To Love A Broken Heart

Chapter 11

Maia POV

Today is the day. The day of my cardiology appointment. The day where my anxiety skyrockets. As I've said before I have a bad feeling about today. Something inside me just tells me that something will be wrong. That something will inevitably cause me to have another surgery or worse. What could possibly be worse than a surgery? A heart transplant. That T-word is a word that no one wants to hear. Surgery I can deal with… maybe, but transplant? Just take me out of my misery then. 

I look in my closet. Two rows of clothes stare back at me. Different colors of the rainbow stand out at me. Black is not a color we wear today. Brown? No, it blends in with my hair and the only shirt of brown I have, I've been meaning to get rid of. It's too small. Yellow? No, I've been told I look good in yellow, but that's too cheery. Pink? No. Red? No. Orange? Yuck. Blue? Eh, not today. 

I separate the clothes in the closet to get a better look at the shirts. My eyes and hands settle on a dark purple almost maroon long sleeve turtleneck. The fabric isn't thick so I'll get hot, but isn't too thin that I get cold. I pull the shirt off the hanger pulling it over my head. I tug my hair out of the collar and step over to the mirror, adjusting the collar,  and making sure it's sitting right on my neck. It colors the pink skin of my scar wonderfully. I had already chosen black leggings to match the look. Instead of my usual converse I decided to finish my look with ankle high black boots. 

I don't look like a homeless child, but I also don't look like I'll stand out. I grab my backpack off the floor adjusting it onto my shoulders. I grab my phone and a glance at my empty morning pill cup just to make sure I took them. 

I met my dad in the kitchen already dressed for work and placing eggs on the counter for me. "Hey peanut. I have to head out early. New boss wants us all to come in early. Can you believe that"?

I take the fork grabbing some of the scrambled goodness. "That's weird. Must be a workaholic".

"Yeah. No kidding". He came around giving me a kiss on the forehead. "I'll meet you in the lab at 1:00. I already called the school letting them know you're leaving early, don't forget to lock up before you leave, and I trust you took your meds". 

He rushes out the door grabbing his computer bag and rushing out the door. "Bye". I wave to the door. 

I let out a deep sigh. Always alone. Even when there are others here no one understands me, or cares to know how I feel. I've gone through way more than others do, and it sucks. I have no confidence and try to push others away. I'm always alone, and I guess that's how it's meant to be. 

I stare at the eggs on my plate poking at them and moving them around. The thought of what I would face in a few hours made me lose my hunger. Just like every time. Whether I'm told to fast or not I never eat before an appointment. It's just easier that way, so I'll have nothing to throw up during the day from nerves. I guess you could say I get really bad stage fright. All eyes are always on me today. 

I grab the plate scraping its contents in the trash and placing the plate in the sink. I grab my backpack keys and phone heading out the door. My phone vibrates in my hand, but I ignore it as I lock the door. I get in my vehicle tossing my backpack on the passenger seat and looking at my phone. 

Dumbass: Hey. Are you planning on skipping lunch in the art room today?

Me: I always do. Why?

Dumbass: No reason. See you soon.

I roll my eyes, tucking my phone in the front pocket of my backpack. I put my keys in the ignition and start the drive to school.

It may seem like a new thing but I always spend my lunch in the art room. Being lost in art is just better than dealing with other people. Especially better than dealing with Makenna. We've gone to the same school since elementary. She's always been a brat who's on the top of the social food chain. Everyone loves her and thinks she's amazing. I just think she's a phase. Someone who will be cool during this part of life. but won't be in the future.