It was nearly two in the morning when chaeyoung heard it. She could never forget the terrible sound of lisa crying. Lisa wasn't loudly sobbing, but chaeyoung could tell she wasn't just sniffling into her blankets. She climbed out of her bunk and hesitantly peeked into lisa's. Her back was facing her. She didn't even notice the other woman until chaeyoung gently touched her.
Lisa didn't turn around. Her breath hitched and she got tense. "Pokpak, it's me," chaeyoung whispered before feeling lisa relax under her fingertips. The tour had just started. She had thought lisa just got homesick.
"Can I come in?" Lisa nodded, still not looking at her friend, and chaeng climbed into the bunk and immediately held the younger woman.
"What's wrong, lisa? Are you homesick?"
Lisa shook her head and sniffled a bit, already feeling a bit better. They laid there in silence for a few minutes, chaeng brushing her thumb over lisa's upper arm. Lisa finally turned around to face her and chaeng wiped her tears away as she snuggled into her arms. She took a shaky breath before admitting,
"everyone left me because-" she cut herself off and shut her mouth. She knew she could trust her best friend but she worried.
"Lili, you can tell me," chaeng said reassuringly after a while. Lisa took another deep, shaky breath.
"I'm bi. He left me because I'm bi."
Tears started forming in her eyes again and they fell down her cheek.
"Oh my god. Lis, I'm so sorry he did that. Anyone would be so lucky to have you regardless of who you are or what your sexuality is, baby. You don't deserve people like that. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone who's patient, and accepting, and loving, and everything and anything else you need."
Lisa sobbed into the woman's shoulder. She had never felt more appreciated.
"Thank you, Rosie," she sniffed. Chaeng kissed the top of her head.
"Anything."
******************
Lisa was straddling jungkook and kissing him gently. Jungkook moved his hands from her girlfriend's thighs and gently traced his fingernails under lisa's shirt.
She gasped and separated herself from jungkook for a moment before she grabbed his face and went back to intensely kissing him.
Jungkook was so gentle with his hands as he moved them out and tugged on the hem of lisa's shirt.
"Can I take this off?"
Jungkook asked looking up at the shy woman. Lisa, with her eyes barely open and staring at jungkook's lips she nodded.
Jungkook slipped it off and lisa sniffled when it was fully removed. Jungkook hesitated and studied her face. Neither of them moved until a small tear hit lisa's cheek.
"Baby, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
Jungkook's voice was thick with concern as he very carefully took the other woman's hands in his and caressed them.
"Lis?" Jungkook tried again before he came back from wherever he was and shook his head.
She wiped her tears and sniffled one more time.
"No one treats me like you do. I don't deserve to be treated this nice,"
Lisa choked out relaxing into the man's lap.
"Lisa, baby girl, look at me."
Jungkook lifted her head with his index finger.
"You deserve the world. Don't let anyone make you feel different. You deserve someone that will be careful with you and take things as slow as you want. You matter to me and I care about you so much and I'm not gonna mess that up."
Lisa gently sobbed at jungkook's words and sunk into his body.
Jungkook wrapped his arms around her and scratched her back until lisa relaxed more and laid down on the bed next to him.
"I love you."
******************
"Lis?" Jinny choked out approaching her girlfriend nervously.
Lisa hummed to acknowledge jinny was speaking.
"I need to tell you something."
Lisa's interest was piqued as she made her way out of the kitchen and onto the couch next to jinny.
Her eyes were filled with fear and anticipation. The past few days had been filled with deep conversations and debates about this other girl interested in jinny, and it just so happened that jinny liked her too.
Jinny didn't look at lisa. She didn't want to watch her get hurt. She didn't want to watch her heart shatter into a million pieces knowing it was because of her.
She never wanted that. Tears already started rolling down lisa's face before jinny spoke another word.
"Please don't do that. Please,"
Jinny begged lisa to stop crying. It was so hard. Lisa sobbed into her hands.
Jinny didn't know what to do. She felt awkward. Does she hold her? Does she continue? Or does she just go? Lisa sniffled and got herself together long enough to reply,
"I know you pick her. She's clearly better for you."
It hit jinny harder than it should have. She felt like a terrible person.
"I'm sorry, lis," jinny almost whispered her voice was so hoarse.
"It's fine, jinnie. Just go it's fine."
Jinny felt wrong leaving as lisa let out more sobs alone. At least she was spared the sight of jinny stepping out of the front door and probably never coming back through it.
**********************
Diary of Chaeyoung
2018/April/03
I love you
I love you so much
You're my everything
And now you're gone and I can't barely get up in the morning without you next to me
I know you want her more but she doesn't love you lili
She doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve her
You're so perfect inside and out and she's not even taking the time to really understand and actually care about you
I'm sorry but she's really not
You know I will and you know I have
Everyone I know is just telling me to block you and never talk again but I can't
Kind of a dick move tbh
It doesn't hurt me so much that you left anymore
It hurts me that you didn't even do better than me
Bc ik I suck
I'm lowest quality
But at least I'd do anything for you
She won't
And then you act like nothing happened when we talk
It's so hard for me to just watch you slip away into the arms of someone that's going to endlessly hurt you knowing I did nothing to stop it
I hate myself every day legitimately
What's the point anymore? I really have nothing without you
But baby Jennie will always hurt you
I can't strong enough to be watch you're dying watch her to kiss another man
Please baby comeback to Korea again
*********************
YOU ARE READING
Control lili
Fanfiction"Baby why are you doing this to me? why are you hurting this much please speak." "No, we're not doing this anymore unnie." If you wanna know about the story please read kindly.
