Control lili

I am high

“Tell me what you’re thinking about.” lisa grins at him and jackson swallows he laughs instead of saying what he really means. I love you, I always have.

He laughs more pointing to the ceiling, grinning and lisa lies down next to him. He can feel her warmth, how she always made him feel; how he feels when he thinks about her.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He laughs more, grinning at her and how her voice sounds. I love you, I always have. It sticks in the back of his throat.

“Do you think there’s a way to describe infinity. Like why do we have this word for this concept that we don’t even have the ability to fathom about… like its basically an abstract concept.” jackson is surprised how whiny he sounds.

“Love.” lisa answers. Jackson sighs listening to her explain how calm and assured she sounds.

“How do you feel?” She asks. Jackson wishes he could live in this moment forever. I love you, I always have.

“I feel peaceful” jackson answers lisa’s declaration of her fearlessness; he is not fearless, he cannot tell her the truth. I love you, I always have.

“These feelings have to be inside of us, they have to have been for it to come to the surface. Maybe it’s been buried in layers of ourselves. The things we’re too scared to say. That’s what drugs are for, to bring that out of us.” jackson wants to kiss her, he wants to pull her to him but he doesn’t he just nods, then laughs when he realises lisa can’t actually see him nodding.

“Maybe.” He hums and she smiles.

“Seeing the future and not being able to do anything about it is just anxiety.” He speaks up after she’d questioned him about future vision, he wonders what superpower he would have but keeps that question for a later date.

“I believe in destiny..” He answers and she furrows her brow.

“That’s the same thing right?” jackson laughs, shaking his head.

“If it was the same thing it would be the same word.”

“Well love and infinity are different!” She argues back and they both sit up, leaning into each other’s space.

“Love is how you describe infinity, how you measure it! Not the same at all.” He smirks a little triumphant in his reasoning. She’s smiling, laughing at him and he sighs, relaxing as she leans into him, both of them relaxing at the casual touch.

”I love you.” His voice is soft, he’s so tired now, lisa is too. They’ve both been so tired of everything. She blinks at him, he counts the number of times, he gets to five before she lets out a soft sigh.

“Oh.” Blink, blink. I love you, I always have. Blink.

“I always have.” He breathes out as she breathes in. Blink.

“I love you too jackson.”

“Oh.” It’s his turn to blink now, she smiles, ha can tell she’s enjoying the still there buzz of the drugs in their system. He knows he is. He wonders if maybe he’s now feeling fearless, having confessed to lalisa Manoban.

“What else.” She’s leaning forward grinning at him and he fights a yawn off.

“What do you mean what else?”

“You know… what else is going on in your head.”

“That I want to kiss you. That, I just, I want to spend as much time as possible with you.”
“Oh jackson…” He can hear the sadness in her voice, he can hear it in his too.

“I know.. I should just-” He can feel the wind brushing by his face as lisa leans in towards him.

“You’re just off on your timing, it’s infinity. It will always exist, just not the way you want.”

“But I…” lisa just smiles at him when he tries to argue against her. He nods sadly and can feel reality sinking into him as the high starts to pull away.

"One day I'll hold you in my arms but I won't be high on drugs that day.you'll be high on my love lisa.
Just waiting for you to move on from her,lisa."

"Wake up!!!!
Jackson !?
Hey are you high again ???
Wake up!!!
It's not good for you please stop using this stupid shits."

His assistant just nagged him again.But he just drunk in drugs reply

"If drugs is only way to confess her and be with her I'll never stop getting high,sasha."

And started to laugh.