The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 36

"Whatever. Just come to see my sister, do you understand? She is your fiancée!"

Wei Wuxian did not know how long he was standing frozen on the spot, trying to process what he had just heard. Although he did not hear the beginning of the argument, he immediately understood what it must have been about.

He was completely stunned, so much so that he was having trouble remembering to breathe. When he had set out of the Jingshi in an attempt to go meet the Lanling Jin sect heir who had been running late for their meeting half way, he had never expected to come upon this type of argument. Usually, he would have been scared by the shouting but the content of the dispute surprised him more, effectively chasing his fears away.

"So Jin Zixuan has a fiancée... And because of spending all his free time with me, he is neglecting her... I should have never asked him to accompany me this often, it was really thoughtless and selfish of me. I cannot monopolize him like this. Unforgivable! I had been too happy to spend time with him; I have completely forgotten that he has also other duties he has to attend to as a sect heir...

I cannot hinder his future; he needs to be with his fiancée more often. I have to tell him to spend more time with her and only come to see me when she will not have time. Although it would make me sad... Just like his fiancée must be feeling at the moment. She must surely be a daughter of one of the great sects, it would not do if I have ruined a reunion between them because of my selfishness!"

Wei Wuxian was silently berating himself, he should have really thought about all of this sooner and not having to be reminded by the brother of the said fiancée. He did not recognize his voice nor his spiritual energy, they were only barely familiar; but that had to be expected since they were from another sect and the only place he could have potentially get to know them was during the lectures where he had been doing his best not to interact with anyone.

Now he was feeling ashamed of himself for not realizing all of this sooner. Even Nie Huisang, his very first friend, could not come to see him every day, so he should have understood that Jin Zixuan would not be that free either. It was just that he loved to spend time with him, listen to his stories and spar with him or chat with him in their special, even if a bit awkward, way; basically doing anything at all as long as it let him be close to the other.

His feelings were even stronger than those he felt when being with Nie Huisang and Wei Wuxian wondered why. "How come that it is now different than when I got to know Brother Nie? Had I been not used to people at that point and that is why I had been reserved around him? But I have gotten more at ease around him by now, and I still do not feel as strongly about him as I do about Jin Zixuan...

I am sure that if I learned that Brother Nie had a fiancée, I would not be in so much pain. I would be able to congratulate him and let him go, being happy with having him come to visit me only once in a while. But why is it that when I think about doing the same with Jin Zixuan, my chest feels like it would be crushed, my heart broken and I have a hard time breathing? I am really bothered he already has someone special in his life...

Could It be... that I actually love Jin Zixuan?"

Wei Wuxian was now scared by his own feelings. It was very strange for him to realize he was in love, for he did not doubt that what he was feeling was indeed love, no matter how odd it was with his interest being also a man. He had heard from Nie Huisang that such a thing could actually happened, he however never as much as considered that it could happen to him.

He was sure that his family would not approve, and neither would the whole Gusu Lan sect. He himself felt like it was something forbidden and unnatural, only ever really considering that a romantic relationship happened between a girl and a boy. He had never heard that someone from the Gusu Lan sect was in a same sex relationship, then again, it could have been simply because his family did not tell him and he only hardly ever interacted with anyone else.

"Either way, no matter if this is normal or not, I cannot tie Jin Zixuan to me anymore. He has his own future he needs to strive for; even though I hope to be a part of it, he should focus more on the people closer to him. I need to tell him as soon as possible, right now to be more precise. How should I go about it? If I told him directly that he should go see his fiancée, he would surely think that I am poking my nose into his privacy too much... In this case, I will pretend to not want his attention anymore, he is probably spending time with me just because he is feeling sorry for me... It is nice of him, however, he really needs to think more about himself."

Just as Wei Wuxian had decided what he would do, someone run into him. It was so sudden that he had almost lost his balance. He was still so out of the concept, that he did not panic; only standing there, surprised, and trying to steady himself again. He did not have to wonder for long about the identity of this person, he recognized his voice, it was the boy who had talked with Jin Zixuan just a little while ago.

Still deep in his thoughts, he did not listen to the other too much, he only bowed in apology, he should not have been standing in the middle of the forest like this. When the other asked him to show him the way back, he immediately did so, happy he could help. He was only hoping that the boy did not feel too offended. And also that he did not know that he was the one to blame for stealing his sister's future husband from her side.

He bowed again to say good bye when the other was already on his way and then headed towards the Jingshi, preparing himself mentally for the confrontation at hand. Jin Zixuan would probably be relieved more than anything else, but it would break Wei Wuxian's heart. Even so, it had to be done, better sooner than later.