Stillness

Chapter 20

Hermione had finally lost that feeling that everything was going to be ripped out from under her when, with a simple letter, everything crashed down. It was a week before Christmas and Hermione had just sat down to breakfast, the owl post swooping in above her. Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione saw Draco rush from the hall. She looked to see Pansy and Theo exchanging confused looks before Draco's voice echoed through the hall.

"Fuck!" He roared out and Hermione, Pansy, Theo, and Blaise all jumped up and rushed to the doors as the entire hall fell silent.

Hermione cleared them first, finding Draco on his knees in the Entrance Hall, clutching a letter. She fell to her knees beside him and he flinched when she rested her hand on his arm.

"He's dead." He mumbled, handing her the letter. "The bastard can actually die."

Hermione skimmed the letter just enough to see it was an official correspondence from Azkaban Prison announcing the death of Lucius Malfoy the night before. She handed it over to Theo before reaching out to cup Draco's face. He flinched away from her then ran his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I think I'm going to be sick."

He jumped up and pushed between Theo and Blaise into the bathroom. Hermione stared after him. She had handled Draco Malfoy in a lot of different moods. Drunk, happy, angry, self-loathing, volatile, but had no idea what to do in his grief. She looked to Pansy as the other girl sank down beside her.

"He's not going to want you to touch him." Pansy said, quietly. "But you have to. He will spiral. Right now, he just needs to be reminded that he has people beside him."

"Should I be worried?" Came McGonagall's voice, having followed them out of the hall.

"Professor?" Blaise asked, not understanding.

"We all know Mr. Malfoy had a complicated relationship with his father. Should I inform anyone? Is he a danger to anyone, even himself, right now?" McGonagall asked.

"No." Theo said firmly.

"In any case, I think it's wise if one of you gets his wand away from him until he's had time to process. For his sake as much as ours." She said and as if on queue, a loud bang echoed from the bathroom.

Hermione stood, Blaise catching her arm. She looked back at him and shook her head.

"I'll hex you if you don't let me go in there." She told him and he let her go.

Hermione pushed the door open just as another sink blew up. She flinched away from the rubble, slowly approaching Draco. His lip curled as he dropped his wand to his side and watched her. His eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed as he stared at her. She took a couple hesitant steps toward him but he backed away, shaking his head.

"Draco, it's ok. You have people that can help you through this, let me help." She said softly.

"No. No, Granger. You don't even know what this means. What I've done." He said, with a humorless laugh.

"I know everything you've done." Hermione told him. "I know you."

"No, Hermione!" Draco yelled. "You don't know me. You only know the parts I let you know. You don't know that I never stopped looking up to that man. You don't know everything he's actually done."

"Draco, it's ok."

"No it's not!" He yelled and Hermione could feel the tension in the air grow tight. Dracos emotions were taking control of his magic. "He did all of it for my mother. Yeah, he believed in it but he wouldn't have held half the amount of power he did if it wasn't for her. She was supposed to take the mark, her family expected her to, but they had just found out she was pregnant and he refused to allow it. He didn't want her to be like Bella, cold and unfeeling and this way she had plausible deniability, just in case. So she would be safe to raise me if something happened to him. He didn't want the Blacks near me, didn't want me to be like them. Gods, I was so fucking awful to him."

Draco squeezed his eyes shut and a burst of magic rolled off him, pushing Hermione toward the door and causing her to fall. His eyes snapped to her, concern and sorrow filling them before it all suddenly drained out, a blank slate taking its place.

"You have no idea who I really am, Granger." He said softly.

"Draco." Hermione tried again, pushing herself up off the floor.

"No! He was right. You've done nothing but make me weak. He was right, this has been nothing but a fucking disaster. He was fucking right."

"Right about what?"

"That you would never understand! Your type would never understand. The Malfoy name will always mean something and we cannot tarnish it." Draco yelled, methodically repeating the words his father had told him over and over growing up. "We cannot taint the blood line because you will never understand the responsibility placed on the 28. This is all my fault." Draco crumpled, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"It's not, Draco."

"It is. I told him about you. I wrote to him and I told him about you and now he's dead. He told me I was ruining it, I was a disgrace!" Draco took a deep breath. Hermione reached out for him but he flinched away from her. "Don't touch me you fucking mudblood."

Hermione flinched back, for the first time scared that he might actually hurt her. The rage and hurt burning in his eyes broke her heart and terrified her at the same time. She wasn't even sure he was fully seeing her, but she was seeing him again, the same foul little boy who had spat that word at her in the quidditch pitch glared up at her now.

"Draco." Theo's voice echoed around the room.

"I told you the bloodline was cursed." Draco growled out. "I killed him, because of you."

A soft hand wrapped around Hermione's wrist and Pansy pulled her away from Draco.

"I fucking hate you." Draco spat out as Pansy pushed her toward the door.

"Draco, that's not going to bring him back." Theo said softly, kneeling beside his friend.

"Never look at me again, you dirty little mudblood!" Draco yelled, pushing himself up, Theo trying to grab his robes. "You should have tried harder, maybe then I might have actually liked you. As it was though, I barely had to do anything. You were that desperate for someone to see you."

"Hermione, he doesn't mean it." Pansy said as Theo caught Draco by the arms.

"Shut the fuck up, Parkinson." Draco spit out, his cold eyes looking into Hermione's. "It wasn't even that hard to get you to fall for me and let me just say you've done wonders for my image."

Hermione turned and pushed her way out of the room.

"He doesn't mean it." Pansy repeated. "He just.."

"Just leave me alone." Hermione snapped, running from the Entrance Hall.