The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 55

Wei Wuxian was sitting on the hard ground which he only now started to fully register. When all the fighting and shouting had started, he quickly understood who were both sides. The whole situation had happened because of him, because he had feelings for Jin Zixuan. But the Lanling Jin sect heir had also said that he loved him back.

In all rights, he should have been overjoyed, but instead, he had started thinking about the fiancée which got dumped and Jin Zixuan's future which he had ruined. His thoughts had departed on a downward spiral and it seemed like they would never let him resurface again.

He had only started to consider the present when he had been lifted onto his feet and shaken, apparently by the brother of the said fiancée. He was sure that now was his time to be hit for what he had done, and he could only hope it would end there. When he was released, he rolled himself into a ball and waited for the rain of punches and kicks to start. He had had already a lot of experience with street brawls and with being chased and caught while stealing. It was best to not put up a fight and just protect himself, the damage then would be lesser than if he resisted.

Instead of pain, there was a low murmur of voices that he could not care to listen to. Surely they were blaming him for the same thing he had already been blaming himself for. He tried to completely shut everything out, he did not care anymore if he would be beaten by the brother of Jin Zixuan's fiancée or not. Once things calmed down, he would try to apologize to the Lanling Jin sect heir properly; if the other would be willing to listen to him.

Suddenly, a voice he longed to listen to for a whole week spoke right next to him and he could not help himself but to listen to it. It felt like finding fresh water in the middle of a desert or having medicine to be put on a hurting burn. It was soothing and it was amazing. It grounded Wei Wuxian to the present.

He was sure he must have been imagining the words because Jin Zixuan could surely not be repeating reassurance and swearing his love to him again. Not when there were so many other people present, he could feel them and their eyes which were staring at him.

Although he tried to deny the reality, he could not. He did his best to convince himself that nothing of this was happening, but he was failing miserably. He clearly felt Jin Zixuan sitting right next to him, he could even feel his breath caressing his bare neck where his robes had been open when he had been grabbed. All these perceptions were real, and so must have been Jin Zixuan's words.

The oh so sweet reassurances and promises of love were warming his heart. Although he had been determined to let the Lanling Jin sect heir go for him to be with his fiancée, he could not do that anymore. Even the mere thought hurt beyond belief. He knew he was being extremely selfish and greedy at the moment, however, he could no longer stop himself from wanting Jin Zixuan to be solely his.

He wanted to see the other's face to confirm that despite his voice being serene, his expression was as well, that he was not lying to him after all. It would truly break his heart this time. It was hard to let Jin Zixuan go once, he would not be able to repeat this feat. Surprisingly enough, he found out that he was ready to fight for his love right now. He almost wanted to go to the Lanling Jin sect heir's fiancée and beg her to reconsider the marriage.

He could however not do that, it would cause a complete disaster, shaming the Gusu Lan sect for being the cause of breaking out the engagement. He saddened once again. For a second only because the next instant, Jin Zixuan was answering his unvoiced pleas and assuring him that he would do anything to be with him, even break the engagement he did not want, and apparently neither did his fiancée.

This completely took Wei Wuxian's breath away. It could not be true. Or could it? More than ever before, he needed to check that the other was actually serious. Since he could not see anything, he could not check that way. But there was another possibility which he had used only a handful of times in his life.

He knew that a person's qi could help to tell their emotions if they were strong enough. And he was sure that if Jin Zixuan was lying while saying this, he would surely be able to sense it. However, there was one small problem; for him to be able to examine the Lanling Jin sect heir's spiritual energy this closely, he would have to touch him.

He shuddered slightly. He had avoided touch for the longest time, ever since that man in the Koi Tower had come to find him for the first time. He was not sure he was ready to start now, he still remembered how disgusting and painful human touch could feel and he was afraid that it would bring forth unwanted memories.

"No, I cannot think like that! It would be alright. It is Jin Zixuan I am talking about, not some random disgusting old geezer who molests children. Jin Zixuan would never do that to me, I am sure. And I really need to know whether he is sincere or not right now. It will be fine, I have nothing to fear; and Uncle Qiren and Brother Xichen would not let anyone hurt me. I have nothing to fear..."

Even when gathering all his determination, it took him another second to actually gather the necessary courage to stretch out his hand in the direction where he felt the Lanling Jin sect heir. He would never mistake his warm golden aura for anyone else's. He was certain his hand was trembling but he could very well not do much about that. Despite his best effort in persuading himself, he was still extremely nervous.

Suddenly, he could feel his hand being touched. He had thought that it would make him nauseous at best, more like freak out actually; sometimes even announced touch from his brothers would cause him great discomfort. However, he was surprised to find the warmth of Jin Zixuan's hand very comfortable, soothing even. He did not want to ever let go again. The Lanling Jin sect heir's spiritual energy was clear and serene, just as he had hoped it would be; the Lanling Jin sect heir had not been lying.

Wei Wuxian's heart rejoiced and he wanted to reassure the other that his words had not been lost on him and that he also was in love with him and wanted to spend their days together, until the end of their lives. But how could he do that when he could not speak aloud while others beside his immediate family were present? No, it was not that he could not, it was that he would not.

Since he had already broken through one barrier just a second ago, he was confident he could breach this next one as well. All he needed was a light squeeze of Jin Zixuan's hand to give him courage. He held the other's hand more tightly and opened his mouth to let his voice out, refusing to as much as think about possible consequences and who else would hear.

He wanted to tell Jin Zixuan he loved him as well. He need to say it; he had to. Perhaps he would never have another opportunity if the Lanling Jin sect heir assumed he was not returning his feelings, he would surely go back to his fiancée and Wei Wuxian would never be able to see him again. He could not let that happen, no matter how selfish it was.