Why Can't I Just Be Happy?

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"So this is the guy that's like a brother to you hu?"

"Shawn..."

"The one that you kissed but you shouldn't have and now he's got his tongue in your mouth again?"

The gorilla moves in front of Camila, pushing her slightly behind him so his body is a barrier between us and that just serves to provoke the anger that for some reason is blazing through my brain and making my fingers tingle with the need to hit something, or someone

"This is none of your business" The gorilla says but I'm not looking at him or paying any attention to him, I'm just looking at the brunette standing behind him, her eyes looking anywhere and everywhere but at me

"This is your attempt at living and experiencing things? Giving yourself to a fake situation?"

"Watch your mouth!" The gorilla steps forward but Camila grabs his bicep and I have to stop myself reaching out and peeling her skin off of his

Nesto, can you get me a coffee please?"

He looks between Camila and me and then back to Camila

"I will be fine, I promise"

He nods lightly and then walks towards the door

"Do as you're told Nesto like the hired help you are boy"

He looks at me as though he wants to kill me but I couldn't give a fuck, I'm too worked up to care what anyone thinks right now

"Why did you do that?!" Camila cries "dropping down onto her black leather seat and covering her eyes with the sleeve of her white hoody "That was so embarrassing"

"That's embarrassing?! What about throwing yourself at the first guy you come across just to lose some tags and experience something that's completely fake and not worth a second of your time? What are you gonna write about after kissing him Camila? I kissed a guy and it felt okay but he felt like my brother?! Who the fuck is going to buy that shit?!"

"You are the one that said go out and experience new things, kissing a guy, making out is new for me"

Hearing her admit they had been making out does nothing to calm my mind as I step closer to her and she seems to shrink in her seat

"You're completely missing the point Camila, I told you to experience something real something that made you feel"

"I do feel something and it's something nice" her voice is as tiny as she looks sat in the huge chair that she's nervously rolling backwards and forwards "I feel wanted. No guy ever wanted me before"

"Are you insane? Half the fuckin world wants you"

"Yeah in their bed so they can say they had their hands on Camila Cabellos ass. The only time I get hit on is at parties by drunk guys, drooling and rambling on about how they can show me a good time. No one ever speaks to me like they want to get to know me, want to date me"

"Well you're intimidating to a lot of guys I guess"

"Not to Nesto, he knows me, really knows me and he wants to kiss me and he's gentle with me"

"So it doesn't matter that there's no sparks, no magic?"

"Does it matter to you when you kiss a girl just because you want to get her into bed? Are you telling me all of the hundreds of girls you have slept with, you felt butterflies and fireworks with every single one?"

"No, in fact I can't remember the last time I kissed a girl and felt those things" I admit it with my chin held high "I'm a rockstar, I write about sex and politics you are a 19 year old pop singer that is going to write about love and boys and friendships, I know all about sex and politics, what the fuck do you know about love or boys and when was the last time you could call someone a 'real' friend?" I'm going hard on her and she's shrinking into herself Instead of fighting me and I see in that instant what her father has made her.

She's a shell of a person living a shell of a life, no real experiences, no real knowledge of anything other than how to please people. That ball of energy the world has fallen in love with, the sparky Latina with the voice of an angel is in there, I can almost see her soul behind her dark eyes screaming out to be set free

"Can you go now?" She whispers

"No"

"Why do you care about this? Why are you making this such a big deal? Why are you making me feel ashamed? Why can't you just let me be happy?" She rests her elbows on her knees and buries her head in her hands "Why can't anyone ever just let me be happy?"

"And kissing him makes you happy? Where does it stop Camila?" I reach out and pull her hands from her face, and notice her eyes are filled with tears but even that isn't enough to stop me "Are you going to let him put his hands on your chest?"

"Stop"

"In your panties?!"

"I said stop it"

"Are you going to give him your virginity just because he's nice to you and he wants you?!"

She finally tears her arm from my grip and spins her chair away dropping her head onto the mixing desk

"I don't know what I'm doing okay? Is that what you want to hear?!" she sobs and I want to reach out and stroke her hair "I have nothing in my life but I want something I want someone" I watch as her back rises and falls as she sobs loudly and I want to reach out and take her in my arms and comfort her but I don't move

"You will get all those things Camila but he isn't it. Something fake isn't it" I use one hand to push the studio door open whilst still watching her, desperately wanting to be that something and that someone but knowing in the two totally different worlds in which we live I never will be.

*please let me know your thoughts on how it's going and what you want to see happening So I can write a story you really enjoy x

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