The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 50

Wei Wuxian had had just enough of hiding so he had decided to go clear his head outside. Although he could not have seen Lan Zhan's worried expression, he had clearly sensed his eyes watching his every gesture and minute change of expression. He had at first wanted to hide everything but as days went by and Jin Zixuan had not been coming, he could no longer pretend. It was weighing heavily on his mind.

So now he was standing a bit away from the Jingshi, however not too far. Although he knew the back mountains quite well, every little change in the surroundings, like a fallen branch or a den of an animal, could be dangerous due to his condition. In the past, he had only narrowly escaped a broken leg a few times. If anything happened to him, he preferred to be in the hearing distance of his brother, even if he would have called for him only in the dearest of the situations as he could never be sure if there was someone else around or not.

He was just standing still, his face turned to the afternoon sun coming through leaves. He felt wonderful under the warm sun rays, so much better than in the closed off and silent Jingshi. It was quite soothing to hear the birds singing and the nature moving, at least now he knew that the world did not stop in a single point, waiting with him for the Lanling Jin sect heir's decision.

"I hope Jin Zixuan will decide soon, I cannot stand this pressure and insecurity anymore. Even if he does not want to see me anymore, he can just send a message, can he not, to let me know... I would then be surely able to give up on him fully. But if he decides to come visit me again, I wish it would be sooner rather than later. I really want to feel him close to me again. Even if I can never tell him how I really feel..."

Suddenly, he felt a familiar presence approaching even before he heard any steps coming closer. He immediately knew who that someone was. He turned towards the Lanling Jin sect heir and smiled widely, welcoming him at least in this way when he could not quite greet him as any other person. He was thanking all the gods in the heavens for this encounter.

A rational part of his brain was trying to persuade him to be cautious, after all, Jin Zixuan could have been here not to see him, it could have just been a coincidence. He could have perhaps just been having a walk in the back mountains and he did not even know that Wei Wuxian was also here. Or he could be here to tell him that it was actually their last encounter and he did not wish to spend time with him, preferring to take care of and entertain his fiancée.

The Gusu Lan sect disciple was trying hard to not feel too excited but he just could not help himself: "I know it would be best for Jin Zixuan to not waste his time with me, he surely has more important things to take care of... But I really want to believe what Uncle Qiren had told me... If Jin Zixuan chooses to spend time with me, I will not chase him away again.

But I will also not try to approach him more either, we should just stay friends. I do not want to lose him because he would feel disgusted or bothered by my feelings... I do not want to force him just to humour me. I will only take what he will be willing to offer, nothing more. That is, if he actually wants to spend time with me after what I have told him..."

Wei Wuxian's mind was only going in circles around one point and he knew it. He could not wait to hear if the Lanling Jin sect heir really came to see him or if it was just a coincidence. He almost felt like he wanted to call out to him to draw his attention to himself.

He did not have to as Jin Zixuan was now clearly just steps away from him and must have already seen him. If that was not enough of a proof, him calling Wei Wuxian's name urgently would be. The Gusu Lan sect disciple could hear the other gasping for breath and he wondered if Jin Zixuan had run all the way here. From the tone of his voice, what he wanted to say was of utmost importance, at least it seemed like that to Wei Wuxian.

The Gusu Lan sect disciple could not wait to get to know Jin Zixuan's decision, for he had a strong gut feeling that that was exactly what the other came here to tell him. Wei Wuxian's chest felt tight at the mere thought of the Lanling Jin sect heir possibly telling him this would be their last meeting. He knew he had promised himself to be satisfied with whatever Jin Zixuan's decision was to be, he was aching inside however.

He braced himself and did not let his smile falter. He did not want the Lanling Jin sect heir to change his decision because he would be pitying him for looking like an abandoned puppy. So he made his best to not let any of his inner turmoil show and only waited for the other to start speaking.

It must have only been a second or two, however to him, it seemed like he had waited hours to hear Jin Zixuan say: "Wei Wuxian, I love you."

The Gusu Lan sect disciple completely stilled, not sure he had heard right or if his mind was only playing a trick on him and changing the Lanling Jin sect heir's words to those he had wanted so desperately hear but did not let himself as much as hope for them.

It could simply not be true, Jin Zixuan already had a fiancée, and Wei Wuxian was a man, only a useless excuse for a cultivator. They could not even entertain the thought of really getting together even if Wei Wuxian had heard right. Surely Jin Zixuan must have known this already. As an heir to one of the greatest sects, the one leading the cultivation world, he had to marry a respected wife from a well-known family and continue his lineage.

"Then what is he doing, coming here and saying a thing like this? Is this his idea of a bad joke? I do not understand anything anymore..." Suddenly, a realization hit him: "I know. Even if he is feeling the same way as me, although I do not if it is really true, he is probably going to say that we cannot see each other anymore or it would be too painful for him, since he already had a fiancée... That is for the better in the end, we would probably be able to forget each other faster this way..."

Jin Zixuan seemed apparently worried now as Wei Wuxian did not react to his words. The Gusu Lan sect disciple could feel the other's qi all over the place and could hear him hold his breath. He knew he should nod to let the Lanling Jin sect heir know that he understood, but he could not find it in himself to just agree like that. His heart was breaking into a million pieces at the moment and he was not sure he would be able to ever put them together again.

Then his breath hitched and his shattered heart skipped a beat when Jin Zixuan repeated, a little unsure now, gone was his previous eagerness and confidence: "Wei Wuxian, I love you. I am sorr..."

His speech was interrupted in the middle of a word by an angry shout which made Wei Wuxian flinch. It took him a second to realize that he had already heard that voice and when.