Silverthorne Series - Angels and Demons

Want and Won't

Argen's POV

Bukas na kami mag-uusap magkakapatid about everything that bastard told us, I massaged my temples I could feel a vein pulstaing, Damn this is a shocker and I'm not liking how this thing is going. 

I got up the chair after replaying the video for the nth time I finally got tired of it. 

I headed for my bedroom when suddenly I remembered I am a married man now, napaface palm ako. Shit I'll be staying in our new bedroom nga pala. I'll think it over if I'd be sleeping with her tonight or not... Sleeping? I literally meant sleep don't over think or misinterpret it please, my choice of words are really poor at times. 

I decided to drop by first bedroom here and got me some aspirin. 

I swallowed two without water, hope it'll be enough to make me at least have some shut eye tonight.

I carfully trodded the path to our new bedroom everyone is already asleep, ayaw kong basagin ang katihimikan at gisingin sila. 

Pagbukas ko ng pinto nagulat ako ng Shy was still up, she was busy reading a book habang nakaupo sa kama.

She looked up and I saw the curiousity in her eyes, it seems she forgot we share this room.

"Why are you still awake?" tanong ko sa kanya as I cautiously got nearer, aaminin ako takot ako sa kanya, I feel so raw and trapped when I am in a room with just her. Kung bakit ako takoy? Simply because she is something I don't deserve to have, something that someone else owns. 

She also reminds me of how messed up my life is... it's torture yet I'm loving the pain, ironic isn't it?

Besides, as what I explained to her, I got fuckedup relationships, I don't know how to deal with women and commitments, all I know is how to bed them and pleasure them but never was I a fulfillment of their emotional needs. 

Hinila ko ang isang chair and sat infront of her itinukod ko ang aking elbows sa legs ko and let my hands support my chin. "I can't sleep" came her reply. It was an innocent answer yet it meant different to me, or was it because of the alcohol na ininom ko kanina, inubos ko kasi yung whiskey na natira. 

"Ok, is there anything that I could do to help you sleep?" why did that came out as an invitation? I never meant to, my resolve is slowly crumbling Damn!

She looked at me while batting her lashes in disbelief, then she leaned closer to me at inamoy amoy niya ako while nakatukod ang isang kamay niya sa leg ko. 

"Nakainom ka at Argen? Did evertything went well sa ibaba?" innocente niyang tanong sa akin. Her face was so close at di pa niya tinatanggal ang kamay niya sa leg ko. Nagtama ang mga mata namin yet umiwas ako, I need to control myself, please I'm no saint and it's been a long time since I had my last.

napansin ko na di siya nakapajama instead it was a whole night dress, it wasn't revealing neither was it a material for seduction, balot na balot nga si Shy,yet the cloth was to thin that you could tell she was wearing nothing underneath it.

"Shy, you really want to die don't you? has it ever crossed your mind that you are courting danger with what you are doing right now?"

nagulat siya sinabi ko, umatras siya pero too late, I pulled her closer to me and crushed her in a bone breaking hug. Hinila ko na rin ang legs niya and let her wrap it around me, she was now sitting on my lap facing me. 

"I'll give you until 5 to push me away, 5, 4,3 ,2" she did nothing she just stared at me her lips parted, she was still in taking in everything that is happening.

"1..." she licked her lips when I said that, and that's what made me snapped...

Siniil ko na siya ng halik, this time I took my time, it wasn't the like the rough kiss I gave her sa taiwan yet this time it was more of a passionate and educational one, she does not know how to kiss, so inexpereinced pa siya, yet I can tell she is picking up fast, she copied everything I died. 

nagulat ako when she pulled my hair gently sa may batok as if demanding more from me at mas siniksik pa niya katawan niya closer to mine.

Damn it Shysie you are treading a dangerous path, I'm near insanity...

I could taste the sweetness of her mouth and the bitterness of whiskey combined, I got more intoxicated with it at dumagdag pa ito sa kahibangan ko. I know I should pull away na before it gets out of hand. 

I felt her hand slid down the zipper of my top sa likod. Kinuha ko ang kamay niya and intertwined her fingers with mine... "Patience my sweet" I whispered in her ear.

I trailed small kisses sa neck niya, I heard a moan from her, she is already warming up. Then out of the blue my brother's memory flashed infront of me, it was the night when he told me that he loved Shysie...

I froze and she felt my body stiffen, "Argen are you ok?" she whispered in my ear, her voice was thick with desire, I could tell she is ready... What have I done?

"I'm ok Shy, I just feel a bit tired I'm sorry could we sleep now." yun na lang ang nasabi ko.

She let out a sigh, "Oh y y yes I guess so, I do feel a bit sleepy already too" mahina niyang sabi and napansin ko ang malungkot na tono ng boses niya. 

I'm really sorry,I hugged her and carried her to bed, I don't want to see her face yet, I don't want to see the pain in her eyes, for sure right now nasaktan siya o kaya she felt rejected. 

"I'll just take a bath go ahead and rest" sabi ko sa kanya and left without looking at her. 

Dali dali akong pumasok sa banyo at dun na ako naghubad ng damit.

I opted for a cold shower, kung pwede nga lang nagyeyelong tubig pipiliin ko yun.

I am aroused and I need to cool down, Sweet Jesus bakit ninyo ako pinapahirapan? bakit ang isang anghel na tulad niya ay napasakamay ko?  Is this my punishment?

I slammed my fist against the tiled wall, I saw a gush of blood, napalakas ko ata.

I just let the cold water flow freely and wash away my insanity. Di ko alam kung gaano ako katagal sa banyo, basta paglabas ko nakatulog na si Shy and I could tell she cried, there were tear streaks on her cheeks, I gently wiped them with my thumb.

Sa tingin ko hindi ako makakatulog ngayon, I put on some jogging pants, a tshirt and running shoes.

Dinala ko na rin ang ipod ko and put my earphones on, I opted to jog around until I don't know when, maybe until I'd die jogging around chasing all my demons out... 

Yet they never left, even if I'll purge them out of my system they never did... I looked at Shy before I went out, she peacefully sleeping yet a tear ran down her cheek, lumapit ako ulit sa kanya, "Are you dreaming of me?" para akong tanga na tinanong ang isang taong tulog.

"Even in your dreams it seems I'm hurting you, I'm sorry" I kissed her on the forehead after saying that then left...

Argen you really a re a jerk! A jerk! a no good useless jerk!

I started jogging, it was cold outside pero di ko na inalintana, I have bigger issues this simple chill is not even a quarter of it...