The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 22

Jin Zixuan was observing with a very strong feeling of worry how Lan Wangi took Wei Wuxian who had been put to sleep by the doctor into his arms and turned his back to him. Without another word, he disappeared behind a corner of the hallway and Jin Zixuan could only stand there, stunned and not knowing what to do. Lan Xichen did not help much since he had only asked what had happened and did not answer his question yet.

He wanted to follow the two Gusu Lan sect disciples to check if Wei Wuxian was alright. He was still feeling somewhat bad that he had, although unknowingly, caused him distress. He was however not sure if he was allowed to follow them like Nie Huisang just did.

"If they are taking Wei Wuxian to the infirmary, it would probably be normal and very much acceptable for me to accompany them to see if he was alright. But since they have called to the doctor over here and he had been examined already, I highly doubt Lan Wangji would still take him there... It is more probable that he is taking him to his room to rest. In that case, me following them would be very rude and inappropriate...

But this way, I would be able to get to know where Wei Wuxian's room is and would be able to go visit him once he wakes up. I want to know what is wrong with him, if he is actually really ill or if everything Su Minshan told me about him is true. However, after seeing all this fuss and how worried everyone seems, I am already pretty much convinced. I should not go to see Su Minshan again, he is very biased against Wei Wuxian it would seem.

Should I perhaps even inform Lan Xichen about it? No, that would truly be too much meddling into their sect and family business... I am sure he already knows anyway. It looks like he cares about his brother dearly. It is such a different dynamic from my own family. I am actually kind of jealous..."

Jin Zixuan was grateful to Lan Xichen for interrupting his morose thoughts. He did not want to compare his not properly functioning family full of intrigues, promiscuity and illegitimate children to the apparently loving and caring trio of the Gusu Lan sect heirs.

And he was even more happy when the Fist Jade actually promised to answer his question this time: "Young Master Jin, will you please follow me? I wish to speak with you and also to explain to you a few things about Wuxian. I want you to understand why my brother acted the way he did and why he could not hear your apology."

It looked like Lan Xichen assumed that Jin Zixuan had already apologized and that he was upset because Wei Wuxian did not react. But this was probably for the better, the Lanling Jin sect heir did not want to openly admit that he was reluctant to express his apologies to the Gusu Lan sect disciple, going as far as blaming Wei Wuxian for the whole situation. He could go with this and actually apologize when the Gusu Lan sect disciple was awake again.

Jin Zixuan nodded and followed Lan Xichen who was already leaving towards the same direction his brothers did previously. "Perhaps he is taking me to Wei Wuxian's room after all? That would be perfect, this way, I will be able to keep an eye on him at all times...

It scares me quite a bit just how much I am worried about him, more than I have ever been about another person. I only hope I will be able to hide my concern; it would be unseemly if I was to care so much for a disciple of another sect..."

He did not know from where these feelings originated, they were certainly not something he would have learned from his family. He was afraid to start analysing them in more detail, he was not sure he would like what his inner contemplation would point out to.

For now, he contented himself with just following the First Jade and not thinking about anything of the sort. He was surprised when they have left the main residential area, then they have also left behind the rest of the buildings and were now walking towards the back mountains. Jin Zixuan's unease was only growing with each step they took.

He started wondering what were Lan Xichen's intentions, since there were no more buildings around, it looked like the First Jade was apparently not taking him to Wei Wuxian's room after all. "Perhaps he is going to explain in private, with no one around? But why in the back mountains? Or is it something else entirely?" Jin Zixuan was thoroughly confused now, he decided to however wait and not ask where they were going.

It became clear in the next moment when a building emerged from between the trees. It was quite small but it could have probably served as a place of meditation and seclusion, or perhaps as an occasional guest residence. When they entered, Jin Zixuan stopped between the door, observing the room he was led into.

It must have been a residential building after all, seeing that there were two rooms, set in exactly the same manner, connected to each other by a short entrance space. Jin Zixuan let himself be led to the small table on the side of one of the rooms. He could hear the doctor's voice from the next room and he assumed that Wei Wuxian had been placed there.

Something was not sitting right with him, it took him a while to realize what was so strange about the room. It was set as if the person living in it never left it. There was an eating area, study area, a bed and even something which seemed like a privacy space in one corner. All the necessities were there, located in a hand's reach and ready to be used. The whole room was strangely orderly, as if everything had its own place and could not be set it another spot.

Jin Zixuan had never seen a room such as these two. It looked like the occupant was living exclusively in the room, with everything in one place. In the end, he concluded that it must be used for isolation or seclusion. He would not have had enough space and freedom of movement in such a tiny and tidy room.

He could not think about it more as Lan Xichen sat down on the opposite side of the table and looked at him solemnly. Jin Zixuan felt a fleeting speck of offence that the First Jade did not even offer him any tea for this conversation but then he realized that during his inspection of the room, he actually did not see any tea pot nor a place where tea could be prepared. It was very strange.

Then Lan Xichen finally spoke and Jin Zixuan paid his whole attention to what was being said. He dearly wanted to learn what was wrong with Wei Wuxian.

"Young Master Jin, thank you for agreeing to hear me out. You must have been very surprised that Wuxian reacted the way he did when you apologized and tried to help him. I apologize for his behaviour, please know that it was not out of spite or anything like that, it is just that my brother is ill. He had been for a long time now. Because of his condition, he had been instructed privately and have little experience on how to interact with others. Attending the lectures is a kind of therapy for him. If he had offended you in any way, please forgive him, he did not mean any harm.

I cannot say more to you right now; I do not want to invade Wuxian's privacy anymore without his consent. I will speak with my brother once he wakes up and if he agrees, we will explain everything to you in more detail. For now, please understand that what Wuxian did just now had in no way anything to do with you. He had just been surprised and overwhelmed."

Although the explanation was very short and left much to be desired, filling Jin Zixuan's mind with unanswered questions, he had confirmed the most important thing. Wei Wuxian had indeed been sick and he had just aggravated his condition. Despite Lan Xichen's reassurance, he was convinced that his behaviour had caused the other's panic attack.

Once again surprised by how strong his feelings and worries were, he decided on the spot that he wanted to learn more about Wei Wuxian. He did not want to acknowledge that his feelings and emotions originated from his unexplainable and unnatural fascination with this particular Gusu Lan sect disciple. Instead, he willed himself to believe the true reason was to chase away his boredom during this long year of lectures. He still did not find the disciple he had seen on the first day after his arrival to the Cloud Recesses, but Wei Wuxian was a much desired distraction all the same.