Control lili

my confession

"Hi lisa,how are you doing?"

Mingyu her therapist asked Lisa sweetly.

Lisa sighed and huffed but replied

"Umm not good at all.
Everything is getting worse."

Mingyu just chucked and replied

" Lisa today I want to hear your confession for Jennie."

Lisa become quite and speak

"You're joking right??"

But mingyu just shows his poker face and nothing spoke.

"There is no jennie in here."

Lisa continued.

"I'll arranged that just turned around and speak whAtever you want Jennie to said."

Lisa was doubting but turned around and started her words

"When I heard the news that you are dating another man I was shocked but the sound was so loud that I was bound to believe them. One day, gathering all my strength I walked up to you and I asked that is it true? You were happy for the news, for the man you were dating, for the newly found love and your life. I too was happy for you and the only thing that made me upset was, the person you were dating was not me and the pain this sad news gave me could not be healed from the happiness of your news.

I developed a strong bond with depression and loneliness, cursing myself why on earth did I love you, promising myself that I won’t ever let myself love anyone,threatening myself to not watch those unfaithful and false movies……they don’t match the real life.

We were never seen together after that like before. I had my loneliness and you had your Man. Then you had a breakup and this was the best thing, the best news for me.

I could not stop myself to talk to you, to soothe you, to be with you because I didn’t hate you as much as I loved you……..love? Yes the same love was coming back again………coming back again? No it was always there; the only difference was, this time it brought happiness just like before.

You were devastated. You were very happy to find me when you needed me the most. You were sorry for ignoring me for the Guy and your newly found love.

We were together again and one day my dream came true and we were together……no, not like friends but like lovers which I assumed after you kissed me. You would write poems for me, for the love and for thanking me.

Gradually the shade of love started getting fainter and fainter. We were never in relationship, i still loved you but now it was very different. I could not identify this LOVE.

Love was dying and I was trying to save it, to bring it back to life but I was trying individually………not together. Your words turned to be lifeless and you started constructing a new home of your own dreams. When you would talk you would say, “I will be famous…..I will marry rich…….One day you will watch me at the top…….” but where was I in your dreams? I was searching for us in your world but I found only you. You were my world but you would not let me in in your world.

One day you came to me and told me to go away from your life. Why? You never told me and now I don’t even ask you.
I cried and I pleaded to not to do this but you broke my heart…….you smashed it!even I know we weren't lovers.it hurts and the reason was same you find your rich man again.

I was again in depression and then I confined myself in my room. I would not move around, I would not meet anyone but I would be alone.

But  looking at the slow moving ceiling fan, the walls of my room, my diary, my favorite novels I heard something my close friend's advice . I heard that these all things were questioning me. Why am I doing this to myself? Don’t I have any identity?

And I suddenly remembered that I have people in my life who love me more than I have loved you, who would not break my heart like you broke mine.

Now I have to move on. But it has been so long that I am not able to identify myself. For all these years I have only loved you and I have always been thinking of you. Now it’s difficult for me to gain myself back. But it feels good to have myself back, to have my share of life. There is a vacant place now, a hole in my heart but I know time will fill that place and my heart too knows that this place has been reserved for the person who deserves it.

I feel free today. Looking back I see some moments which I have spent with you. Those moments have pain, happiness, joy, tears and smiles. Those moments have some pages of my poetic love letters. I have not burnt them, I have not buried them but today I have let them fly……..fly away from me and I have break the walls of my life which was constructed on your dreams which were never meant to be mine. Today I am free and I have gained myself and my soul. I have to learned to move on.

I am doing pretty good at it any way.seeing you with gd oppa doesnot pained me anymore.

When you said I was nothing to you it hurt me but not much now.my feelings for you is fading steadily.if I keep going like this I know I'll be amazing as before.

You can't pained me again.And I won't let you be obstacles for my dreams anymore.I was prioritizing you way more but I'll be prioritised my dreams now.

That night when you forcefully kissed me was the same day I let myself control whatever feelings I have for you.I never killed any things before but that day I killed every little piece of feelings for you.

I know I meant a little to you.And I hope we 've to sort our difference for blackpink.I will be back to you as friend Jennie just give me the space I want."

Lisa was feeling peaceful after sharing her confession to someone.

Mingyu in the other hand was nearly crying but he swiped his tears away and speaks

"I am so proud of you.
You're doing great lisa!!!"

Lisa just chuckled and went back to the dorm.

But She feels lot lighter this day.Maybe jungkook was not wrong at all about going to therapy.