Our Little Secret - Harry Lewis, Wroetoshaw

Chapter 22

September 2020 

The wind whipped harshly against Olivias ears and she pulled her hood tighter around her to block off the cold. Luna pulled at her lead to get to Herb and Oscar who were further ahead with Rosie and Harry. 

"Give me a minute lady" Olivia scolded, zipping up her jacket.

It was colder than expected on the beach and Olivia regretted not bringing her hat. Harry and Rosie stopped further ahead to wait for Olivia and Luna. 

"Move it" Harry yelled 

"It's fucking freezing" Olivia shouted back

"Don't swear in front of the children!" Harry gasped pointing to the dogs 

She unhooked Luna's lead and let her go play with the other dogs while she sat down on a rock beside the siblings. The dogs chased each other through the sand and chewed on discarded sticks that lay around at their feet. The clouds seemed to darken, hinting that it would begin to rain soon. 

"How's uni going Rosie?" Olivia asked 

"Yeah, good thanks! I always forget you went to Manchester too. You must be excited for your book to get released" 

"More nervous than anything, to be honest, I keep reading it back and hating it" 

"What's it about?" 

"She based it on me" Harry said 

"I did not! It's about a girl who initially befriends a boy to find out his secrets but ends up falling in love with him. You had no secrets, you were just quiet" 

"I wish he was quiet in the house" Rosie scoffed recalling the number of times Harry had been in trouble for yelling and throwing things at his walls when they were growing up

"Shut your mouth" Harry said pointing a  finger in Rosie's direction "I will throw you into the water" he warned before standing up and going to play with the dogs 

"I was just thinking about this a few days ago Liv. Remember when you came to the house and sat with us in the living room. I think we spoke about One Direction? How come you and Harry said you weren't together then?" 

Olivia looked at Harry playing with the dogs and screwed up her face slightly.

"I do remember that yeah and I don't know, we just wanted to keep things simple I think. But it made it quite the opposite, your brother isn't the best at talking about things and neither am I. I think I made things quite hard for him if I'm being honest, I always blamed him but I know it was partly my fault too" she said

"We used to always ask about you, me and mum. Wanted to know when you were coming round and stuff" 

"Looking back now I do wish we would've just said from the beginning we wanted to be together. Would've saved a lot of drama" Olivia stated

"Where's the fun in that?" Rosie ribbed, poking an elbow into Olivia's ribs "And by the way. We all knew you used to come round on Thursdays, I found one of your bras in the washing and we knew Harry wasn't fit enough to be playing football every week" 

Olivia covered her face with her hands and squealed "Oh god I'm never going to be able to look your mum and dad in the eyes again" 

Harry returned to the two girls holding Herb in his arms like a small child "Want to head home?" 

The girls nodded and went to get the other two dogs and headed home. When they returned back to the Lewis family home they were met with warmth and the smell of home baking. Tricia sat at the kitchen table with Olivia's mother Jean having a coffee. 

"There's my girl" Jean cooed "And look Olivia's with her too" 

"Thanks, mum. Love you too" 

"Stroppy little git isn't she?" Jean laughed picking up Luna from the floor "I'll finish this coffee then could you take me home love?"

Olivia nodded and sat down beside her mother, stroking Luna's golden fur. Soon after the cup was drained Olivia said her goodbyes to Harry's family and gave Harry a kiss.

"Are you staying at the flat tonight?" he asked

"Maybe. I'll let you know, might end up staying at mine" she yawned

Harry pouted 

"You'll survive" she teased

"If I die tonight this is all your fault" he laughed

"Yeah yeah, bye Harold" she waved

In the car ride to Olivias, her mother caught up with her daughter she had not seen in quite some time. They chatted about her book and how proud she was of her daughter, Olivia couldn't help but smile widely at her mother's words, feeling an immense wave of gratification wash over her. When they got to the topic of Olivias mental wellbeing she could not but feel extremely grateful she was pulling up to the house. 

"Are you still on the medication?" Jean asked

"Yeah" Olivia replied bluntly 

"How do you feel?" 

"Fine"

"Just fine?" 

"The panic attacks aren't that bad anymore" Olivia elaborated

"But you still get them?"

"Sometimes yeah"

"How is Harry with them?"

"He's fine" 

"Just fine?" her mother repeated

"I don't get what you mean mum" Olivia said unbuckling her seatbelt 

"He seems to be really busy, just want to  make sure he's there for you" Jean addressed 

Olivia huffed "He is. I don't need to rely on him, I'm not a damsel in distress, I can look after myself" 

"I didn't say you were" Jean murmured as she got out of the car

Olivia sat down on the opposite couch from her dad who looked from over his laptop 

"Mum nagging again" he asked

"You have no idea" she groaned

"Jamie and Lauren are coming for dinner so get yourself in a better mood" he instructed

Olivia headed upstairs to shower. This was a habit Olivia had gotten into from a very young age, if she began to feel overwhelmed or frustrated she would take a shower, it was almost as though the water rinsed off the negative feelings around her and took them down the drain. As she got older Olivia noticed herself going for around 3/4 showers a day, much to her father's dismay as the gas bill was extremely high. She even remembered one time at her 16th birthday dinner her aunt had said something which upset her so much she left the table as soon as she finished her dinner and went for a shower, leaving everyone incredibly confused when it came time for a very soggy Olivia to blow out her candles.

The bathroom was filled with a thick berry scented fog by the time Jean banged on the door. 

"You've been in there for 40 minutes. Jamie and Lauren are downstairs, do you think you'll come out any time soon" 

With a quick movement, she turned off the water and stepped out of the bath, grabbing a towel to wrap around herself Olivia felt her head get very light all of a sudden and almost in an instant she lay on the floor of the bathroom. The steam and heat from the shower causing her to faint. When she woke up. Her mum was banging on the door. Her head felt like the worst hangover she had ever experienced. Placing her head between her knees she breathed in deeply. 

"Liv are you okay!" her dad's voice yelled 

"Be out in a minute" she shouted back, placing her hand on a small scrape on her shoulder. 

She got ready and exited the bathroom, her wet hair leaving dark droplets on the grey carpet in the hall, as if it were a trail leading you to her.