Teach Me How To Live

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I lie on the sofa in Studio 1 and I'm glad that I decided to wear tights with my dress today.
I tuck my knees up to my chest and replay the scene from just half an hour earlier.

My father shouting whilst the studio security dragged him away threatening him with the cops if he took even a foot inside. He demanded I leave with him but I remembered Shawns words from the day before, my contract was iron clad.

I begged my dad to go quietly, promising I would FaceTime him and keep him up to date with everything but lying here I feel lost.

No dad, no Shawn, no song, no plan.

"Hey guys!"

I recognise the voice of Shawns bandmate and try not to jump up to see him, instead I lift my head lazily and can't help the crushing disappointment when I realise Shawn isn't with him

"I thought you guys would be getting warmed up by now" says Tiago, I drop my head back to the sofa but try and listen in to the conversation between the three men

"Hard to do much with just 2 members of a 4 piece band"

"Yeah? Where's Shawn and Anwar?"

"Oh they're in jail"

I can't help but sit bolt upright at the words coming out of his band mates mouth

"Shawn's in jail?!"

The three men look to me, surprised I give a shit so I shrug "Best place for him" I answer and then drop back down on to the sofa, my heart pounding as I think about Shawn sitting a jail cell

"They'll be out shortly, they always are"

"What happened this time?" Asks Tiago as though this is a daily occurrence and it dawns on me that it probably is

"Same as always they drank too much, took offence at something someone said, got into a fight, got arrested and as always we're sat here waiting for the attorneys to sort it all out so we can get back to the important task of making music"

I roll my eyes at how cliche it all sounds just as I hear the door open again and some hollering and hand slapping begin as Shawn and Anwar have obviously returned and are now being greeted as heroes

I stay still on the sofa and try my best to ignore them

"What's up with princess pouty?" I hear Shawn ask as his footsteps get closer "Whats wrong today Camila?"

"Get lost" Is all I can muster

"I get you 12 hours a day of freedom and this is how you spend it?"

"At least I didn't spend last night in a jail cell"

"No you just choose to live your life in a jail cell"

I finally sit up and look at him, his curls are a mess, his eyeliner smudged, his denim jacket is ripped and his jeans are covered in grass stains but he looks beautiful and alive and I hate him for it

"You don't know me Shawn"

"You don't even know yourself! You have 12 hours today to find yourself and create yourself and create something beautiful to give to the world but what are you doing? Lying here, done up like a dogs dinner no doubt sulking about your dad, for fuck sake Camila when are you going to wake up and live your life on your own fuckin terms?!"

I don't reply, I can't, his words are pummelling my brain like little bombs of truth but I don't want to hear them, don't want to face them so I just turn my head away from him and hope he will take the hint and leave me alone but instead he wraps his long fingers around my wrist and pulls me harshly to my feet

"What are you doing?!"

"Getting you out of here. Taking you out into the big bad world, who knows maybe you will get laid and lose some of this uptight attitude you have"

"So having sex with someone is going to fix everything and all of a sudden change my life?!"

"No but go out, meet people, kiss someone in the rain, fall in love, get your heart broke, dance in the moonlight, spend a night in jail just live your fuckin life before you wake up and realise it passed you by and you were too busy obeying your father to see it"

I feel my eyes begin to sting at his words but before I can argue or cry he's grabbed my coat with one hand and still has my wrist in the other as he begins walking us out of the studio

"Shawn, where are you going?" Shouts his bandmate Tom

"To teach Princess Pouty here how to live but first I need to teach her how to dress" with that he pushes open the studio door and pulls me with him, my heart hammering at what the days about to hold

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