She's So Particular (Complete)

Everything Is Hanging On This Album

I stare at my phone, as I swipe through the Just Jared stories on Instagram and inwardly growl

Monday night Shawn Mendes was at dinner with a super model, Tuesday night dinner with Camila Mendes, on Wednesday he gave the girls a break and was seen falling out of a club with his band mates, Thursday he was back on the whore train, out to a club with some girl I don't recognise but she looks like a goth and that's pretty scary.

Sighing I slam my phone onto my duvet and then throw myself backwards so i'm staring up at my ceiling.

It's not that I care who some guy I barely know 'dates' and i'm sure i can only use the word 'date' in the very loosest of terms but it's the frequency at which he dates and the quality of the girls he dates that's bothering me.

Night after night, each girl taller and thinner and blonder than the last

I grimace at the thought of what he must get up to, his laundry bill must cost a fortune that's for sure

I pick up my phone again and scroll through my photos, all the way back to 2018 and my one and only date.

It was prom, I was 16 years old, before we came to America so we had very little money. Mama had adjusted one of her old dresses and papa had let me go as long as I went with Carlos Silva because he was the son of a business associate, in truth I hadn't cared who I went with just as long as I got to put on the dress, and walk down the stairs and hear my parents say how beautiful I looked and mama did, papa had gone out so he never got to see me, I spent the rest of the prom eager to get home to show my dad but when I got home he was asleep on the sofa, my brother warning me not to wake him because he was in a terrible mood, he never did get to see me, wouldn't even look at the photos, I haven't been on a date since

I shut down my photos and go back to Instagram, this time clicking on Shawn Mendes Official and cover my eyes with my hands so I can prepare myself for the array of beautiful women I'm sure adorn his page but when I eventually let my hand drop away i'm surprised to find nothing other than band photos, selfies and photos of him and his family.

I scroll through and find myself laughing at an old photo of him and his sister pulling faces and my mind goes back to the days before we left Cuba, Diego and I fighting and running, laughing and crying, he was 4 years older than me she he was my protector and my tormentor. I wonder what he's doing now, does he have a job? a girlfriend? I wonder why he never calls of visits and then I hear my fathers voice in my head, 'she doesn't need any distractions'. That's no mother, no brother, no boyfriend, no friends just him, all i ever need is him but looking at Shawn running around town with girl after girl, date after date and still building a successful career for himself I wonder why i'm so different, why I have to sacrifice my life for my career, why can't I use my career to build myself a life instead?

*******************************************

I run into the small kitchen that's opposite to the studio I have been recording in and slam the door shut behind me, I grab a bottle of water and begin gulping it down in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, but as the door swings open behind me I know i'm not going to be able to escape so easily

"What the hell kind of car crash was that?" My father demands to know, his face red and sweaty again, his tie pulled loose in frustration

"I'm sorry, I guess i'm just distracted today"

"Distracted? you can't afford to be distracted Camila, do you know how much this studio costs per hour?"

"Yes papa"

"6 months, that's how long we were given to write a second album, 2 months in we still don't have one god damn song and there's you and Renee messing around with that 'oh i'm so sad and lonely and need a friend' bullshit. People don't want to hear 'woe is me' songs Camila not when you have everything everyone else could possibly want"

"I know papa, I told Renee to bin it"

"But it cost us time and money Camila, I can't afford to pay for this studio just for you to waste that time"

I want to tell him it's my money that pays for the studio, my money that pays his wages, my money that pays for everything but I know the road it leads down the 'where would you be with me? what would you have without me road'. So I take a sip of my water and promise I will do better.

"Well you better, because everything is hanging on this album Camila, the house, not just here but Cuba too, our ability to stay here, Mama and Diegos security... everything so stop messing around, stop thinking about yourself and get a record made, Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir" My father shakes his head bitterly and then turns and leaves the kitchen as I turn away and rest my hands on the bench, begging the tears to stay put but it's no good, the pressure is working like gravity and pulling them down my cheeks

I hear the door open again and quickly wipe at my tears before turning back to the door

"Who the fuck was that asshole?"

"Shawn!" I gasp, looking into the face of the last person on earth I expected to be standing in a room with right now.

His curls are flopping over his eyes and although we are in doors, in true rock star style he's wearing shades and a pink t-shirt that's pulled tight over his muscular chest and biceps and is tucked in to some light denim jeans

"If he's your manager fire him right now"

"What did you hear?"

"A lot of bullshit if you ask me" He pushes his shades into his hair and I'm amazed how his eyes look as golden in real life as they do in the magazines "Management?"

"In business and in life" I inform him wiping the remainder of my tears and picking up my water bottle and cursing at the way my hand shakes "Manager and father"

"Manager, father and class A dick"

"Don't say that, you don't know him"

"I have met plenty like him Camila, all about the money and the fame, nothing is more important not even the welfare of the 'star' they are living off"

"It's not like that"

"It's exactly like that"

He crosses his arms and I can't help the temper that's building in me at the way he's assuming he knows everything about people he knows nothing about

"Right now I can only see one dick in here"

"Yeah and you will be pleased to know he still works after you tried to murder him the other day"

"Yeah, I have seen all about the adventures of you and your penis" He scrunches his forehead in confusion "You two are keeping Just Jared in business right now"

"Im all about giving back" he laughs and I have a sudden urge to slap him

"Keep away from me and keep your opinions to yourself" I seethe as I grab his arm and pull him away from the door so I can exit

"See you around Princess" he calls and I slam the door as hard as I can on him and his opinions and the fact I know every word he said was true