Control lili

my story

Cold water just thrown to me in this winter. I know I don't make sense but it's true. I think cold water maybe fine but this pain that she caused me is more heartbreaking and threatening than the cold water.

I thought I could be just fine standing here seeing you with the man of your dream kissing you but no I blamed every action of mine foolish and stupid.

If I could any better than that the third character of the movie from love story with heart broken tragic person in the room then it would be me.

My girl the one I fall in love for my exist life is right there kissing and snuggling to her Prince charm right infront of me.

Thinking out loud it is me the pathetic me. I let her stab my heart again and again. I let her bleed my her like this.

Those feline eyes and her gummy smile. That made my heart skipped a bit is the only reason my heart is permanently destroyed.

Those soft hands when she wraps around my neck whenever she wasn't sleepy at night just give me the hope yup one day this kitten will belongs to me.

But it was your beautiful face who tooks my sanity and kindness from me.

"Lili please help me I am in relationship with kai.
We cannot get caught.
Please!!!
Act like my girlfriend infront of blinks and our fan.

And help me please!!!"

She cried in my arms begging to help her. Like a stupid lover I agreed. She broke the hug and do the happy dance right infront of me.

I was being idiot in love thought my nini is happy so I am happy.Same day when I was taking care of her with my everything is the same day she was being his girlfriend.

It punched my bleeding heart but like a lovesick I was smiling and being held by those gummy smile.

Again it saddened me that she met him two months ago. He was not with him for whole two months but why did she chooses him?

Why?
is it because I was all in her side whenever she was hurt?
Is it because I never mind her insults and follow her like her dog?

Is it because I was so annoyingly with her all the time to take care of her?

Why it can't be me instead of her?

Why? Why?

Oncam she will being the girlfriend of mine acting like cute puppy, getting jealous whenever somebody shows interest on me but offcam she would let my hands throws away and snuggle to him.

To kai like a kid. I would looked at them with sad smile and he would bows his head giving the sign that he was thankful that I supported them.

I would let them be there and roamed around the Seoul city by my own. I would without care freely walked to the roads and went to restaurant and tried every food they served.

Gosh even those local people get used to my existence.

January 1, 2018 was the date when dispatch caught jenkai. That day she came to me and slapped me hard.

Shouting and blaming
"If you did not go to bam's party we will never gonna get caught.

You did this to us.
Because of you I'll never meet him
Again.

I hate you."

She hit my chest crying and hurting. Hugging her knees she blamed everything on me.

I was standing there lifeless. I tried to hugged her tried to show no I am not gonna leave you but she slammed my arms and locked her door.

I knocked whole night begging her to open the door.
But she never opened it.

Rośe and jisoo came back in the morning from their shoot. And got to know jenkai drama.

They asked Jennie about it.Jennie told that she wanted to feel loved and wanted someone to make her feel she was wanted which totally broke me.

I was for the first time cried whole night in the hotel room because I can't let them know how much hurt I am. I felt like a failed kid who just can't make their parents happy.

I was all over with her and I make sure she was loved and always compliment her telling how much wanted she was but it wasn't enough right?

It wasn't enough that's why she have to looking for kai right?

Two days I cried but I decide to let go of this pathetic feelings.yg asked us in the office,asking us whether we wanted to be idol or not,I could feel the pressure in his eyes.

He fucking asked Jennie what she wants without any waste she choose kai but kai replied he wants exo.

They broke up. But I can still feel pain when she chooses kai the person who she met three months ago than us the people who were all over with her in her whole life.

After that we never talked about that anymore. 2020 Christmas was my favourite time of my life that day Jennie drunkenly kissed me and told me how much I meant to her.

I was again in cloud nine hoping yes I can have Jennie Kim but here February 27 she came with gd oppa as her new lover and broke me apart.