The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 71

Note: The second part of this chapter contains mentions of physical, psychological and sexual child abuse themes, rape and a mild description of a panic attack, please be warned and proceed at your own discretion

Jin Zixuan was looking straight at his parents, all the while glancing worriedly in Wei Wuxian's direction every two seconds or more often. The Gusu Lan sect disciple seemed completely overcome by nervousness, he started shaking slightly again. The more telling sign of his distressed state were his hands which he, immediately after paying his respects, hid behind his back and which were now trembling nonstop.

Jin Zixuan was not sure they should actually go through with this anymore. Although he had reassured the other that they could stop at any moment and go back to the Cloud Recesses, he was not sure that Wei Wuxian would actually tell him if he wanted to go back home. It seemed like he was really trying to go through with the introduction. He knew that it was for him and he was over the moon with happiness and worried out of his mind at the same time.

He noticed that his father never left the Gusu Lan sect disciple out of his sight, as if he and Lan Wangji did not even exist. He knew what that meant and he was getting furious: "Father is surely thinking that Wuxian is attractive and is considering putting his hands on him, just like he was doing all this time with any servants who picked his interest, no matter if female or male.

Until now, I had only found it slightly disturbing, but when it comes to Wuxian, it is disgusting and infuriating. He would try to seduce or force everyone in sight if he could... If there were no guards and servants here, I would have immediately told him a piece of my mind. I do not want to cause a scene however. I am happy that once this is over, I will go back to the Cloud Recesses with Wuxian and he will not get to see him again aside for during the actual marriage ceremony. I am glad Wuxian cannot see his hungry expression right now...

I really wonder if no one had even noticed or if everyone is just too afraid to speak up about the mighty Lanling Jin sect leader. Be it anyone else, he would have been already condemned for how many innocent people he had hurt and forced to obey him. The number of illegitimate children he has is proof enough in itself... He does not deserve my respect; but I cannot simply act up because I am a sect heir... What a situation..."

He took one step to the side, somewhat shielding Wei Wuxian from the uncomfortable stare of his own father. He wanted this to be over soon so they could go back. He would prefer to not spend any more time than strictly necessary in the Koi Tower, Wei Wuxian was not feeling safe here, and he had a good reason to even though he probably did not know about it.

Despite everything, he still needed his parents' acknowledgment and blessing for the engagement with the Gusu Lan sect disciple. So he swallowed the curses he wanted to tell his father and stated why they have arrived: "Mother, Father, as you already know, the engagement with Jiang Yanli had been called off. The reason was that both of us had already found someone we love above anyone else. For me, that someone is Wei Wuxian."

Jin Zixuan did not step away from shielding the Gusu Lan sect disciple but he gestured to him to indicate which one of the two disciples in white he was talking about.

Madame Jin smiled warmly as she looked at Jin Zixuan with her expression melting in fondness: "A-Xuan, those are wonderful news! I always wished you would be able to find true love. Although I would have never expected it would be with another man. Not that there is anything wrong with that, you cannot really command your heart. I wish you only the best and I will gladly bless your union."

Jin Zixuan smiled back at his mother, thanking her silently. Now it was all the matter of his father's approval and he would finally be able to officially start courting Wei Wuxian and be engaged to him.

Jin Guangshan's expression now become pensive, his eyes still sparkling hungrily while looking at the Gusu Lan sect disciple. Then a very disturbing smile grew up on his face and he started talking, the tone making shivers run up and down the Lanling Jin sect heir's spine. Jin Zixuan had no reason to doubt that his father wanted to set some conditions, probably at least one where he would demand to talk to the Gusu Lan sect disciple in private.

"Wei Wuxian, I am happy to make your acquaintance. Have we perhaps met each other in the past? You seem very familiar. Perhaps we should..."

Suddenly silence fell upon the hall and Jin Guangshan's lips stopped moving, his face was becoming bright red. Jin Zixuan had no idea what just happened but he did not care as he heard a sound of something hitting the ground right behind him.

***

Wei Wuxian's knees gave out under him as soon as he heard what he supposed was the voice of Jin Zixuan's father. He knew that voice only too well, it had been accompanying him for as long as he could remember, both in reality and in his darkest nightmares.

It was the voice of the man who had hurt him so much, of the man who had made his life a living hell when he had still been living on the streets of the Koi Tower and continued to haunt his every day even after that. Of the man whose actions made him so afraid of speaking that he had almost passed his days without uttering a single word, hiding away from the whole world. It had also been because of him that he was now blind and feared the smallest of touches, ever so nervous about who could hurt him next.

He put his hands over his ears to not be able to hear the voice anymore, but it was to no avail, he could still hear the man's sweet whispers inside his head.

"You are such a good boy, little one..."

"Do not be a baby, I am not doing anything bad to you..."

"Do not struggle or I make it hurt for real..."

"Come with uncle, you can earn yourself a tasty treat..."

"If you do not like it, just close your eyes. And shut up for now."

Shivers started seizing his whole body, making tears appear in the corners of his eyes. He wanted to run away but he was completely petrified, he could not move a muscle. He knew that he could not hide in this unfamiliar place, the man would find him immediately and punish him for running away.

Wei Wuxian could not think about anything else but what the man could do to him now that they have met again. He was sure that any second now, the man – Jin Guangshan in reality – would come to him and drag him away as if those almost ten years in the Cloud Recesses never existed.

True to his prediction, someone was coming closer to him, calling his name. "Oh, that is right, now he even knows my name... I will not be able to run away from him anymore, he would be able to just ask around to find me... No! I do not want him to ever touch me again! I cannot bear it... I am scared... Please, someone, anyone, save me..."

He flinched away when he felt his hand being touched. He could not help his reaction, he was just scared out of his mind at the moment and his body just acted on its own accord even though his mind knew that he was only making things worse for himself. No, he really could not bear it anymore.

He should have known that Jin Guangshan would find him again sooner or later, the world was after all such a small place. If he could not run away physically, he would at least be able to postpone the painful and harsh reality for a least a little bit. He felt his consciousness slipping away from him and he gladly surrendered to nothingness, thanking all the gods above for at least a short relief before the pain and extreme discomfort he knew were coming would start.