The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 47

Jiang Yanli was sitting across the table from Jin Zixuan and was watching him intently. For the whole week the Lanling Jin sect heir was coming to see her, she had been observing him for his behaviour was becoming more and more suspicious to her. Her fiancé spent most of his time during his visits telling stories about everything and anything, it did not seem like he wanted to convey anything, more like he was talking just to fill the silence.

She also had a feeling that he was not looking at her, even though his eyes were basically not leaving her, to the point where it was almost uncomfortable, it felt like he was just looking through her. His eyes were unfocused and she had a distinct impression that he was either outright ignoring her or was seeing someone else instead of her. She had long figured which option would have hurt less, since she herself was only now trying to find any romantic feelings for her fiancé in her heart, Jin Zixuan must had it even harder.

Then again, it would not offend her too much either if he was thinking about someone else while talking to her. She had often caught herself thinking about what a certain Gusu Lan sect heir was doing at the moment, being absent from the Cloud Recesses for this long already. She was slightly ashamed of herself for not listening to Jin Zixuan's stories attentively, but she could not really will herself to find any interest in night hunt stories and silly gossip from the cultivation world.

Although she was trying her best, it did not look like she was making any progress with Jin Zixuan. Her mother would probably be very disappointed in her, but she could just not find it in herself. It seemed like the marriage would stay purely political after all.

With each passing day, she was regretting a bit more not being able to choose her own husband. "Jin Zixuan is not a bad person, I am sure he is trying hard in his own way, but we are just too different. After spending the whole week getting to know him, I am sure that he feels the same way. When I look at him closely, I can clearly see that he does not want to be here with me. Could it be that he also has already someone he is thinking about?

Sometimes, there is a strange look in his eyes when he looks at me... I can see the same one whenever I look into a mirror while thinking about the young master of the Gusu Lan sect. No, I am sure Jin Zixuan already has someone else he wants to be with. I guess we are both unhappy with this arrangement. But what can we do? It was decided long ago and announced to the whole cultivation world, it would not look good for either of our sects if we say we want to break the engagement...

There is only less than a year left too... We should forget all about love and accomplish our roles as future leaders of the Lanling Jin sect. We should not hope for a true love..."

Then something unexpected happened which made both Jiang Yanli's determination and heart break a little. Jin Zixuan stopped talking and his head fell forward. He looked so distressed, so sad at the moment. Jiang Yanli could not take it anymore.

Although she normally did not talk during their meetings, she did this time, worried about her young fiancé: "Young Master Jin, are you feeling alright?"

Jin Zixuan flinched slightly, probably surprised but otherwise, he remained silent. She decided to take it as a sign that he was now listening to her and continued: "I could not have noticed that you were behaving, if you forgive me the choice of that word, quite oddly this last week. Are you perhaps still nervous about spending time with me? Do you not enjoy our time together?"

When there was no reaction but a barely audible sigh, Jiang Yanli knew that her fiancé would not say it outright himself. She was also reluctant to actually let herself as much as believe that there could be any other way but going through with the engagement. However, if it was making Jin Zixuan suffer this much, he should just follow his heart. She could not bear to see him in such a condition anymore, just as her brother probably could not watch her and arranged their meetings.

She softened her voice even more and asked, hoping to not offend the other too much: "Is Young Master Jin perhaps already in love with someone?"

Jiang Yanli got a scare when her fiancé suddenly stilled and probably also stopped breathing for a while. Almost immediately after she had let her words out of her mouth, she regretted doing so. While both of them were apparently suffering in this engagement, their sects' future was depending on it. She really should not suggest for them to follow their hearts, if even temporarily. It would most probably only hurt them in the end.

"But I cannot really see Jin Zixuan making this kind of face all the time and walking around like he has lost at least half of his soul, it not more... It is not like I want to go against our parents, however, we should really try to experience as much as we can while we can..."

Thinking this, Jiang Yanli realized she was not only caring for the younger disciple who was still sitting frozen in front of her, but also speaking up for herself. Political marriage or not, she was barely of age and her fiancé was still a child in a sense, they needed a bit of freedom. And when it would be better than now, here in the Cloud Recesses, far away from their controlling parents.

She was surprised when her last question, to which she had not been expecting an answer, suddenly brought Jin Zixuan to nod slowly, as if he just realized his feelings himself. Which could have been very much true, Jiang Yanli realized, her fiancé was a tad bit too awkward to notice he was actually in love with someone, no matter if it was her or not.

Then Jin Zixuan lifted his head and looked at her with so much vulnerability and hope in his eyes that she was taken aback. It seemed like he was begging her for help. Jiang Yanli made her best to smile kindly and reassuringly: "It is alright, I do not mind. In reality, I myself have already someone I secretly like. I do not know if they would even accept me but I would not know unless I asked. I assume it is the same for you. If you feel like you cannot let them go or you will be unhappy for the rest of your life, it is better to try and pursue them.

Even if our parent had arranged the marriage for us, I am sure they will understand if we both find someone for whom our hearts will be beating. If they see that we are happy, certainly they would not push us to go through with the engagement. They would not want us to suffer in a marriage without love. There are many more possibilities to bring our two sects together."

After her words, there was a long silence during which Jin Zixuan was staring at her in utter bewilderment. Jiang Yanli, although a bit worried about their parents' reaction which she had just claimed to be sure about, had to smile fondly to herself. She believed that this was the first time she truly saw Jin Zixuan's honest reaction to something she had said.

It seemed like her fiancé had at last come to understand fully what she had just proposed. He looked contemplative and unsure for a second but then he shot to his feet, bowing to her slightly: "Miss Jiang, thank you for your kind words. You are right, I will not know how the other person is feeling about me unless I go talk to him and ask." He then spun on his heel and all but run from her room.

Jiang Yanli could not help herself to not feel fondness for the Lanling Jin sect heir. He had immediately brightened, there was no sadness in his eyes anymore; and he had even thanked her! With the haste he had just left with, she was sure he was going to see his love right at this moment and clear things.

She felt liberated herself and decided to go talk to the First Jade as soon as he returned, she only regretted she did not know when that would be. She was actually a bit jealous of her fiancé to be able to go immediately, it was hard to live with insecurities.

They could just figure everything out later. If they would both be rejected, they could keep their engagement intact but any other outcome of their confessions would be a little more complicated to explain. She however did not regret her prompting and her own decision to pursue her wishes. They would explain to their parents in one way or another. It was certainly better than to suffer like this for their whole lives and regret not taking any actions.