The man with the gloves [bucky barnes ff]

9

I still regret what I told him this morning. Why did I think it was okay to tell him all of that? I could've at least been nicer.

"But isolating yourself, drinking away your problems and being a bitch to everyone who is being decent to you, won't make things better."

How did I think that calling someone I don't know, someone who's clearly going through a tough situation in life right now, a bitch was a good idea? I mean, I still believe in everything I said and I did apologise afterwards but I shouldn't have said it out loud to his face. He is being rude though. I know that he doesn't owe anyone a nice behaviour but being a decent member of society is not that hard.

He thinks he's doing such a good job at hiding his emotions and his traumatic state of mind but I am good at reading people, even though he might not think so. I don't know what is happening in his life, or what happened in the past but I know for a fact that he's running away from something. There are demons in his basement that he keeps locked away and he's trying to silence their screams with alcohol.

I am not judging him. I am really not. Everyone goes through pain differently. Some focus on their jobs, some cry to Taylor Swift songs and some drink away their pain. All of those methods are valid.

But all those methods are just temporarily. They help you forget the pain in this very moment but eventually you'll get confronted with your past sooner or later.

It's almost like he wants to be hurt. Like he doesn't want to heal. It's his life and I have no right to tell him what to do but it's still sad. It's sad that someone gave up on himself and purposely tries to harm himself by sabotaging his own healing process. Talking to people won't cure him but he'll at least not be this isolated and left alone with his thoughts.

I need to stop wasting my time and thoughts on this man.

But what can I do? It's still better than this party.

I've never felt this uncomfortable and out of place in my whole life. Everyone is having the time of their lives, drinking, making out, laughing and I am sitting in the corner with a coke, wishing to be warmely tucked in my bed at home. I've been to parties before but they were more like casual get-togethers in someone's basement or in a garden where everyone drank cheap beer. But this is different. Gen told me that it'd be a small gathering of people but it's a huge party with bunch of kids who are dressed up, drink expensive whiskey, do coke on the stripper's bellies and who are being disrespectful to the waiters.

I hate to be a party pooper so I try to stay as long as possible. Gen is currently taking shots on the bar. Ade's house is beautiful. It's more of a mansion though. There's a giant hall which is like ten times the size of my whole apartment. Gen told me that this is their living room but they cleared out all the furniture for this party. They decorated the room nicely. A few table and chairs, a big buffet and an even bigger table dedicated to alcohol. How are their parents cool with serving alcohol when the majority here isn't even overaged? Back home we needed to sneak out and tried our best to hide it that we drank even beer.

I felt ridiculous when I showed up that vodka bitte earlier considering that they already have more than enough. James was right though. The owner of that store did sell it to me, not even checking my ID. I decided not to drink. I am not a big drinker in general. When I do, it's just to get in the mood for a party, or when I am with my closest friends but I know better than to get wasted in a room with strangers.

"Not having a blast?" A voice interrupts my thoughts. When I turn around on my chair I see Ade's brother Adrian sitting down next to me. He's wearing a plain white shirt that reveals his arm which is covered in ink. There are many random tattoos and I doubt that all of them have a meaning. Since I don't want to stare too long I only notice a snake, a skull, a chain and a knife. They look really good on him. It's not like his arm is fully covered by them but it's just a bunch of minimalistic tattoos.