She's So Particular (Complete)

Living My Hell

"I'm about to lose my fuckin mind!"

Thiago walks into the bar and drops down hard onto the seat beside me, banging his head on the wooden table and growling

"Let me guess. Miguel Cabello" I signal to the bartender to bring him a beer and then push back in my seat and pat him on the back knowingly

"I hate that man"

"Makes two of us" I say lifting my bottle to my lips and draining the remainder of my drink

"It's an absolute bloodbath in there. He hates every song, the lyrics, the music, the vocals..."

My heart breaks for Camila, she's been working her ass off on this album, I haven't heard much but she seemed proud of what she was creating, in the course of one day I can imagine her confidence and pride smashed to smithereens just like the glass that smashed and cut her face

I have to see her

I need to see her

"He's demanding Renee be fired"

I turn quickly to look at him "what the fuck?"

"He says she's not qualified to work with someone as 'A list' as Camila, that she's encouraging her to write rubbish that won't sell. Shawn, Camila and Renee are making magic right now"

I rub a hand over my face and wonder how I managed to get so deeply involved in all of this

What happened to night after night of different women and drinks and music and not giving a fuck?

"How is Camila?" I ask nonchalantly, not wanting to give away that I care far more about the answer than I should

"Quiet, withdrawn. She has barely spoken to anyone all day"

Fuck I need to speak to her and I need to speak to her now

"I need to speak to her"

"Good luck getting anywhere near her, you guys are not welcome anywhere near Studio 1 and she is not allowed out of Studio 1"

"What do you mean 'not allowed'? She's a grown fuckin women"

"She's the cash cow, she finances everything, her dad can't risk losing that because then what does he have? Nothing!"

"Nothing and that's still way more than that fucker deserves" I drill my fingers hard on the table as I hear whispers all around that 'Shawn from Particular Taste is here' and then I watch as the T-shirt's are lowered to show more cleavage and the skirts are pulled up to show more thigh.

Camilas life and work is crashing down around her and all these girls care about is getting me into bed and for the first time ever the thought and look of them make me feel sick

"I need to see Camila, can you get me in?"

He looks at me with interest as the tall red head from behind the bar places a bottle on the table and then places her phone number into my hand. I immediately screw it up and throw it to the floor disgusted at how easy these girls make themselves

"What do you mean 'in'?" He takes a sip and look at me in confusion "What's going on with you and Camila?"

Oh Thiago do not ask that fuckin question

"Nothing" no that's not true "Well something but we aren't dating or anything we're just... I don't know okay, but we're doing something. I haven't been able to speak to her since Gabe single handedly destroyed everything, I need to know she's okay. Can you help me or not?"

********************

I lift my head and gaze around the room, embarrassed by how uncomfortable the atmosphere now is.

I should be singing, composing, creating but instead I'm in mourning for the little bit of life I got to live, one wrong decision and it was all taken away

"We need another 'Crying In The Club'" my father announces and I can almost hear Renee rolling her eyes,

"That sound is not who Camila is anymore, people have heard that and no offence but they aren't going to want to hear it again"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You aren't qualified to clean Camilas shoes let alone write a Camila Cabello hit record"

"Papá please!"

"Camila..."

I was so embarrassed by my dad's words that I hadn't even noticed Thiago re-entering the studio

"Here... this is the lyric notebook you were looking for"

He hands me a black jotter I have never seen before and I smile my thanks before opening the front page

'Shawn is in the bathroom waiting for you'

My heart almost bursts through my chest with surprise and joy. These last 3 days have been a living hell but I know if I can see Shawn everything will feel better

I let a few minutes pass and then stand up and excuse myself, bathroom breaks are the only freedom I get right now and I almost run the short distance, desperate to see the only person that can make this feel okay

Moving inside I lock the door and don't even have to call out to him before he's in front of my with his arms around me holding me so tightly that all I can do is cry

"It's okay" he soothes as he rocks me backwards and forwards moving his hand over my back in soothing shapes "Hey, Hey, it's fine. I got ya, I got you Camila it's okay"

I lay my head against his chest and let his warmth soothe me as my body succumbs to sob after sob and I can't help but whimper against his shirt

Suddenly he gently pushes me from him, his hand moving to my injured cheek as he lowers his head to get a better view

"This is not okay"

"I know that"

"None of this is okay"

"I don't know how to make it stop" I hiccup a sob and he pulls me back to him "My dad won't let me out of his sight, he's taken my phone, I'm not allowed out of the house without him, not even out to the pool"

"This is abuse Camila, he can't do this"

I wrap my arms tightly around his waist

"I should never have lied to him"

"You were only trying to live your life that isn't a crime"

"And now look at me! I might as well be in jail"

"We'll fix it, I don't know how but we'll find a way" he kisses the top of my head over and over and then turns me around and takes my face in his hands before kissing me as though his life depended on it

"Camila!" We jump apart as my fathers voice suddenly sounds from right outside the door

"Fuck!" Shawn growls "I'll get Thiago to pass you a phone so we can keep in touch" he kisses my lips once more "Be safe. I'm going to sort this" he promises before disappearing back into the cubicle

"Coming papá" I shout before slipping out of the bathroom and back to my living hell

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