Three's a crowd

70

Best friends, the people you turn to when everything is wrong, the ones who have your back no matter what. Ava was that person for me, or at least I thought she was.

"Oh, okay." Was all she said as I got in the car and she turned around heading back to my house.

She was breathing heavily as we got closer to the house and that sinking feeling in my stomach hit again, something was wrong.

That thought was validated when we pulled back up and both Brett and Riley's vehicles were gone.

"Ava what's going on?" I turned to her.

"Britt I..." her face said more than her words could.

"What? Where are they? This isn't funny." I started to panic.

"Britt, I'm sor— " she began as I began to piece it all together.

"No. No,no,no..." I didn't wait before I got out of the car and ran to the door fumbling with my keys.

"Britt wait!"

"How could you? How could you do this to me Ava?" Tears were starting to blur my vision as I finally got the key in the door.

"Britt?"

"No!" I yelled frustrated. "You're supposed to be my best friend but clearly I was wrong. My best friend would never lie to me like this. Clearly I'm on my own from now on!" I choked out before I walked inside and slammed the door, locking it before sinking down onto the hard floor and letting the pain wash over me.

My body was shaking as tears spilled continuously down my cheeks. I knew it wasn't a good idea but I called him anyway, only digging the knife further into my own chest when the voicemail picked up.

H...h..how could you do this to me? My voice was weak, hurt, cracking at the seams.
you promised me that we would figure this out together, you said you loved me but you didn't even say goodbye.

I couldn't even formulate any words after that as I sobbed into the phone before disconnecting it and hugging my legs. Then I sent him a bunch of texts that didn't make sense, probably due to the blurry vision from all the tears.

I don't even know how long I had sat there until I noticed it was getting dark out. I willed myself to move, until I was finally in my room, crying as I paced back and forward, once again listening to the beginning of Riley's voicemail message.

I really just don't understand any of this? Am I not enough for you anymore? Was this just a game the whole time? Please just call me?

I hung it up again before texting Anna, who also hadn't heard from him since he left their house. I didn't have the energy to explain it to her. The pain was still fresh, still raw, coursing through my veins like shards of glass cutting me on the inside. I was definitely not in the right frame of my mind to explain it to his sister.

It didn't help that Ava was blowing up my phone with texts and calls. I didn't want to speak to her, she had betrayed me in the worst way I could comprehend and I was too heartbroken to listen to her reasons. The only person I wanted to talk to was the source of all the pain and coincidentally the only person in my life that I knew could eradicate it as well.

I laid back on the bed that now seemed so much larger without him in it. It felt like the bed could swallow me whole as I sent out what would be the last message to him - or at least that's what I told myself.

Don't even worry about reading the note, if you don't care enough to tell me goodbye there's no reason for you to care about my health or anything else in my life.

I hit send before putting my phone on silent and setting it face down on the dresser. Then I rolled onto my side slipping my hand under the pillow that was his.

Something scratched my skin as I sat up and turned the lamp on to see what it was. I moved the pillow, wiping my eyes as I pulled a folded piece of paper out.

Britt,

I want to start by saying how sorry I am that I couldn't tell you goodbye. I wanted too, but knowing how important it was to you that I go, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave if I saw you crying. I know it won't seem this way but I really do love you with everything I am, but I don't have it in me to tell you goodbye.
This won't be the end for us, and I hope one day you can forgive me and see that this was the only way I could leave.
I really do love you.

Riley

I couldn't stop the tears the flowed down my face. Not even a letter was enough to undo the pain that he had left me, left without the will to tell me goodbye.

.....

When I woke up the next morning my eyes were still red and puffy from crying most of the night. I needed to get up, to do anything to keep my mind off of him.

I couldn't do it. I didn't have any fight left in me. My body felt like it was going through periods of pain and numbness and I had no clue how to navigate my way through it. It was as if I was in a maze of darkness and I had no idea how to find the exit or where I was at.

Slowly the hours turned into days, turning into weeks. I was ignoring my phone, keeping it turned off to avoid the texts and calls from Ava and Brett. I still hadn't gotten anything from Riley and that only seemed to make the periods when I did turn it on all the more painful.

I ordered in groceries, making sure that I ate even when I didn't want too, texted my parents and brother. I had been hurt by too many people, but the life inside of me was not one of them and the last thing I needed was anyone coming to check on me and seeing me like this.

It was closer to fall now, the summer heat still blistering, but the leaves were beginning to change color as the days slowly began to get shorter. I knew because even though I seldom left my house, the tree in the back yard was no longer green, but a variety or reds, greens and oranges.

Still I was lonely, secluded inside the confinement of my house. The only time I did leave was to go to doctors appointments. The little bean was growing great, at least I was doing that right.

Today was one of those days where I had an appointment and reluctantly had to leave my house. It was nice to leave and see the world, and yet at the same time the anxiety of running into anyone I knew scared the life out of me.

I didn't want to deal with the judgements of being pregnant fresh out of high school, or to explain that Riley was not here and was doing god knows what.

Instead I made sure to fill up my gas once a month, enough to get me to appointments and home with as little human interaction as possible.

Today was a big appointment, my ultrasound. I had missed the first one due to not feeling well, so I was actually excited to go to this appointment. Excited to see the little human growing inside of me, to validate the fact that I could in fact do something correctly.

I stepped into the room, following the petite ladies instructions as she placed the warm jelly on my stomach. Then she pressed down as I watched the screen beside me.

Almost immediately there was the sound of a fast thumping heartbeat. That in its self had my heart stretching in my chest. Then she moved it around and clicked some more buttons before the small image of the little person appeared on the screen. Of course it didn't look like much of a person, more like an outline of a tiny person inside a sac.

"Everything looks good" she smiled before printing some pictures for me to take home and leaving me to get myself situated.

I made my appointment for a twenty week scan and left the building with the smallest hint of happiness that hadn't been there before. My own bubble of solitude.

I put the picture in my purse as I turned off the car. I didn't really pay attention as I climbed out of my car and walked up to the door, realizing with a jump that someone was sitting in front of my door.

"Kyle?"