Our Little Secret - Harry Lewis, Wroetoshaw

Chapter 25

December 2020

The next few weeks were a blur. Olivia couldn't remember eating or sleeping, she couldn't even remember speaking to people most days. But what she could remember was the pain she felt every time she walked past her dad's chair or saw Luna curled up in the bed beside her mother in the space her father should have been laying. Harry had gotten caught up with work stuff and was unable to return to Guernsey until the funeral and although he stayed in contact with Olivia every day, she couldn't help but feel a distance was growing between the two.

Switching out her light she pulled up her laptop into bed with her and opened it to watch the new Sidemen Sunday. Another tinder video. She giggled at a few things the boys had said but stopped when Harry was very visibly flirting with one of the women, and not in the usual joking way he did. It even prompted the boys to look at one another slightly, eyebrows raised. Tobi looking slightly concerned. Olivia paused the video and dialed Harry's phone. He answered but Olivia could barely hear him over the noise in the background.

"Liv! How are you?" He slurred.

"Pissed off" Olivia grumbled "What the fuck was that video? Why were you flirting with those girls, you never do that, well you never do it seriously"

"Livvy, Livvy, Liv. It's all a joke, I text you about it the other day. You said you were fine with it. Why are you bringing this up now I'm out?" he asked.

"I didn't know you were out. I don't remember answering" Olivia replied scrolling through her texts and finding the messages where she had indeed said it was fine "Who are you out with?"

"Just some mates"

"The boys?"

Harry hesitated "Yeah some. Gib"

"Oh. Okay. Have fun, I'll see you soon okay. I Love you"

"Yeah. Bye" Harry mumbled before hanging up.

Olivia held the phone in her hands and chewed her lower lip. She had no idea why Harry was being so flippant with her, especially with everything going on. She decided to call Tobi and get some answers.

-----

Harry stood talking to a girl with curly brown hair and a bright smile on the set of the shoot, they had been flirting when it was her turn to go up and had continued the conversation during the break.

"What the fuck's he playing at" Simon nodded over.

"He's just talking" Ethan replied, fixing his mic.

"Talking to a girl he was flirting with" Josh and JJ interjected.

"When he has a girlfriend" Vikk added.

"Who's at home mourning her dead dad" Tobi growled.

"Point taken; I'll go speak to him" Ethan said holding up his hands.

Ethan headed over to the pair and interjected "Alright lad, the Mrs just called. Better go get it, sounds important"

Harry looked at Ethan and sent a subtle glare his way.

"I'll speak to you later Dani" Harry said as the girl walked away before turning his attention back to Ethan "She didn't call did she?"

"Nope. But what are you up to? Liv's at home probably lost beyond belief and you're sitting here flirting with girls, got to say mate I don't think you'll be getting any best boyfriend awards this year".

Harry rolled his eyes "It was flirting. It's harmless, not a big deal".

"Whatever you say mate. I'd let her know what she's about to see on the video though or you're in for a bollocking" Ethan scoffed before returning to the set.

Harry spent the rest of the shoot in a foul mood after being told off, he didn't think it very fair that everyone just took Olivia's side for everything, and although yes, the timing was bad nobody ever bothered to ask Harry how he was feeling, he was the one that was left drained after looking out for nobody but Olivia, not even himself, just to be hit with arguments and told all the things he hadn't done right. He was struggling with this house stuff and wasn't even sure if he wanted to live with Olivia anymore. He wasn't even sure he still loved her.

---

The phone rang twice before Tobi answered Olivia.

"Hey, you! How are you?" Tobi beamed.

"Kinda confused Tobs, I just watched the tinder video" Olivia said putting a hand to the back of her neck.

"Ah" Tobi replied.

"Yes. Ah, and then I called Harry and he was out and just not interested in the conversation at all. Has he said anything to you or any of the boys?"

"Honestly, Liv you know just as much as we do. He's been kinda distant I won't lie, been drinking like every night with Gib and Cal. When Ethan gave him into trouble for the flirting, he just said it was harmless".

"Right" Olivia murmured

"I'll try to get through to him okay, try not to stress. He'll be home at the weekend. I'm about to stream so I'll talk later yeah?" Tobi said.

"Okay. Talk soon" Olivia whispered down the phone before hanging up.

She found herself rereading the texts from the past few weeks, trying to find any change in Harry but it had been her, it had been her that was the distant one, the one not answering when Harry announced good news and upon looking further up the chats, she had been like this for a while, not just after the news of her father. Olivia had been pushing Harry away for longer than she had realised, and she had an inkling that it was all coming to a head now.

"I'm going to lose him" she spoke into thin air, clutching her phone to her chest.

---

Harry played with the label of the bottle of beer that sat in front of him, picking it slightly till the corners furled under the rest of the label. Across from him sat Dani and another girl who had come for a night out with himself and Gib. The restaurant was crowded, and he had had way too much to drink. Staring at his phone he replayed the last words Olivia had said to him. 'I love you' he felt a sickness in his stomach. She loved him, through all these years he had loved him and only asked for his love and support in return. But what Harry hadn't realised is that Olivia just needed some more than he expected. He felt disgusting. This girl across the table wasn't Olivia, it wasn't the girl he loved, he knew that his thoughts before were not a true reflection of what he was feeling, and although flirting might have been harmless, being here, out with other girls. This was not, his selfish actions had almost ruined the best thing in his life, all because he couldn't communicate that he himself was feeling lonely and closed out. He pulled out a few notes from his wallet and left them on the table.

"Where you going?" Dani's friend asked.

"Home. Bye" he mumbled before tripping over the chair on his way toward the exit.

Harry booked an uber and looked through his phone as he waited, he deleted and blocked Dani's numbers and socials. He looked at his home screen, a picture of him and Olivia from Jamie's wedding. That's when he felt the contents of his stomach flip, he vomited in the street, just missing his shoes. He rubbed his mouth and shuddered. He had physically sickened himself.

When he returned home, Cal was up watching a football game on the TV, he paused it when Harry came stumbling through the door.

"Fucking hell you look like shit" Cal snorted.

Harry felt his eyes welling up with drunken tears "I've fucked it".

Cal's face dropped, suddenly very concerned at the state of his friend "Woah, you, okay? Sit down" he said as he stood up and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water for him.

Harry sniffed and rubbed his eyes "I'm going to lose her". 

A/N - I hate this chapter sm lmao but we live for the drama darling