Stillness

Chapter 2

The days dissolved around her as they all melted back into life at Hogwarts. A week later and Hermione felt like she was floating through it all. Occasionally, if she closed her eyes, she could pretend, pretend that the war hadn't happened, pretend that she was fine, pretend that everything was how it used to be. But then she would open her eyes and everyone would be happy and relaxed but she was still just there. She could smile and chat and study all she wanted but she knew it was all fake, an act so her friends wouldn't worry, and she hated herself for it.

During breakfast she watched Malfoy out of the corner of her eye. If he was only holding court at the Slytherin table like he always used to, she could pretend, but instead he sat beside Nott, Zabini and Parkinson, lost in his thoughts, ignoring everyone. He was a constant reminder that it had all been real. The new Malfoy, the one who caused tension in every room he walked in, the one people glared at and whispered about, constantly reminded her that she wasn't the only one forever changed.

Hermione drifted through her day, chatting with her friends and laughing when she was supposed to. She raised her hand in class and answered the professors questions but she barely paid attention to the lessons, she already knew most of it anyway. As she made her way to transfiguration she watched as Malfoy was shoved into the wall. His jaw muscle twitched as his dark eyes turned to the group that had run into him and Hermione clutched her wand. Malfoy just turned however, instead of retaliating, and Hermione watched him go with her wand in her hand.

Hermione made her way through the Entrance Hall that night, heading back to the common room from the library, when a loud bang echoed through the space. In one swift move, she had her wand drawn and leveled on a poor third year who had dropped his book. Hermione's heart felt like it was going to burst from her chest as the boy cringed away from her.

"Sorry." She breathed out before turning and bolting out the front door.

She didn't know where she was going, she couldn't stop the images that were flooding her mind, couldn't stop seeing their faces, hearing the screams. Finally it all became too much and she fell to her knees, finding herself beside The Black Lake. She cradled her head in her hands as the air rushed from her lungs. She wanted to scream but knew she couldn't. She couldn't let all that come back because if she did it would eat her alive.

"Are you ok?" A soft voice broke the still air and her head whipped up.

Draco Malfoy stood before her, hands shoved in the pockets of his black pants, half his blonde hair hidden by the hood of his robe. His face was expressionless as he watched her and for a moment it occurred to her that she should be embarrassed. Instead she took a shaky breath and turned to look out across the water.

"No." She murmured, not knowing why she told him the truth but knowing he would see right through a lie. "I don't think I am."

He fell beside her, knees bent up and arms resting over them. He heaved out a sigh, his breath floating in the air for a moment before disappearing. She watched him from the corner of her eye, waiting. Waiting for the insults, for the teasing, for him to call her a mudblood, for him to act like Malfoy. He had ignored them this whole week, she didn't think she had actually seen him speak to anyone, and now he was sitting beside her, staring across the lake.

"What are you doing?" She asked him as he continued to ignore her, secretly hoping to get a rise out of him and he would act like he used to.

"I came out here for a reason. I'm not going to let the Gryffindor princess's breakdown prevent me from the only part of my day I can tolerate." He told her blandly, his eyes never leaving the water.

She just breathed out a soft 'oh' as she followed his gaze. The sound of the water seemed to ease her pounding heart, and for once her mind quieted. She allowed her mind to drown in the soft waves of the lake, finding the softness of it all nice instead of unnerving like she usually did when things were too quiet. It was supposed to be quiet here, the sound of the water was supposed to be soft, the air was meant to be still. The wind brushed over her and the trees rustled gently behind her. The sound of something metallic drew her attention back to Malfoy, only to find him unscrewing a flask. He took a quick draw from it before silently offering it to her. She eyed it until his head turned and looked at her.

"It's not poison." He muttered, his gray eyes cold.

She took the flask and tilted a small amount into her mouth. Fire whiskey burned down her throat and she tried to fight the cough that it brought on. She took a shaky breath before taking another swig, then passed it back to him. She could feel it burning through her, warming her blood and fighting the chill that the wind brought. She had never drank much, never liked the idea of her inhibitions being lowered, but she had to admit that she enjoyed the way it seemed to dull her thoughts and warm her body, almost like touching fire.

Hermione wasn't sure how long they sat there, in silence, passing the flask back and forth. Regardless before she was ready for it, the stillness around them was broken as a figure crested the hill beside them.

"Draco." Nott called out and Malfoys eyes snapped to him. "It's almost 10."

Malfoy nodded and stood, brushing his pants off and taking a few steps forward. He paused before looking back at her. His eyebrows twitched up as the corner of his mouth flexed for a moment.

"You coming?" He asked.

Hermione stood and followed the two Death Eaters back into the castle. No words were spoken as they parted ways in The Entrance Hall and Hermione idly wondered if Nott would question Malfoy about finding them together. Would Nott care, given who she was and who they were? Did Malfoy care that he had been caught with her? Not caught, they weren't really doing anything, but that he had been seen being civil to her? Was he back in the Slytherin Common room at this very moment telling them all about how she had been on the edge of a breakdown? Was he scrubbing his flask to get rid of her dirty germs? Did he even care about that anymore?

The portrait swung open for her after she gave the password and she was suddenly struck by the Gryffindor Common for the first time in years. Peering into it now she saw how warm and inviting it was, a fire lighting the room, enhancing the gold and red décor. The laughter that leaked out and surrounded her as the portrait swung shut behind her should have comforted her but instead it made her feel cold. Parvati sat with a group of girls around the fire and Hermione rushed past so they wouldn't invite her. She didn't feel like putting the mask on tonight. She smiled at Ginny, who was in their dorm changing into her pajamas before falling into her bed and closing her curtains.