She's So Particular (Complete)

Always Running From The Silence

"Just put your foot down"

"We're going 80 already"

"There's no other cars on the highway, stop being such a pussy"

"Alright, but if we get stopped by the cops this is your fault, you can explain to my father why I'm in jail and not living the life of a rock star"

"Put your foot down you little bitch!"

The sound of metal crumpling, the smell of gasoline on the evening air and then every scent being lost to the smell of burning

"Brian! Bri!"

The scent of burning flesh and then nothing but fluorescent lights and desperate voices screaming desperate but hopeless demands

And then silence

And then I start running, as I have ever since, always running from the silence always running from the monsters in my head

*******************

I'm aware of my body moving from left to right as my eyes snap open and then I jump up into a sitting position.

Looking to the blond sleeping naked at my side I wonder what the hell went wrong, I thought I had drank and fucked enough tonight to keep the demons at bay but apparently tonight they can't be calmed.

I step out of bed and look down at my naked form and sigh heavily.

What have I become?

I stumble through my hangover towards the hotel mini bar and swipe all the miniature bottles. Cracking them open, downing the contents and then throwing the empties to the ground before moving on to the next one

"Shawn?"

I hear my bedmate moan as I down the final bottle and stumble back towards the bed

"Touch yourself" I instruct her as I take myself in my hand deciding sleep isn't an option for tonight so I will do battle with my mind the only way I know how

*********************

"Dad! What are you doing back so soon?" I ask as I stumble up the steps to my the front door of my apartment block

"I couldn't deal with your mothers constant moaning so I thought I would come and hang out with my boy, see what kind of mischief we could get up to"

I turn the lock and we head to the elevator that will take me up to my penthouse. My head is throbbing and my mouth is as dry as a desert but with my old man here I doubt I will be able to rest any time soon

"So what's the plan today?"

"Day off"

"Perfect timing by me then" he laughs "So what do you want to do?"

"I take it sleep is out of the question?"

"You can sleep when you're dead Shawny boy" the elevator comes to a stop and we step into my apartment

"At least let me shower and then we can get breakfast"

"A liquid breakfast? I like it"

I silently nod, the thought of more alcohol making my stomach turn. All I want is a shower and sleep followed by food but with my dad around it will be alcohol, loud music and girls, nothing else will do

"So how's the album going?"

"It's going great" I say as peel off my T-shirt that smells as disgusting as I feel

"We'll have a couple beers and you can play me some later"

"Sure thing. Hey let me grab a shower and some fresh clothes then we can get an Uber and head out"

"Sounds good"

*******************

I stand nervously outside Shawns front door, unsure why I decided I had to come here but 100 % sure I'm not going to leave

I don't know what it is about him but ever since we met it's like my entire brain has flipped. I'm thinking about thinks I had never thought about before, doing things I never would have considered doing before.

I think back to Shawn catching me with Nesto yesterday and feel my cheeks blaze at the memory. His reaction was extreme and over the top and left me feeling as though maybe, just maybe he's thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about him.

So here I am, stood outside his front door not sure what I'm going to say or what I'm going to do but knocking hard against the wood anyways, the face that greets me isn't Shawn and after a second or two it's clear he recognises me but isn't happy to see me and I begin to regret whatever stupidness made me think this was a good idea

"Um... hi, I'm Camila"

"I know who you are" the man moves from one foot to another a bottle of beer hanging from the hand that isn't holding open the door. He's wearing jeans an old band t-shirt and a leather jacket. He can only be Shawns father and that makes me even more nervous as he's obviously already jumped to his own conclusions about me

"Is Shawn here?"

"No"

"Oh" I can't help but feel disappointment and relief at that

"And he never will be here for a girl like you. Keep away from my son"

"I..." I splutter some sounds but no words form as I struggle to comprehend his abruptness

"We don't need Pop Princesses like you sniffing around. Shawn is out of your league"

"Its not... I'm not..."

"You're right, you aren't. I mean it. Stay away from my son"

He slams the door shut before I even get the chance to utter one word of sense but the tears fall quickly and heavily so I pull my baseball cap down, run a hand over my face and then head back into the elevator and back down to Nesto who is in the car waiting for me

*a little bit more of an insight into Shawn. Thoughts?