She's So Particular (Complete)

Someone Elses Name

"Cheers!" The guys and I smash our bottles together and then start drinking as I throw myself back in the booth and wonder how the hell today became such a shit storm.

'I kissed someone else, some one I shouldn't have'

I didn't even ask her who

I take a gulp

Why the hell did that one sentence send me into such a Fuckin spiral?

Why did I storm out on her?

Why hadn't I been able to bring myself to speak to her for the rest of the day?

Why had I cancelled the evening session and headed straight to a bar with the group instead?

I take another gulp and then wipe a hand over my face and growl

"So what's going on with you and Camila?" Asks Anwar And I wish to God he hadn't cos now I'm wondering what the fuck is going on with me and Camila?

"Nothing"

"You're spending a lot of time with her for just'nothing'"

"I was trying to help her out but apparently she doesn't need my help"

What the fuck am I so bitter about?

I hear it in my voice, feel it in my chest when I think about turning her down last night, trying to be the good guy just for her to go and find another guy that didn't give a shit about the fact that she'd been drinking or that it was the first time she ever kissed a guy

Fuck!

I down the rest of my bottle and then reach for the complimentary bottle of vodka we were given on entry

"What did she do that pissed you off so bad?" Asks Gabe sipping at his beer like a pussy and pissing me off with his question at the same time

"Mind your own fuckin business" I snarl whilst pouring myself a shot knowing I'm getting too wasted too quickly and the trouble that leads to but I can't bare to be alone with my mind right now

"Talk to me" Tom puts his arm around my shoulder and gulps at his beer

"I need to get wasted and then fuck something"

"Why?"

"Because my brain is decaying inside my head"

"What's going on?"

"I don't know" I'm not lying

"Camila?"

"I don't know"

"Shawn, brother.." his hand comes down on my shoulder

"I know"

"Forget her"

"I know" I close my eyes and let the vodka burn and then I fill up my glass over and over until my brain burns white, my mind is blind and the girl in the back of the car is everything I need for tonight

***********************

"Hey Camila" I smile as she looks up from her notebook and she gives me a nervous smile in return "How's the writing going?"

"Slowly" I nod, knowing how frustrating it is to want to write and create but having a brick wall in your brain That nothing can get past

"About yesterday"

"Yeah, what was that?"

" Me being a dick. My over inflated ego got the better of me" I begin with the only explanation that makes sense "I thought when you wanted to kiss me it was because I was irresistible even to someone like you then when I found out you were just looking to get rid of the 'never been kissed' tag well I guess my ego took a hit but I'm over it now" I force out a laugh knowing that might indeed be half of the story but it's in no way all of it

"So are we friends again?"

Friends? Why does that word make me want to throw up?

"Sure. Just don't tell anyone, it's our secret" I wink and she giggles and everything feels alright again so I reach over and snatch the notebook from her hands. She doesn't fight me for it the way I had hoped she would but her cheeks turn crimson and I have to admit she looks pretty damn cute when she's blushing

'I swear on my life that I've been a good girl tonight I don't want to be her'

"My oh my" I say slowly whilst raising an eyebrow "It's different for you, rougher, Ilike it"

"It's how I felt that night before I tried to kiss you"

I nod "So the guy you did actually kiss, was it good?" I stare at her intently, trying to read her face before she says the words, her face speaks of disappointment and why does that make me happy?

"It was nice"

Ouch!

"But it shouldn't have happened, he's like a brother to me"

Beyond the friend zone you go my friend hahahahaha

"It definitely wasn't everything you said it would be"

"That's because it wasn't with the right guy, wait until the right guy kisses you, you won't know what hit you"

"Well I wish he would hurry up because I have an album to write"

The air seems to thicken as we look at each other in silence for a moment before I uneasily clear my throat and hand her back her notebook

"Keep going with the song, I think you are on to a winner"

"Thanks friend"

Fuck that word!

I walk the short distance to the studio we are working in and when I walk in everyone bursts out laughing

"What?"

"Guess who's on the gossip sites again" teases Tom

"So what?" It will just be a picture of me with that girl from last night. Same old, same old

"Allow me to read the headline" says Anwar and I know if he's bothering to get involved there's probably more to it. He clears his throat and I wait for it "My night of passion with Shawn Mendes ended when he called me Camila!" Again they all burst out laughing as I feel the blood drain from my face.

I never know the name of the girl I'm with but so wasted I call her someone else's? That's a first and of all the fuckin names!!!!

"Well Camila is hot" I say with a bravado I don't feel as I take a seat

"Her dad's gonna cut off your nuts and make them into earrings or something" laughs Gabe and I just turn to the mixing desk and bury my head in my hands

Fuck!

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