The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 3

Lan Wangji could see that Wei Ying was struggling with his thoughts almost all the week. Ever since Lan Xichen came to talk to them, there was nothing else on his younger brother's mind. He understood that the decision the boy had to take was a hard one and he needed time to go through the whole process of considering each argument and imagining each possibility, but it was worrying him nevertheless.

Wei Ying had spent so much time alone in the Jingshi, waiting for him to come back from his lectures or duties for years now. Surely getting to know new people would help him to open up to others. For now, because of his horrible past experience, he was reluctant to interact with anyone beside his adoptive family. He could only tolerate to be around a handful of other disciples and sect children; with everyone else, he closed himself off and was looking out for their every comment and action.

It was breaking Lan Wangji's heart knowing his brother still could not surmount his past and was trapped in it. It had become less apparent as years passed but it was still very much a part of his daily life. He could not even start to imagine how Wei Ying was feeling and what he was thinking and was worrying about, he was however sure that it was nothing pleasant.

He did not want to force his brother to come out of his self-imposed half-seclusion, but it was hard to look at him and not want him to live a happier life. It was painful to see Wei Ying excited after hearing a boring story of Lan Wangji's day. He was doing his best, although it seemed not to have been enough. Wei Ying was still very much a prisoner of his past and of his innermost thoughts. Although he had come a long way from the first day Lan Wangji had seen him, he was still nowhere close to a normal heathy life.

He wanted the whole world to know just how brilliant of a person his younger brother was. Wei Ying however would only show this side of him to his closest family, he was wary around anyone else. It would break Lan Wangji's heart if the other was about to seclude himself for his whole life, afraid of the outside world; he did not even know what he was missing on.

The circumstances being as they were; he could understand Wei Ying's reluctance. It did not mean however that his younger brother could not cope with the situation just fine. He had a long practice of managing his everyday activities without any problems. He also had no difficulties during lectures not training. And all the other Gusu Lan sect disciples knew, they supported him more or less openly. If Wei Ying would want to pretend being alright, they would help him; even though there was no need for that in the slightest.

Lan Wangji always thought that Wei Ying has been ashamed about his handicap and that was one of the reasons he seldom interacted with anyone who did not already know about it. He would not try to convince him, he believed there was really no need for that. It was just part of Wei Ying's personality which he should not be hiding.

For the whole week, Lan Wangji was patiently assisting in Wei Ying's aloud inner discussions of the reasons he should or should not join the guest lectures and was answering his every question. He could see that his brother was clearly torn between both options. He wanted to somehow help in his decision process but in the end, Wei Ying had to decide for himself. That was why he did not want to influence him in the slightest. He would support which ever conclusion Wei Ying reached.

At the end of this week, just one day before the lectures were due to start, his brother greatly surprised him with his request to join in on the regular training. It was something Wei Ying rarely did as he explained that he did not like to endanger others. It was not true at all; everyone was happy to have him train with them and watch his slim figure dance in their midst. Wei Ying's fighting style had always been beautiful to watch, even though he himself believed he was making many mistakes and that it was unseemly and clumsy.

They were returning from the training field, Lan Wangji was gently leading his brother towards the Jingshi, when Wei Ying suddenly stopped. Lan Wangji copied him and waited for the younger boy. Since Wei Ying stepped out of the Jingshi very rarely, when he did, it was often overwhelming for him, he needed to take a lot of breaks and be constantly reassured that either Lan Wangji or Lan Xichen were with him at all times.

Although the Second Jade was pretty much sure the other heard his breathing, he still wanted him to know he was there. "Wei Ying?" he inquired while whispering. He did not want to startle his younger brother; it was not a good thing to do so for the consequences were never pleasant. He was reassured when Wei Ying shook his head, letting him know nothing was wrong. Slowly, his brother continued to walk towards the Jingshi.

Only once they were inside, the younger boy spoke: "Lan Zhan, I have decided, I will try it after all." He gave out a short, nervous laugh. "What can go wrong? You will be there with me and so will our uncle. And if I find out I do not want to continue anymore, I can always come back here and hide from the world. As Brother Xichen said, I really need to broaden my horizons and try to interact with people more often. Or I would end up like a monk in seclusion." Another nervous laugh could be heard, this time with a little bit of hysteria mixed inside.

Lan Wangji knew fully well that this was how his brother was trying to cope with his insecurities, laughing them off as if they did not exist and blabbering nonsense to calm himself down. "Wei Ying is still not sure if he really should try going out. I can understand that, after what he had been through, I would have probably also been scared of being hurt again. But it would just not do for him to hide from the outside world for his whole life. Never.

Wei Ying is such a radiant soul when we are alone. I would feel bad for monopolising this side of him. He really should try it; and if it does not go well in the end, then he would have a reason for his worries. Sure, he had already tried interacting with the Gusu Lan sect disciples, even attending a few joint trainings and common lectures, but that is not enough. I know that deep down, he is actually craving company. It was clear from how happy he was when he had befriended Nie Huisang. He is just really scared and it is clouding his judgment.

Now that he had, albeit tentatively, agreed to join the guest lectures, I will make sure to stay by his side unless he tells me to leave. I just want him to have a good time and discover new things. I will make sure he does not encounter any negative experiences."

Talking to the other boy now, he nodded his head and hummed his reply, trying to reassure his brother: "Mn, Wei Ying will have fun."

"You think so, Lan Zhan?" came a very hesitant reply full of doubts.

"Mn, "Lan Wangji put all the conviction he could into this single word. It was enough for him that the younger boy agreed to try, it was already such a big step to take for him; they could not have everything in one day, he had to patient with his brother. Surely Wei Ying will open up gradually discovering new things.

He had already made so much progress since Lan Wangji's – and now their – father had found him shivering on a street in the Koi Tower. He was improving every day slightly, with this huge step, Lan Wangji hoped his brother would be able to be himself more often.