

When Brother Xichen had come to talk to him a week ago and proposed his plan, Wei Wuxian wanted to refuse immediately. He promised however to give the matter some more though.

He supposed that his brother's arguments were solid and that he really had nothing to be worried about but there was just so much which could go wrong if he agreed. He was given time to reconsider. Of course, neither Lan Zhan nor Brother Xichen would never force him into anything, it was however clear they had really wanted him to agree.

And he was doing all his thinking this whole week which led him to this point. He only seldom joined group trainings with other disciples. Being so close to anyone was making him quite nervous and he also had to be very careful. He knew that all the others were aware of his situation and were doing their best to accommodate his needs, but he did not want to impose on them and inconvenience them too much.

It was far easier to train with just Lan Zhan who he was used to and did not have to wonder what the other would do at any given moment. Ever since he had been brought to the Cloud Recesses by his adoptive father, they have become true brothers. Only a year apart in age, Lan Zhan could always understand him the best. They were inseparable even until today.

*** Flashback start ***

Wei Wuxian was chatting excitedly with Lan Zhan about a new use of fire talismans he had just thought of. The other was listening to him attentively and humming his agreement or asking questions in just the right places. Wei Wuxian always enjoyed talking with his brother very much. Although Lan Zhan was never much of a talker himself, he tried his best whenever Wei Wuxian wanted to share something. And he appreciated it very much since he did not have many opportunities to chat with other people.

He stopped abruptly when he heard knocking on the door. It was making him very nervous since he did not know who it was. If it would be Brother Xichen or their uncle, everything would be fine. But if there was another disciple standing outside, he would have to start worrying what he or she wanted. He already started anyway, his mind was all too often preoccupied by unsettling thoughts which was part of the reason he was so jumpy around anyone else than his family.

Fortunately, it had been Brother Xichen after all. Wei Wuxian was glad, perhaps he would be able to continue with his explanation and have another opinion on his ideas. Although it seemed like his brother came for another reason:

"Wuxian, I came to talk to you today about the guest lectures which will start in next week. I know you have been reluctant to join any until now, but perhaps this year would be a good opportunity. Everyone will be of a similar age to you, you could try making some acquaintances. I think it would do you good to have more people you feel comfortable around. You are such a bright person, let others see it too."

Wei Wuxian scowled: "We have already had this conversation numerous times. Brother Xichen knows I do not feel comfortable around strangers so why is he suggesting this again?"

Before he could start giving his reason why he thought it was not a good idea, Lan Xichen continued: "We do not want to force you in any way, but just please think about it. This year, there would be many future sect heirs from all around, it would be good for you to get to know them. The whole cultivation world could benefit from your ideas and inventions.

And before you start giving arguments why it is not possible, please know that we will support you to the best of our abilities. If you want to keep your past a secret, we would do so. No one has to know about your situation either. Since there would be a number of important attendees this year, uncle will be teaching all the lessons. And I am sure Wangji will not leave your side even for a second."

Wei Wuxian was somewhat reassured when Lan Zhan hummed his agreement. But it would still not do, there were too many things which could go wrong. It would be extremely hard to hide the whole truth. He was also not convinced that what Brother Xichen was saying was completely untrue, how could his silly childish attempts at fiddling with talismans and spells be useful in any way? His experiments were ending up in an explosion more often than not.

He however understood well that the reason Lan Xichen gave was not the real one which pushed him into asking him to join group activities. He knew his whole family had been worried for him for the longest time and that they just wanted him to let go of his past and live as normal a life as it was possible under the circumstances. It was very kind of them but he did not know if he was truly ready for it.

Suddenly, Lan Zhan added to the conversation: "Nie Huisang."

He did not have to say anything more; they both knew that Wei Wuxian would be able to decrypt what he wanted to convey. It was true that last year, when Nie Huisang came for the guest lectures, they have actually managed to become friends. Wei Wuxian and him had been even close to the point when he would be so comfortable around the other he would want to try talk to him. But unfortunately, the guest lectures ended earlier than he thought possible and he had missed his chance. They still kept communicating via letters until today though.

"Ah, that is right," Lan Xichen agreed with his brother, "Nie Huisang is coming back this year as well. It seems like the Qinghe Nie sect leader had not been too pleased with him failing the final examination last year and thought it was necessary for him to retake it. If I remember correctly, you have become quite close, surely he would also offer a helping hand."

Wei Wuxian was still not convinced, he was about to outright refuse. There were too many inconveniences and he was definitely not ready to face anyone new at the moment, not even talking about all those self-important and dangerous sect heirs. It would be a disaster if he embarrassed himself in front of them or even worse, it he tarnished the Gusu Lan sect reputation with his behaviour.

Lan Xichen must have seen his inner fight and he quickly stepped in: "I do not want you to give me an answer right now, just please think about it. If you would still want to refuse once the time for the lectures come, we will respect your decision. However, if you decide to try, we will be here for you whenever you need us."

*** Flashback end ***

Wei Wuxian was thinking hard all this past week, and now, all the arguments were only repetitions of his previous contemplations: "It had been so many years already... Lan Zhan had always been only kind to me and trying his best to support me. But I really should not inconvenience him anymore, I know just how much he is missing on because of spending all his time with me. I should really try to become more independent and to forget about my past.

As Brother Xichen said, this would be as good an opportunity as any to do so. None of the other disciples have any malicious intentions, I am sure. They probably do not know about me either, they would not take advantage of me. It could actually be fine, I guess. And Lan Zhan would still be there the whole time until I can get used to the situation and also to all the guest disciples. Perhaps I would even be able to make more friends? Brother Nie will be also here.

I really should at least try it. I cannot spend my whole life being pampered and cared for here in the Cloud Recesses, I already know I depend on others too much. I need to learn to stand on my own! If it does not work, I can always go back to the way things were until now. I can hide in the Jingshi and only interact with a chosen few people... But that is actually really lonely..."

He took a deep breath and steeled himself, his mind finally set: "Yes, I will try. I will do my best for Lan Zhan; and for myself as well."

He was still not fully convinced that the decision he had reached was a good one. He was however determined to at least try to step out of his comfort zone. He knew there were people who would support him and help him regain his courage if he stumbled along the way.