The world is still such a bright place

Chapter 23

Wei Wuxian woke up and immediately understood he was back in the Jingshi; the smell of sandalwood was unmistakeable. His brother must have brought him there after he had collapsed. He knew he had overreacted yet again and he was feeling ashamed of himself. He had decided to try getting rid of his fears but it seemed like he had failed once more.

At least this time, it was in front of fewer people; or so he hoped since the lectures had been over for the day and the disciples had left. One of them must have been still around and he had bumped into him due to his haste to see Nie Huisang faster. So much for being careful and not embarrassing the Gusu Lan sect.

Suddenly, he heard a quiet voice: "Wuxian, are you awake now?"

Lan Xichen seemed worried and Wei Wuxian knew he had a reason for that: "Of course brother would be. Since I have decided to attend the lectures, I had already had two attacks, granted the second one was less violent but still... I am actually surprised that there were not more of them. But perhaps it had to be expected; no one knows about my condition and they were not paying any mind to me, leaving me alone this whole time.

I have even gotten somewhat used to the calm and quiet atmosphere and had come to enjoy the livelier times in between lectures and other activities. Not being coped up alone in the quiet Jingshi had indeed changed me a bit. I still do not have enough courage to attend the training sessions, my condition would there be more than obvious and I could even hurt someone if I am not careful enough; no, trainings are safer with just Lan Zhan... But I wonder how it would feel to have everyone around me, knowing they have no reason to try and hurt me. Perhaps it could actually be fun?"

Wei Wuxian was very surprised by his own train of thoughts so he did not reply to Lan Xichen immediately. This made his brother worry even more when he asked his question again. This time, Wei Wuxian snapped out of his somewhat dazed state, he did not want Lan Xichen to start fussing over him and being overly cautious when talking to him.

Sometimes, Wei Wuxian felt like his family was a bit overbearing with how caring they were and how carefully they approached him. He knew he had needed such a treatment when he had been younger, he panicked a lot and was extremely scared of any changes. However now, he did not need to be cared for like a baby, he could do basically everything on his own, not requiring assistance most of the time.

It was curious and unusual for him to feel this way, but he supposed it had much to do with attending the lectures and getting used to things. Lan Xichen had been right the whole time when he had advised him time and time again to try and take part in group activities. When alone now, he actually craved the ruckus the guest disciples were making whenever there was no teacher around.

He sat up and turned his head towards the direction from which his brother's voice came, nodding it in the process. He did not respond verbally since he felt there were also other people in the room. After a quick moment of concentration and examination of spiritual energies, he realized that the others were Lan Zhan, his doctor and Nie Huisang. There was however also another person, someone he knew he should recognize but could not place just yet, as if he was searching for the right word, having it just on the tip of his tongue but not being able to remember it quite right. Their energy was familiar and strangely soothing.

It took everything he had for him not to flinch when he felt the unknown person was approaching. He was sure that his brothers would not have let anyone dangerous inside the Jingshi but he was still on his guard.

He finally realized who was this person when he heard the familiar voice of Jin Zixuan: "Wei Wuxian, I am sorry for running into you and for forcing you to attend the lectures. I heard you have been sick. I should have considered it before being so harsh with you. Will you... Will you consider starting over?"

Wei Wuxian was completely stunned. From what he had already experienced and from what Nie Huisang and Lan Zhan told him about the Lanling Jin sect heir, he would have never expected Jin Zixuan would apologize to him. Although his words seemed somewhat forced and there was only a little bit of true regret in his voice, it was still a lot more than Wei Wuxian had thought possible. His last question was even filled with something akin to begging, Wei Wuxian was amazed.

It reminded him of a similar situation which took place a year ago, only then, it was Nie Huisang who was apologizing to him and offering a friendship if he wanted it. At that time, Lan Xichen had also explained the situation to the Qinghe Nie disciple and what he did not say outright, Nie Huisang observed and deduced on his own. Perhaps the same would now happen with Jin Zixuan.

Wei Wuxian was secretly happy that he would possibly gain one more true friend he could feel safe and comfortable around. Even if what he had heard about Jin Zixuan was not the best, he did not want to judge the Lanling Jin sect heir only based on other's perceptions of him, he wanted to make his own opinion. Excited at the prospects, he nodded to let the other know he was willing to start over; well, more like even start their whole relationship altogether since before, there had been literally nothing but a single conversation between them.

He heard a loud sigh, Jin Zixuan must have been relieved he had accepted his offer. Wei Wuxian could feel that someone was observing him intently and knew his brothers were now worried about him, but probably also overjoyed at the same time. They had been extremely happy when he had started to spend more time with Nie Huisang last year and even more so, when he did not ask for their presence while spending time with the Qinghe Nie disciple.

There was also something about Jin Zixuan which was making Wei Wuxian feel strangely at ease. Even when the other disciple had been berating him, he could tell that he was actually worried about him. "What is it that makes me feel like Jin Zixuan would not hurt me? We had hardly any interaction whatsoever and still, I am not afraid of him. Is it his voice? Or his smell? Or the fact that he had come to face me and encouraged me when I was ready to give up? Or something else? I do not know... I just feel like I want to try to get to know him better."

Jin Zixuan, apparently happy by his agreement asked him again, more enthusiastically this time: "So you will come back to the lectures again tomorrow?"

Wei Wuxian smiled a bit, pleased by the Lanling Jin sect's care and nodded again. Yes, he would go back to the lectures as before, there was nothing to be afraid of. He was actually enjoying them and he wanted to be part of them. Not only as a passive bystander but as a part of all the fun all the disciples had and about which he had heard so much about from Nie Huisang.

He would take it slow, getting to know first Jin Zixuan and then perhaps even other guest disciples. He was curious about the stories they would be able to tell him, stories of the outside world. Stories, which Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen could not provide that many of since they were spending a lot of their time taking care of him and could not go out of the Cloud Recesses all that often. Wei Wuxian smiled again, he was looking forward to tomorrow.