Stillness

Chapter 26

A new year began with January and classes resumed. A healer from Mungos began coming up once a week to see Draco and Hermione could see him fight the urge to just shut down. Some days he barely spoke, others all you could get from him was snark. Hermione tried to treat him as normally as possible, knowing he would hate it if she didn't. After his second session with the healer, Draco disappeared. Hermione tried not to panic, as they searched the castle for him. It was Blaise and Harry who found him, standing on top of The Astronomy Tower, staring off the side to the ground. Draco and Harry sat up there for over an hour before coming inside. The next day as Hermione was walking into breakfast, Draco grabbed her arm and pulled her down to the dungeons, locking the door to the 7th year boys dorm behind them.

Draco trapped her against the wall, his body pressed flush against hers as he pulled her leg up to hitch around his waist. His mouth was frantic as it strayed from her lips, along her jaw, down her neck. His hand bunched her shirt up at her waist as the other tangled in her hair. He had yet to actually speak a word to her.

"Draco." Hermione tried to get his attention but his name came out as more of a sigh.

Draco slid his fingertips just inside the waistband of her pants. His hips pushed into her, making her gasp as she felt his hard length.

"Draco." She said more firmly.

He pushed away from her, running his hand through his hair and licking his lips. He sighed as he looked up at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" She asked him.

"I don't want to talk about it." He snapped.

"So you want to, what?" She asked, unsure what he had expected from her.

"I want to forget!" He yelled and she was startled to see tears well up in his eyes. "I just want to fucking forget it all. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to fucking analyze it. I don't want that batshit healer telling me what I was fucking thinking and feeling when I did things! Repressed memories? I don't have repressed memories. I wasn't fucking abused, my parents fucking loved me. I wasn't forced to take the fucking mark. I fucking chose to and nothing that bitch says is going to change it."

"They're not trying to change it, Draco." Hermione said softly. "They're just trying to help you realize why you made that choice."

Draco stared at her, the entire war pouring into her from his face, before he closed his eyes. After a couple deep breaths he sat on his bed and shook his head.

"I'm sick of talking about it." He mumbled, defeated.

"Then we won't talk about it." Hermione said as she pushed herself onto his lap, straddling his waist.

Draco looked up at her, his breathing deepening. After the last couple weeks, it occurred to Hermione that the times that Draco had pushed himself on her he had probably been trying to distract himself. She rocked her hips against his making his breath catch. He wrapped his arm around her back and swung them so he was pressing her into the bed. His lips found hers as he pushed her shirt up. Her own hands found the bottom of his shirt and he pushed himself up and pulled it off, tossing it across the room. He undid her pants before he leaned back over her, his lips finding her neck as his hand slid below her waist between them.

Hermione's head fell back as Draco's fingers found her. The now familiar heat pooled against his hand and she gasped when he pulled her bra down and wrapped his lips around her nipple. Hermione's hands wandered down his chest, memorizing every bump and dip, until she was undoing his pants as well. Draco was too caught up in her body to notice until she pushed them down. He looked up at her, eyes dark, hot breath brushing against her damp nipple as he tried to catch his breath. As their eyes watched each other, each gaging the others' reaction, Hermione pushed his boxers down so his erection was exposed.

"Hermione." Draco murmured as her hand found him.

His fingers had stalled against her but as her fingers ran along his length he pushed one of his own into her. Draco swallowed hard when Hermione wrapped her hand around him and his eyes fluttered shut as she slowly moved her hand. His finger matched her pace as she stroked him and he let out a low groan. She knew he was thinking about the day she would let him fully take her and when his eyes opened she could see it burning in them. His hips jerked into her hand and she sped her movements. His mouth found her breast again and she moaned pushing her hips down against his hand harder. Her hand worked faster, Draco's moans making her stomach erupt in butterflies. His hand slid along her neck, pushing her head up so he could look down at her face. His hips jerked into her hand as he grabbed her hair, tugging it and making Hermione grind her hips against his hand.

"Fuck, Hermione." He moaned out before crashing his lips onto hers.

She felt him go ridged against her, heat pooling on her stomach as he came. After a couple deep breaths Draco pushed off her, grabbing his shirt and swiping her stomach before he yanked her pants down. Hermione let out a small shriek as he pulled her to the edge of the bed before spreading her legs. As he pressed his mouth against her, Hermione couldn't help but think he may have been right about being psychic. He had said he wanted to rip her pants off and bury his face in her while under the Veritaserum.

Once Draco had returned the favor, they laid in his bed in an easy silence. Hermione's head rested against his bare chest, Draco twirling one of her curls around his finger. She pulled his left arm over to her and feathered her fingertips over the uneven skin. He didn't say anything and he didn't pull away as she traced out his dark mark, her finger bumping over the angry line he had carved through it. By the time Theo and Blaise were knocking at the door, Hermione was sure she had memorized every line on his arm.

January blended into February and Draco laughed again. Hermione felt like marking the day on her calendar as she met Pansy's eyes across the lunch table. She couldn't even remember what Theo had said but Draco actually laughed. There had been a few laughs before that day but this was a real full laugh, his eyes lighting up and his whole face softening with his smile. Pansy was right, the world was a better place when Draco was happy.

One morning a week later, Draco was eating breakfast with them when the owl post swooped in. Andromeda's familiar owl dropped two envelopes in front of Harry. After glancing at the envelopes Harry's eyes found Draco's.

"She responded?" Draco breathed out, snatching the letter Harry held out to him.

Draco unfolded it and she watched his eyes scan the page. Hermione glanced at Harry, not knowing Draco had contacted his estranged aunt. When she looked back, Draco was staring at the letter, chewing his bottom lip. His eyebrows furrowed as he scanned the words again. Hermione shifted over to see what had seemed to hypnotize him, seeing that it only held four words.

'It was worth it.'

"This is your cousin." Harry said, holding up a picture of Teddy Lupin and snapping Draco out of his daze.

Draco watched the little boy take a couple shaky steps before falling and the picture looping again.

"Why is his hair blue?" Draco asked.

"His mother always favored that color too." Ginny said.

Draco nodded, watching the picture again, a grin spreading across his lips. He carefully folded the letter and tucked it into his bag as they gathered their stuff up to head to class. Hermione stood and watched him for a moment before summing the nerve to ask him.

"What was worth it?"

Draco stood, his eyes running over her face quickly before he smiled.

"Being a disgrace." He said, throwing his arm across her shoulders.